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The island Aubshaz was split into three bits, one of which had recently shattered-the high elf third, Crescalia. The other two parts, the druchii Scubrious and the empire Polenos were displaying spoils of war. They had ganged up to murder the high elf scum.
Scurion, the general of the Dark Elf, jumped onto the table displaying the spoils of war. Or rather, he tried to jump. "It is a very tall table!" he complained to his captains. "And you are a very tall elf," they replied. Eventually he made his way to the top.
"Alright, listen up, all of you," he yelled. "Do not touch this gold. It is all going to charity."
There were'What?''s and 'Why?''s all round.
"You heard me. Charity. The SOCK RF."
"The sock rf? Who the hell are they?" yelled one elf, defiantly.
Scurions shoulders drooped.
"The Scurion of Clar Karond retirement fund," he said, half-heartedly.
For the campaign, I will just show army lists and completely fluff the battles.
SPOILS OF WAR
Objective:Captain Narth of the Empire has lead a raid on the elves, attempting to gain yet more gold. Narth and his small group of 30 core troops must take on Scurion, Kennith[a COK herald. My brother likes to chant; 'Kennith, the cold one knight!' over and over again. ****. Now it's a musical] and 32 core troops. Narth has to get past them all to get 250 VP for the Empire. But the elves will get 200 VP if Narth is killed. No upgrades.
"Hey, Plutzer. Hows' about a-"
"SHHHH! With the noise you're making, you may as well stand up and yell,'Hey! Evil guys who will kill me horribly for this! I'm here!"
Ulmer, the denser of the men, stood up but fortunately Plutzer had his hand over his mouth.
"Yo Stevensmcpharsen! Bung me a-"
"SHADDAP! YOU ARE SO THICK! YOU'RE A BUNCHA-"
The cupboard door opened, doing two things. i) revealing a small warband of evil druchii, and ii) happily not making me be chucked out of LO for swearing obscenely.
Narth wasted no time with the introduction, instead opting to severe the first warriors head. The second raised his barbed spear for self defense, but it was quickly shattered and the vile Druchii met his doom. Over to the left, Ulmer recieve a wound from a crossbow bolt. To the right, Plutzer and Stevenmcpharsen enjoyed the Druchii's plundered ale supply. "Plutzer!" Narth roared! "Wahey!" said Plutzer, and jumped onto a nearby hole to the centre of the earth.
Already, half the dark elf warriors and the cold one knight had fallen and the same could only be said for 14 empire! Then Narth came face to face with Scurion. He bowed long and low. Scurion wasted no time with such pleasantaries and smashed Narth's head in with the blade of his rune-inscribed sword. "Sorry," he said casually. "I forgot how to bow." Behind him Narth stirred weakly. "Don't you have any manners?" he gasped weakly. A lame attempt at an insult. Scurion whorled around and plunged his sword into Narth, who would've screamed if he had had the energy. Instead, he just died. "Pardon me, my good man," simpered Scurion in an old English accent. "I seem to have left my sword in you."
After that it was relatively simple. The remining Empire fell beneath the blades of the Elves. Only Stephenmcpharsen was left, singing a beer song. It contained four swear words, two sexual references, a confession, and two hundred and three words in yet unbeknownst languages.
Did the dark elves let him live, as a slave? What do you think?