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So, I got up to the shop yesterday to play a game of fantasy against a friend. It was a good time for us both, and I got to try out a new army while he gave some new unit comps a shot. Here's the report-
Skarsnik blinked his eyes at the brilliant explosion of light on the plains below. A massive, whirling vortex formed, and a steady stream of creatures issued forth. Altered by the burst of magic, Skarsnik’s shaman, Grizzit, shuffled up beside him.
“Cold-bloods. Great Lizards from ‘cross the sea. Why is they here though?”
“I dunno,” Skarsnik said, watching as the lizardmen formed themselves into lines for battle. As the portal began to close, a singularly huge creature, born aloft on a heavy throne, glided onto the scree covered plain. His bulk was enormous- bigger than Skarsnik’s pet squig Gobbla. Bigger even than that worthless paunch called Grom. Skarsnik’s eyes narrowed, he and this ‘fatty’ weren’t going to get along...
40 Nightgoblins: full command, nets, spears, 3 fanatics
30 Nightgoblins: banner, musician, spears, 2 fanatics
29 Nightgoblins: banner, musician, bows, 1 fanatics
10 Spider Riders: musician
9 Squig Hoppers
Redfinger da Battle Standard Bearer: Red Raggedy Banner (reroll panic within 1ft)
Gizzit da Shaman: 2 dispell scrolls
Gobang da Shaman: Staff of sneaky stealin (take 1 enemy casting dice, add to dispel pool)
Priest on Steg. Ancient
16 Temple Guard
-- 3 units
15 Suarus, banner, musician
-- 2 units
3 Kroxigors: great weapons
Large house on my left flank. Trees at the midline, extreme left flank. Second wood, 1’ inside the first, just over the midline. Hill, center of my right flank. Hill, center of enemy lines. Open plain from my right flank forward.
30 NGs hold my right flank, with 9Hoppers to their right. 40NG units hold the center/rear. 30NGs hold the left flank, with 9Hoppers in front. 29NG bowmen units deploy in front of the 40NGs. Left bowmen unit deploys on the hilltop. My entire army is situated around the hill on my right side, across from the open ground. Spider Rider units deploy near the house on my left flank, as a stalling measure and a decoy.
Skarsnik and BSB join the 40NGs behind the hill. Shamans join the archers.
Enemy deployment: as viewed from my table edge
Templeguard hold the central hilltop. 3 Kroxigors deploy to their left. Both saurus units deploy to their right. 1 unit of skinks is deployed in front of the Kroxigors, strung out across the front of the hill. Second unit of skinks is deployed infront of the hill and 1st saurus regiment. The final regiment of skinks are deployed on the right flank, infront of the final saurus units.
The Characters are the only deployment delayed by Skarsnik’s “Traps” rule, and must walk onto the field from the friendly table-edge, as though deployed there.
I rolled to get the first turn, with a 6, vs a 3.
Skarsnik chuckled as he saw the work his sappers had done, stalling the enemy leaders. There was still going to be a good lashing for many of them however, who had failed to stall the rest of the enemy army. Luckily, his boys were quick to rouse for a fight against a new enemy, and he was eager to get into the fight.
In front of him, his archers advanced solidly, Skarsnik following close behind with his mob of spears.
He heard a low chanting to his left. Looking for the source of the disturbance, he saw the mob of spears whipping themselves into a frenzy. With squeaky shouts and delusions of glory, the goblins stumbled forward a bit, and Skarsnik smiled to see that they had maintained order after all.
On his right however, the unit of archers began bickering loudly, and refused to move as they sorted out a fight over who should claim the leftovers from breakfast. The 40-gobbo mob of spears was stuck behind them, shouting beligerently. The Hoppers on the left surged forwards, their squigs catching the scent of fresh meat.
The spider riders scurried off across the battlefield, the first regiment stationing itself in the trees, within striking distance of the strange little lizards, and the second regiment staying just out of range of the lizards’ odd blowguns.
