Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
Lasso290391The Bearded OneLothanir’s tale of the lumber partyMy name is Lothanir, I am called a wood elf, and I am on scouting duty. I am watching someone dumb enough to enter Athel Loren uninvited. The trees are singing woefully, my hand found its way to the trunk of a tree to calm them down. I need to get higher up to be able to watch the invaders’ movements, I quickly climbed the tree and melted into the shadows of its crown.
I watched as the invaders, bearded and short as they were, cut down trees to make room for their lumber camp, I could feel the trees singing painfully each time an axe struck a trunk. I started to feel rage, how dared the stunted invaders to even bring axes in here, let alone use them against a tree. I couldn’t let the rage control my actions, not yet at least. I looked at the horizon and saw it streaked with the smoke of furnaces.
I dropped from the tree and landed silently on the ground. My cape matched my surroundings perfectly, as I sped towards the lumber camp. I heard the singing of a clearly intoxicated dwarf and slowed down so I would be able to sneak closer. As I peeked over a bush I saw him, he was singing a song about gold and someone called Bugman and his ale, which apparently could knock out an ogre, all the while he was relieving himself against a tree.
As he was trying to aim at the tree, I snuck up close behind him. Just as I was about to knock him out, he fell sideways snoring loudly. I just stared at him. At first I didn’t comprehend, what had just happened. But then he snorted and I got a whiff of his breath, my eyes started to tear up, I got slightly dizzy and felt a bit drunk just from this guys breath, didn’t dwarfs have any self-control?
Anyway, I bound him and dragged him up into the tree. I knew I had to get him back to the camp, however I still felt like killing him slowly and painfully for the treason of his kind. I realized, that it was going to be a long way back, if I had to drag this drunken dwarf the whole way. I dragged him for a couple of trees before I decided it was about time to speed things up.
I sent a message through the trees to the camp, a couple of moments later a large shadow dropped out of the sky. It turned out to be a giant eagle, it glided easily down and landed on a branch. I threw my victim onto the back of the eagle and it took off. Now I could run back to the camp at full speed, rather than the slow speed I had had to maintain earlier.
As I entered our camp, I heard that I wasn’t the only one, who had been successful in capturing a dwarf, and that my victim wasn’t the only one who had been drunk. I hurried off to the hearing, this was going to be interesting. I made it just in time, I found some space on a branch and sat down.
I glanced quickly around the grove, it was a small clearing, in the middle of the clearing a dozen or so dwarfs were bound together. The clearing had tall trees all the way around it, and at the moment, every branch on all the trees were occupied by observing elves, the dwarfs slowly awoke from their slumber.
I watched, as the drowsy expressions on their faces changed into a horrified expression, when they realized they were all bound and far away from their brethren, they of course not able to see all the elves watching them, to them it looked like a completely empty clearing.
Suddenly a tall figure entered out of the shadows, some of the dwarfs gasped at the mere sight of him, he was almost completely naked, but for a loincloth and an entire body covered in tattoos, the General.
He crossed the clearing and stuck his face into one of the dwarfs’ face and asked menacingly, “why are you here?” their answer would decide the future of all the dwarfs in the camp. As all of us, the observers, leaned slightly forward, one of the dwarfs glanced upward and caught a sight of us, he gasped loudly, and as one the rest of the dwarfs glanced around, as they slowly caught sight of us, each one of them turned pale.
“Why are you here?” the General repeated, his eyes gleaming red with anger. The one dwarf, who was almost nose to nose with the General started gibbering excitedly “we need lumber, we will pay you for all the lumber we gather, and if you let us live and leave this place we won’t...” The hand of the General blurred for a second and in the next second he had a blade in it and the dwarfs head landed on the grass. A hundred longbows sung before the dwarfs had time to comprehend what had happened.
It was a test. A test, which the dwarf had failed terribly at. All the dwarfs would pay dearly for this one’s mistake.
We were to attack them at nighttime, when they would be the most drunk. They didn’t see us coming, all but one dwarf died that night. One left to live. One left to return home. One left to tell of the horrors of Athel Loren.Voting begins now, and will end next Thursday (Jan 20) at 4pm GMT. Remember to score each entry between 1 and 5.Last round before battle
Darkness had fallen over the camp. Mannslieb hung low in the sky, partially covered by a shifting deck of clouds while illuminating their delicate shapes a gentle grey light. Below in the woods, at the foothills of the worlds’ edge mountains, lay the dwarf camp. There the roaring flames of the campfires illuminated the rough faces of the dwarven guards and the blankets of the sleeping.
