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Borgut Facebeater is a famous and cruel black orc. This recently made up tale is about how he fought with Grimgor after the storm of chaos.
Borgut facebeater and Grimgor was trusting each other as much as orcs could ( It would be horribly wrong to call them friends) and they both survived the Storm of chaos, and they did some good punchin as long as it lasted. As the storm was now over and new goals was to be found, Borgut had been given a mission by Grimgor. He had to lead a small group of black orcs to the newly built castle called The eagle nest.
The emperor Karl franz was slain in the storm of chaos and it was a pretty shameful death.
He had fought well and was badly wounded when a goblin was launched from a doom diver.
the goblin was utterly stupid and had no chance of spotting even an entire regiment of enemies even if it was standing at a hill. The goblin didnt even know he killed the emperor as he died when smashing his head into the emperors jaw. The other goblin that launched the doomdiver was however very famous for a while until he was killed the next week by an jealous crewmate....
When the emperor was dead he had to be buried. As he was kind of royal and very rich, the will he wrote ( when he was twelve ) promptly demanded that his body had to be buried in a castle, using a smaller fortune of the empires money...
Blindly obeying orders from a rotten paper, the men of the empire was building the castle with the tax-payers cash.
Borgut had been sent because none of the orcs knew nothing about this, and as the castle meant a new place to plunder and burn, Borgut and some fighting-eager black orcs was sent to find out more( Or rather kill as many as possible to test their strength)
Borgut was wandering in his own toughts over the frostbitten piece of land he had to cross to reach the castle. In his hand he held a very primitive map that reminded of something a child from the stoneage would write. The wind was blowing hard, but the snow wouldnt fall until many weeks later. One of the biggest black orcs was bragging over his latest scars, and mostly how he repaid them with his well used axe.
The other orcs pretended to listen while waiting for their turn to brag.
Borgut didnt listen as he walked in front of the group, and he wouldnt have cared if he had.
The many lies of heroic deeds they told wasnt even close to the reality that he had faced under the storm.
" I swear, me killed a lot ov umies that day"!
" Strange, muttered the black orc beside him, I ought you was that guy runnin awey"
The bragging orc sneered hatefully at him and became silent.
" Heh heh heh!" giggled a bright voice below them. It wasnt only black orcs that was traveling to the castle. They had brought a very stupid night goblin as a snack in case the journey would be long. of course, the night goblin didnt know this, and tought he was with them to help them in battle.
" You wer laufink at me?" growled the black orc as he grabbed the poor goblin by his neck and lifted him up to head-height. The nightgoblin was turning blue as the orc threw him into a pretty big rock they were just walking past. Borgut heard the sickening crunch of the goblin-rock-meeting and turned around.
" Zog that! Wer here ta fight wit umies!"
The group fell silent and the now even more ugly night goblin ran after them, still believing that they needed him for something else than food.
"There!" Borgut shouted and pointed a finger thicker than a goblins arm towards the half-finished castle that was appearing behind some trees.
Borgut had no plan on how they would attack and it wasnt a very big suprise as he yelled:
The stupid tales continues....:hmm:..... I think..
Was it really that bad? not a single reply.....
In short, it's too big. By that, I mean it uses too many important characters from the Warhammer storyline. Best friends with Grimgor? Then why isn't he mentioned in the official campaign fluff with a large swathe of the land taken for him? And if Karl Franz wanted such a huge thing done in his name (I'm not even sure if he died in the SoC, but my knowledge of that is sketchy), again why isn't it in the official fluff?
My advice, drop the Grimgor connection (it doesn't add anything to the story apart from an "I'm big! Look at me!" caption, which is never a good idea) and change it to one of the Elector Counts dying and having a huge castle built as his tomb in part of his will. Marienberg would be a good principality for such a thing to happen.
Aside from that, you capture the feel of orcs very nicely, I can't think of any stylistic comments right now. But that could just be lack of sleep.
Actually Borgut is a character that came to light during the SoC, not best friends [orcs don't have friends, just opponents in waiting] but Grimgor kept him close for certain reasons. Borgut even has his own mini.
As to the story, it's a bit unbelievable. Karl Franz was not slain and if he would he would be buried in the family crypt alongside his father and a new Emperor would be chosen. To say the Elector Counts would build him a castle is a bit incredible, many emmensly disliked Karl Franz and would covet the throne themselves. Then the sending of a small orc force. Why? It would take the Empire years to get over the damage the storm did, Grimgor came out the best off out of all races and would have ravaged the land with full force. [We can blame GW for this stuipid choice of outcome].
Otherwise, not badly written from what I can tell.
Originally Posted by King Ulrik Flamebeard
Hello there. Im back from my week-long vacation without a computer, and im alive....barely..
I see the big point in both your messages, It involves to many known charachters....
I have no idea whatsoever about the emperor being slain, or even fighting in the SoC.
I shall certainley dump Grimgor, you are abosolutely right about the "seem big, look at me" factor. It was however the first time I wrote fluff......and I mostly did it for fun, and didnt think how it would fit into the the real story. Thanks for the advice, I will come up with something new after a while. It wont involve anything big, just orcs cracking eads.