The Spider Riders wouldn’t be staying put for very long. Suddenly, a mammoth beast of scales and tusks lumbered onto the battlefield, and the goblins were eying it nervously. The tiny lizards crept forward and unleashed a hail of darts at the riders in the open, two of whom toppled from their mounts, poisoned.
Grizzit jumped and pointed vigorously at something up ahead. Climbing onto the shoulders of two unwilling goblins, Skarsnik could finally see over the archers, to realize that the Fat One had entered the field, his chair flying all by itself, and landing in the middle of a unit of unsettling looking lizards with skull masks. The Lizards seemed content to stay put now.
The hairs on the back of Skarsnik’s neck stood on end as magic charged the air. Lightning bolts whipped out towards the Hoppers on his right, but Gizzit and Gobang managed to dissipate it. The Fatty was making big motions with his hands, and but the spell fizzled and died. Skarsnik sighed with relief, until the Fat One added a bit more of a mental nudge. A huge ball of Waagh centered over the fatty.
“Uh... oh...” Skarsnik heard Grizzit say.
Seconds later Skarsnik was blasted from his perch in a roar of thunder. The sky over the hilltop where Fatty was positioned swirled with purple clouds. Skarsnik climbed back onto the shoulders of trembling goblins and watched as a massive, gnarled claw reached out and scooped up Fatty, while squishing many of the lizards surrounding him. With a snap and a pop, the hand retreated back through the whirling clouds, before they disappeared as well.
The battlefield was silent for a moment- and the air around the Spider Riders smelled strongly of urine. The silence broke suddenly as Skarsnik began laughing uproariously, toppling from the goblins’ shoulders. The Shamans each snickered at the fate of the Fatty. Skarsnik only stopped jeering when he realized that the giant hand had also stolen the shiny chair...
Skarsnik watched his army as each shocked goblin did exactly as was ordered- stayed put. The big lizards had lost their Bangy Fatty, and now they would have to march across the field, right onto Skarsnik’s pointy spears and cunnin’ trap. His archers readied their bows. To his right, the archers formed up into a battle-mob, instead of spreading out as a shootin-mob.
The Hoppers bounded forward with glee.
The Spider Riders though had had enough. Looking at the nearby giant lizard, the riders in the trees fled pell-mell across the front of their allies, blocking their charge. The other spider riders pointed and laughed, before yelling at the cowardly gits to stand clear.
The Lizards wasted no time in moving towards him. The giant beasts trudged ahead, and even made a rush towards the Spider Riders. The cowards kept on running, but the other regiment was smart enough to flee, racing past Skarsnik as he grinned at his own plan.
Blowdarts landed among Gizzit’s unit, the shaman hiding behind an unfortunate goblin. His shield was utterly pincushioned, the only gobbo to fall out of the entire unit. Gizzit laughed and produced his middle digit to the small lizards and their weedy spitball-sticks.
The hoppers were less fortunate- a burst of light from the top of the giant lizard killed one of their number, and a volley of darts killed another. On the right, a volley of darts killed 4 of the Hoppers, who, despite the fears and wishes of their riders, kept on leaping right towards the tiny lizards.
Gizzit laughed some more as he snapped aside the weakened Lizard magic.
Skarsnik waved his army foward, which was good since many of them were tired of waiting for his command and were careening forth all on their own. The hoppers on his right finally made impact with the tiny lizards in front of them, although one was killed by the hail of rushed dart-fire.
The spider riders near him were inspired, and rallied, turning about and charging forwards once more. The others though- they continued to flee and were nearly out of the fight. Skarsnik knew he should never have counted on forest-goblins for anything.
Grizzit’s archers opened fire on the lizards, sure that if their darts could hit, so could goblin arrows. The shots reaped a blood toll on the lizards, dropping 5 of the awkward things to the turf.
The Hoppers would not be outdone however, and the butchered almost a dozen of the lizards they were fighting. The tiny creatures had had enough, and ran for shelter behind their larger counterparts. The Hoppers bounced after them, and slammed into these bigger lizards with a cheer of delight (or terror- Skarsnik couldn’t be sure about the Hoppers).