Young Barik sat on a felled tree, warming his hands at the fire while his great axe leaned against his leg and an ale stood at his side. Barik held watch at the great barrels near the periphery of the camp containing the throngs’ supply of ale. It was no mere luxury product to bring along on a campaign for dwarf ale is so nutritious, that it could be a substitute for food altogether. However the campaign had been so lengthy and the supply lines so stretched that the dwarfs had been forced to replenish some of their supplies with manling ale. Barik held watch at the barrels just in case some warriors decided to get ‘their fair share’ of the dwarven ale before it was all gone.
As Barik sat there in the darkness and the cold air he thought of his wife, Brunhilda, back in Zhufbar. They were newly-weds, married for not even six months before the campaign called Barik from his home. A goblin army had been raiding settlements around Zhufbar and the king had organized an immediate pursuit to bring the vile grobi to justice. The king commanded a half-throng on the campaign, leaving the other half to ensure the safety and prosperity of Zhufbar. It had been cause for concern to many, because the rangers had reported that the goblin forces far outnumbered the dwarfs and considerably exceeded the king’s estimates of the goblins’ strength. The king being a dwarf first and foremost he was not about to give up though and so the campaign continued. It appeared inevitable that the armies would clash the very next day.
At the thought of the upcoming battle Barik instinctively touched a little trinket he wore around his neck. It reminded him of Brunhilda and she wore one as well to remind her of him. This way he still felt close to her even if they were far away from each other. Barik felt as though he was blessed with his wife by the ancestors. Hardly a third of all dwarfs managed to marry. But far more than that he felt blessed for having such a graceful woman as his wife.
She was perfect in every way..
the way she gazed with her emerald eyes,
The way she talked with her golden voice,
The way she smiled at him - he could look at her smile for hours – and when she smiled she lit up the room..,
The way she would lovingly hold his hands before he left in the morning,
How her long red hair cascaded down her head and how it ran down in a single braid, following the shape of her back..,
How her elegant robes flowed past the contours of her body and emphasized the sensual shape of her swaying hips…
Oh, how he would hold his dear Brunhilda when he returned.
Oh, how in the evening he would take her to bed and …
Barik had taken a sip of the ale while thinking of his wife. It was the manling ale and after a lifetime of drinking ale brewed by dwarfs the human drink was like an abomination of the brewers craft. The taste had completely thrown Barik off his thoughts and he found it hard to regain his mood and feel the emotions he had felt moments before. Barik placed his glass an arm’s length away from him and pulled his cloak tight.
Suddenly Barik heard a sound right next to him, like a splash of liquid and other sounds he could not identify. He looked up in surprise and peered into the darkness but could not discern the source of the sound. Looking down he suddenly noticed his glass wobbling on the tree he was sitting on, a little bit of it’s content spilling over the edge as it did as though someone had quickly and carelessly deposited the glass while on the move. Curiously Barik observed the glass and noticed it to be a fresh pint. In the light of the fire it gave off an inviting rich golden hue... Tentatively Barik brought it to his lips and took a sip. His eyes widened in surprise as he discovered what substance this was...
“Bugmans! Bugmans XXXXXX” , he spontaneously yelled. Looking about him he discovered that the barrels behind him were not the same as before.. these barrels now bore the brand of Bugman, the legendary brewer. Barik gulped the pint down in one go and it’s taste made him forget all his sorrows and brought to him memories of the ancestors and the past, saga’s of heroes and tales of victory.. and above all the image of his beautiful Brunhilda..
Bugman and his rangers looked on from the shadows, as the camp awoke to discover this miracle. Within minutes old songs and sagas could be heard as the brew lifted the fears from the minds of all who drank it. Bugman turned around and led his rangers away into the darkness, knowing they had performed a good deed for the benefit of dwarven kind….
Even if you are not participating in the FluffWar, we all still encourage you to share your vote!
Lasso's Lothanir's tale of the lumber party
Things I liked: Going first person is a bold move, and boldness is something I like in writing. It is more challenging, but can lead to some real introspective writing. I think you also captured the overall mood of the story well.
