Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
I like it, made it up as I went so there could be some errors. I might add more if there are requests.
Kael gazed out across the open sea. The deep green entranced him everytime he looked upon it. His fingers glided along the railing as he walked, he let his mind wander, thinking back to the night it all began, almost fifty years ago.
Oh, how the twins danced that night. Their movements, extentions of his arms, his actions, his rage. He must have slain seven that night, but no matter how many he cut down, there were more to take their place. He and his sister were forced to flee the tower on his loyal companion, Oz'Drith. The dark pegasus had carried them to safety. But why had they come? What had he done that demanded assassins at his door? And where was his father when this happened? He did not know anything. He only knew they took everything from him. His home, his life, Maya. Does she still remember him? Does she still...need him? He left so fast he did not have time to say goodbye. Somewhere, she was waiting. He swiftly snapped out of his dream, they couldn't see weakness, they might decide to act on it.
Not everything was lost, though. He had his life, his swords, his sister. He quickly glanced across the deck to her. Riz'va was so young then, she had just started her tutoring in the dark arts, but she had so much potential. The pain that wracked the few who tried to take her was beyond anything he had ever seen, they screamed, writhed on the ground, tore at their skulls as if trying to free something. One leaped out of the tower to his death, trying to avoid the pain within his mind. She was scared then, she didn't understand, but now..now she commanded the respect of everyone on the ship, even him. But she was still, and will always be, his little sister.
And some things were gained. The only safe place he knew, besides home, was this ship, and that was where they landed. In the desperate hour he claimed by right of inheritance he was taking control, and commanded the crews loyalty. He renamed the ship to avoid detection, and sailed East, away from Hag Graef, away from his sorrows...
"My lord," one of his commanders said, "The men await your command." A deep hunger lurked in his eyes.
He startled Kael, though the captain hid it well. "Let it be done," Kael replied with a confident smirk, "I want no survivors." As the commander walked away and the boats were lowered, he returned his gaze to the rough waters of the Imperial Coast, and drifted back into fantasy.
All these years, living a lie, avoiding the truth. He gave up his nobility long ago and took up the life of a captain. Whoever caused him this pain, whoever made him leave home and the person he desired most, would pay. Some day, he would find whoever was responsible, but he would make sure they didn't excape.
Alas, we lie our heads to bed;
forgetting the horizon.
The shadow comes to take us all,
not leaving one behind them.
The silent beast,
does claim us all.
As silent as,
the leaves do fall.
A ship of grace, of size,
I die, my friend, alone in pain,
aboard the Evermourn.
-A poem found floating in a bottle, five weeks after a town north of Marienburg dissapears.
Last edited by DarKnife; July 27th, 2006 at 17:08.
That was excellent! Please write more.
Worshipper of Dice
Last game: Victory Dark Elves vs High Elves & Orcs & Goblins
WDL: Dark Elves:37/6/8 Space Marines:7/3/3
I like it, but I have a few problems with it. I think the his retainer would have spoken to him in a more servant to master sort of way, more like "My lord, the ship awaits your command" or something like that. You have to remember that the Druchii speak much better than we do, or at least me (I can't speak for you all, of course).
His sister wouldn't really be with him if she had only been studying magic for a short time, she'd be in one of the six convents. Thats not a big thing, just a little wrinkle you might want to iron out.
You say he gave up his nobility to become a captain, but the Corsair Lords who travel the seas are very respected, and some nobles spend most of the year at sea attacking ships and taking slaves, its a very profitable industry, the backbone of the Naggarythine economy to be sure, so maybe you could say hes in with a bunch of outcast sailors and such, however you want to spin it.
One last thing, and this is a small thing but its something you might consider. Har Ganeth is the City of Executioners, the seat of Khaine and all that, and while it is on the water Hag Graef would be a much better port to sail from. Its the city where almost all slaves come into from the raids and such.
Again, even though I nitpicked a lot I liked it and hope to see more.
Pain is life, while I feel pain I still live, and while I still live I will seek vengance.We are few but strong in will
The last with pagan blood
We fought the world with burning steel
Now we sit in Hall of Gods
Right, that was the only part about the story that messed me up, Ill put it in a different way.Originally Posted by sonofslaaneshPrivate tutors because she wasn't old enough to join the school officially yet?Originally Posted by sonofslaaneshWell, seeing as how about 20 assassins came to his door, he gave up his title so it would be harder for them to track him. Now they cant ask where is Noble Kael of such and such? They have to say where is this guy?Originally Posted by sonofslaaneshI could change that quickly.Originally Posted by sonofslaaneshlol I'll work on it. My friend is spending the night for a few days so it may be a few days.Originally Posted by sonofslaanesh