Skarsnik watched as the lizards killed the rest of the hoppers on his left with magic and darts. It was okay- his hoppers were meant to die, even though he’d never tell them that. No proper gobbo was dumb enough to climb on the back of a mad squig. Skarsnik’s own pet Squig, growled impatiently at him. He hoped the beast was stay content for a little while- he tossed it a snotling to play with, heedless of the little greenskin’s screams.
More darts pelted down around Grizzit’s boys, but at such long range, there was little damage being done. Magic was another story however. Heavy stormclouds, charged with lightning circled over Skarsnik’s mob. He shouted frantically until Grizzit read some funny words from an old book, and the clouds disappeared.
The Hoppers munched on 3 of the big lizards, before the beasts could finally pin them down with spears and club them to death. Skarnsik laughed at the absurdity of the fight.
The Horde kept moving forwards without trouble, each goblin holding his place without complaint. The battle was going well- Fatty was dead, and except for the lost Hoppers and cowardly Spiders, Skarsnik’s hadn’t lost many gobbos at all. The Lizards however, were about to be surprised...
With a cheer, the archers on the right thrust forward one of their number- a loon, quite drunken on fungus beer, and bound to a heavy ball by a length of sturdy chain. The Fanatic plowed through the regiment of lizards who had been peppering Grizzit, and then continued right through the regiment of bigger lizards behind them. The beasts bellowed and screamed as the fanatic shredded several of their number, but refused to run away.
That was just a taste of the carnage that Skarsnik was ready to unleash. The flanking regiment of 30 gobbos, to his left, charged the unit of tiny lizards who had seen off his Spiders, and the Spiders decided to boldly add their weight to the charge. Being so quick, they did a fine job of intercepting the darts intended for the gobbos- only two of the cowards managed not to catch any. The other regiment of riders fled from the battlefield.
The Gobbos discharged two more fanatics along the way, one careening towards the giant beast with the sorcerer on it’s back, and the other bursting out through the skinks about to be skewered, towards the other regiment of towering beasts behind them.
The impact of battle was immense, and the goblins managed to stab enough of the tiny lizards into the ground, that they broke and fled. The goblins cheered and laughed, and despite Skarnsik’s orders, raced off after them. Luckily, they stopped when they saw the whirling ball of doom-dealing Fanatic, but they were still dangerously close to the big lizards just beyond.
The lizards were becoming aprehensive about the gobbos- they had seen the carnage inflicted by the Fanatics, and feared that perhaps every one of Skarsnik’s regiments might be holding onto one of the little bundles of death. Magic lashed out at the spiders, finishing them off entirely and saving Skarsnik the time, before more darts rained down on Grizzit. The lizards seemed to want Skarsnik to come to them, but he’d have nothing of it.
The fanatic behind the lizards quickly redirected itself, and joyously plunged back through the regiment of horrified cold bloods, ending up beside them this time. They resolutely stood their ground. Skarsnik redeployed Gobang’s unit into a “Shootin’ Block” and kept the flanker-spears a safe distance away from it. He needed his plan to work perfectly if he was going to finish off the lizards.
Arrows flew from the short goblin bows, and sliced down the rest of the tiny lizards. The final unit of blowgunners was gone- the lizards would have to charge.
Skarsnik climbed back onto the shoulders of his gobbos, and shouted a challenge to the enemy army-
“We’s killed your Fatty!” he began. He paused to think of more to say, “An we killed yer Chief too! An a whole bunch more! You’s come onto Crooked Moon turf, now I- Skarsnik- is gonna kill you alls!”
The lizards roared at the tiny greenskin’s bravado, and charged. Just as Skarsnik had hoped, and his plan came into action.
The archers stood firm and thrust their Fanatic out towards the lizards. The beasts were scythed down by the whirling goblins, before being pelted with arrow shots. The creatures shrugged off the punished blows and charged onwards relentlessly. The lines met, and blood arced high into the air as the lizards hacked away at the goblins. Gobang was butchered, hacked to shreds in an instant, but Gizzit once against escaped certain death. Skarsnik sighed- he had a profound hatred for shamans.
