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Right I was thinking of making a little adventure story that I would add to every so often. So tell me If you like this and want more because I will do so.
It was pitch but two bloodshot eyes staring blankly at the sky. A few crackles and the fire was lit. It flickered and pulsed across the almost naked Beastmen's toned bodies. It picked out each tiny muscle and shone upon their weapons. The jungle trees around them seemed an odd silent, it was windy, they never moved nor howled in the wind.
The eyes closed as if the shaman had had awokened from the trance. Still with his eyes closed the shaman proclaimed to the Beastmen surrounding him,'' One of you has been chosen by our God, The prince!!''
Roars and cheers echoed into the misty surroundings. The Shamans hand raised into the air pointing at each one of the members in the herd. It stopped.
'' You...Scorthren...you are special, a proud one amongst us..you have pleased our god and therefore pleased me..You have been chosen.''
Scorthren roared twice and beat his chest. Steam come from his nostrils but quickly become more mist.
'' A weapon it lies somewhere in this crude and incompetent world.. it is for you, A gift from our god...SLAANESH!!!''
And with that Scorthren called upon his his trusted herd and slowly vanished into the trees.
Thats it for know!! Enjoy!! I know It ain't very good but i'm only 14 and not the most literacy gifted child
Could I have a bit more info on that please??
Well young one..... don't let magila get you down it is good that you are trying to build fluff, especially at a young age.
Good writing is very hard, VERY hard. I suggest that you first try to better understand what you are trying to write about. Do some research not only within the Warhammer fluff but from any where that includes beastmen type creatures. So things like centaurs, satyrs, Puk...???
My advice to you would be to write the world from an animals point of view. Describe smells, and sounds with great detail and leave the conversation simple or non-existent. Communication between these beats should be physical, lots of body language, violence etc..
Oh and buy a thesaurus.....
Is there really lots of spelling mistakes though???
Bad grammer. Shou8ld've been 'if'- that is, without the capital.IfI don't know what you are talking about here.The jungle trees around them seemed an odd silent, it was windy, they never moved nor howled in the wind.I think there should be a space between the comma and the quotation marks, and it should be 'the Prince' not 'The prince.'surrounding him,'' One of you has been chosen by our God, The prince!!'''A' should not be a capital.world.. it is for you, A giftI know 'ain't' was deliberate, but what is a literacy gifted child? Also, the 'it' should not have a capital.I know It ain't very good but i'm only 14 and not the most literacy gifted childThe word you are looking for is 'now'.know
So basically there were no spelling mistakes save for one deliberate one and a few instances of bad grammer. Seeing as no-one's perfect (except for me) then cut him some slack for these non-existant spelling mistakes.
I also acknowledge that in America grammer is different than in England.
Last edited by Attila the Hun Jr; November 5th, 2006 at 11:47.
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