Things that could use improvement: Way too much usage of the word "I". It felt like half the sentences started with "I" when you needed to change it up. Also, the present tense is much more difficult to use than the past tense in storytelling, and for good reason. The present tense can be awkward in places and takes a lot of care to get right. The problem in this story was you tried to both capture what the wood elf was thinking AND doing in the present tense. It sounded like he was thiking to himself "Now I'm standing up", "Now I'm looking at this dward". A few typos here and there.
The Bearded One's Last Round Before Battle
What I liked: Dwarfs are fun to write for, and fun to read. There is a lot of character and freedom with them, but it can be also misplaced. You got it right though. You also made Barik unique, and I cared about what he cared about. I also enjoyed the little change of pace in him describing his wife.
What could be improved: I liked the twist with Bugman's but I did lose sight of the theme (the eve before battle). A little nod to the fight at the end would have been good.
Lasso: 2/5. You had a good story, but some problems with some grammar, and the flow of the story was broken up between internal thoughts, and actions that sounded like strange internal thoughts.
The Bearded One: 5/5. Good story, and I'm looking forward to seeing you capture the same magic with races other than your main.
I am heading off to the Peace Corps. It is bery likely I will not be back. Good luck to all of you endeavors.
I must admit, I'm not the biggest fan of your punctuation, but I really like the ending of this one. Seems a little too unpolished and 'stream of consciousness' to me, but I'm willing to cut you some slack given you told me you don't write in English much
The Bearded One
Has a good strong start, but then you start going on about dwarf love and I got creeped out. A good ending, too, but I kind of felt the middle let it down a little.
Again, a tough one to split. Despite the creepiness of the dwarves I think I'm going to have to give it to the Bearded One.
Sorry about the harsh scores, but I know the standard improved over the last fluff wars so I have to leave room for higher marks!
The Bearded One: 3/5
xDbut then you start going on about dwarf love and I got creeped out.
Thank you guys for commenting and rating. I'll get to rating the other stories as soon as I have time ( tomorrow hopefully ).
I like the conceot of teh Wood Elf story, though teh mixing of tenses and the actions being played out need some polish. Perhaps a bit more focus on how the Wood ELf is feeling - his heartbeat slowing as he draws the bowstring, quickening as the general slaps the dwarf. Also even though they are short truculent gits, I don't see even civilian dwarves as cowards who would pande to an elf. I'd see their response to be aggressive.
The second story is nice, though I didn't quite get the sense that it was the even of the battle. TBH both are a bit "off brief"
Lasso290391 (I presume that makes you...13 yrs younger than me!!)
Join the LO army system! http://www.librarium-online.com/foru...t&uniqueid=910
I thought Lasso's story showed the wood elves well, which is good. But some things just didn't work. The eagle, for instance, seemed a bit random to me, like it had been thrown in for the cool factor. I also thought it was lacking a bit in description - If a person is narrating something, it means it made an impression on them. If it made an impression on them, they're more likely to remember detail vividly. 3/5.
The Bearded One's story was good as well. It set a scene excellently, but it tailed off in the middle. 4/5
It is. I think I might have submitted it too fast, I really think I should have read it through at least once more. This is a problem I have in my native language, too.Originally Posted by Deadstar_MRCHonestly, that doesn't belong here, no offense. I told you I don't write a lot of longer english texts, but that is one of the reasons I'm doing this, to get better at it. And as TBO said, I'm not the only one who's native language isn't english, so anyone else taking this into consideration before voting, please don't. I would like to know what I could do better for next time, and I've learned a lot already, just from reading the other fluff stories, but especially those of Daelrog and Avatar of khaine.Originally Posted by Deadstar_MRCYou are quite right Thanks for the tips, I will strive to make better descriptions for the next round!Originally Posted by Kithre
A lot of thanks to those who have devoted some of their time to read and comment on my story. And also thanks to those who have commented on the other stories, I feel I'm learning what to do and what to avoid doing
That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest-son-of-a-bitch in space!
The Bearded One: 16
Despite the Dwarf... romance... I'm afraid that the win goes to The Bearded One.
Lasso- I admire you telling them to judge you equally despite English being a second language for you. You've found some good role models as well, Daelrog's fluff is always top notch, and Avatar's entry was also very good. Your story wasn't bad either, but it may help to keep in mind the fluff for both of the involved races. It's not required for you to include your opponent's army in the story this time around. People will catch you not only for your writing ability, but also how well you can make your story believable alongside the existing fiction.