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Hey I like, a nice piece of well thought out fluff. Will you be going into more depth with characters or anything?
I really liked that. But just a few little things.
1)Just change it to danger. Dangerousness sounds a bit silly.He was wizened and ancient, but silhouetted against the dull firelight, he exuded an aura of dangerousness
2)A bit of a contradiction with thunderous rythem then saying there was no discernable rhyme. As rythim denouts ryhme. Change it too something likeThey began stamping their feet in a thunderous rhythm. At first, there was no discernable rhyme or reason to their frenetic pace
stamping their feet in a thunderous uproar.
3)Is Hojen a different name for the Horned Rat coz i thought that was the skavens only god. Or have you just made up a different god?"Battle-brothers! The slender ones die easily, for their god is no match for the might of Hojen! They dare assault us here, at our hall, at VĂșrminheim. But we will feast on their entrails and sacrifice their bodies to our gods! If you fall in battle here, you will be taken to Valaskjalf, to feast for ever with Hojen!" He raised the spear. "I have here the spear Gungnir. With this I dedicate this battle to Hojen! To war!"
Oh and Valaskjaif, ive heard that before. Have you played Severance blade of Darkness. It also sounds a bit too glorious and viking. Doesn't really suit the ratmen.
Apart from that really good.
<span style='color:red'>"Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion"
"Errr do you mean run away?"
"Thats the one"</span>
"Oh man, look at that."
"Over there, by that river of boiling souls."
"Well I'll be damned... it's a Starbucks."
<a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
<a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>
So we are stealing from my forefathers religious beliefs are we ,) ?
(for others, Gungne/Gungnir was the spear of Odin)
I like the fluff, though. Very skaveny.
BTW: Valaskjalf? Wouldnt be Valhalla you mean? (I hate non-norwegian words for norwegian mythology...)
Yes, these are Odin-worshipping skaven. Valaskjalf is Odin's great hall, and Gungnir is his spear that never misses its target. Hojen is Odin, but also the Horned Rat. And sacrifices to Odin were made by hanging the sacrifice as well as spearing it.
I am actually torn, now, on the threshold of painting my forty Clanrats. I am not sure if I want to do this army, complete with converted Skaven chariot, or a Hastur cult army with converted Byakhee for Rat Ogres. I have both conversions written out... it's a sticky wicket.
Si em, tow en can de lach.
Tak! Tak! Tak ah wan, Tak a lah!
Mi tow, can de lach.
Mi him, en tow.
Goddamn! Now thats a skaven story. My only suggestion is that if you ever develop a main character, maybe it shouldn't be the old rat. The story reads like the beginnings of something glorious, so a younger protagonist prehaps?
âCry âHavocâ and let slip the dogs of war!â? - Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene I