Hi all, it's been a long time since I've done a BP, so this will be crap.
Transalation: Hi all, it's been a long time since I've done a GOOD BP, so I'll say this is crap so I don't get rinsed.
Anyway, my experienced dark elves have encountered an empire army. Alright, we've been chasing it round Brettonia for two weeks, as part of a tournament. (This is the 'final,' the High Elves, Wood Elves, Chaos and Brettonia went out long ago.) However, something quite interesting has happened; some random Orcs have come too close for comfort. Well, have you ever experienced comfort smelling orc breath? But the point is, the dark elves were soundly thrashed. BUT: the dying spell of the Druchii scorcerress, Tuerna, made the Orcs think the Druchii were fellow orcs, and let them rule the army. Well, the couple dozen orcs they called an army. The surviving Druchii intended to use them as bodyguards 'til they got to their Black Arc, where the orcs would be turned into slaves. But no! The fleeing Elves were cornered. They had two options: die fighting or surrender and become slaves. Yes, of course I win. Would I be posting this if I hadn't?

Dark Elves:
Carria, mounted hero(On cold one)...................95(Sorry if this is incorrect, but we are having an extension and my DE army book is stuck in the attic and I am relying on a warhammer rulebook))
16 Repeater crossbowmen...............................176
16 Spearmen with shields................................128
Carrianos, Carria's daughter(hero).....................60
Total............................................................459
If this is incorrect, please correct me.

Orcs
10 Orc boys......................50
10 Orc Boys......................50
10 Orc Boys......................50
10 Orc Boys......................50
1 Goblin Shaman..............55
Total...............................255

Empire
Eldoras, Empire General.....80
Goperi, Empire Genral........80
30 Spearmen..................156
15 Handgunners..............120
15 Handgunners..............120
15 Handgunners..............120
Cannon..........................100
Cannon..........................100
20 militia........................120
20 militia........................120
Total.............................1114

Special rules:
1) The spell would wear off on turn 2 so the orcs will change sides then
2) Because they are under a spell the orc initiative is reduced to 1
3) This is a fight to the death. No points
4) The 'capture' house rule is in effect (seee 'DE raid empire')

Dark Elves and Orcs Turn 1
The DE won the toss. Carria marched his men to the far side of the hilltop they were standing on. Here the hapless Handgunners were munched with 32 repeater crossbow bolts tearing into one regiment of the empire scum. The handgunners were all slain. The orcs, screaming, charged into the terrified spearmen. Somehow only eight spearmen fell. Then an orc unfortunately scratched his head, leading to the death of his last retarded peanut the orcs call brain cells. He fell down dead after a few minutes. However, the reamaining orcs massacred the spearmen, leaving only five alive. "Spare us!" they pleaded. "It wud bi niss to hav sum dizert," said one orc, but the leader slit the throats of the remaining spearmen. Eight orcs had fallen in total from th spearmen. The leader picked up one of those orc legs, and munched on it. Pretty soon ALL the orcs were doing it. "YOW!" screeched one orc. "I is not ded yet!" "Yet," muttered the leader.

Empire Turn 1
Now for some strange reason, the empire cannon blew up, killing the crew and wounding the genral Gipori. It also killed an unfortunate hedgehog a crewmember had been hiding in his undergarments. Elsewhere, take, for instance, the front line, the hangunners were falling like flies, exept flies fall with dignity. They had only taken down two crossbowmen (due to the high groung) and watched nine of their comrades-at-arms fall backwards and one fall all the way up to the sky, where he was hit by a piece of shrapnel from the cannon. This unerved them slightly, so they fled the battlescene. Nearly. They were shot from behind. Obviously the demise of the handgunners needed a different tactic, something that required some serious thinking from general Gipori. Thinking, of course, was not something Gipori was very good at. So what does he do? He charges, of course. By himself. Into the feasting orcs. "Oh look," cried one orc. "Here comes desert!"

Dark Elves turn 2
...and the spell wore off...The battle field looked something like this:
:blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blin k::blink::blink::blink: :blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blin k::blink::blink::blink:
Alll eyes turned to the dark elves, who looked like this:
:blush:
..and then they came to their senses and shot the tar outta 16 orcs...

Orc turn 2
The orcs were furious! All of them charged the 32 dark elves-all 16 of them. Yup, you said it. Fly feast. Eight orcs were bought down before they reached the spearmen, and because of their 1 initiative, they only killed one spearmen. But Carria saw that the shaman was conjouring something nasty. So he jumped on his cold one, Poodle, and charged the shaman, who's final spell murdered the Druchii knight. Anyway, the Orcs were out of it.

Empire turn 2
General Elidoras fired the second cannon, which spontaneously combusted, massacring him and the cannon crew AND six militia. There would be empire undergarments in Lustria this thime tommorow. (This thime tommorrow in lustria: A random skink looks up in the air, and what does he see? A pair of pants discoveing gravity two feet above his head...) Anyway, the handgunners killed four crossbowmen and two spearmen. Then the militia charged, but were out of range.

Dark Elf Turn 3
The crossbowmen killed fourteen handunners. The remaining one bought down a crossbowman, then was killed himself. The spearmen fled the board, to a chorus of,"Na na na na, na na na na, we say goodbyeeeeeeeeeee..."