The thin Goblin lines couldn’t possibly hold, and suddenly they were rushing through the ranks of the 40-gobbo mobs behind them. The lizards hurried on, chasing them down. Gobang’s boys were caught in the open, but Gizzit’s mob managed to flee to safety.
As soon as the pursuing lizards came into range, Skarsnik shouted for the regiments to release their fanatics. The flanking regiment of 30-gobbos sent theirs careening across the front of the regiments, slamming through both regiments in a spectacle of bloody carnage.
The worst was yet to come, as each regiment of onrushing lizards was hit with 3 more Fanatics from each of the bigger mobs. The Lizards on the right were completely anihilated by the vicious charge, the last of their number turned into a puddle of gore as a fanatic’s iron ball crushed him into the earth. The other regiment literally fell upon Skarsnik’s mob, stumbling from the ferocity of the attack. Skarsnik’s boys hastily netted the survivors, and Skarsnik treated Gobbla to a royal feast...
On the right flank, the Fanatic kept the enemy at bay, whirring ominously in front of their line.
The fanatic hastily choked himself with his own chain, but not before the Gobbos behind him could shuffle away from the pack of angry lizards. Skarsnik laughed and looked to Grizzit’s fleeing mob. The sight of the army banner, and their overseeing boss, was enough to rally the goblins and set them right again. They turned, and the entire army moved itself away from the lumbering giant which bore down on their flank.
The lizards were defeated, and as one, turned and quit the field. The goblins chased them to the mountain bottom, tossing dung and rocks all the way. Skarsnik would never see the cold-bloods again. He sat down on a dead lizard and laughed, watching his boys chase down the fleeing beasts. Later they would return, maybe with a few dwarf scalps from the mining teams that could sometimes be found scouting the surface of the mountain. He decided that it was another good day to be green.
My Dear Captain,
What a great read and a thoroughly well fought battle! I only wish I would be able to take out "Fatty" on the first turn in my LM encounters - what a great move, 'cuz I really hate that guy!
I didn't take him out, he took himself out, and it's probably what helped win me the game. Had he lived, I would have had to leg it towards the enemy (something gobbos can never do reliably), and the Lizards player wouldn't have been motivated to make such a desperate charge on the last few turns.
The thing that I don't understand is why he didn't bring his Stegadon onto the field across from the center of my lines. Terror is nasty, and even though I had LD8 on my general, he would've done more damage with the Pulse and Terror-bombing there, than on my flank. Especially when he decided to navigate around the outside of the trees, rather than heading for the center (something not mentioned in the report).
He made a lot of silly mistakes, but he was out of practice. Hopefully I'll get to play him again next week, and we'll see if he's on his A-game.
I think I would literally fall down laughing if I played against a Lizard army who lost their Slann Priest "Fatty" on the first turn due to a miscast. It would not be sportsman like, but you must see the humor of it all...
Oh there were hysterics.
...and we're not sure where those two particular dice have gone. I think they're somewhere out in the parking lot. He winged 'em pretty far.
I've known this kid since I was 2 years old, and we got into the hobby together. We've seen some funny stuff happen in our games. We misunderstood the 40k rules once, and spent an hour shooting Krak missiles at eachother while the rest of our marines hid in cover. He splatted my Vampire general with a lucky Skull-catapult shot on turn 1 of a game.
Armies have run screaming from terror checks, skeletons have destroyed a BloodThirster, 2/3s of a deepstrike army has been destroyed before they even hit the table.
Seeing 'Fatty' bite one on the first turn was just a lot of pent-up dice rage and karma. haha.
then i read this battle its remaind me on my friend he are alwayes so unlucky but hes good to the game and win somehow and i am just lucky and being better and better but how the hell could his fatty be lvl 3 wizard? fatty are alwayes lvl 4 wizard but sound like a fun game can you try to put some small movies or something to see how the battel go just 1 for a trun