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  1. #1
    Senior Member AlbinoAlien's Avatar
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    A sisters of battle vs tzneecth story

    It is the reclamation of Raxius Prime. The Agri-world had been wracked with civil unrest, mass cults to the Changer of Ways had erected themselves on the planet, ugly monolithic structures rose into the air, morphing in and out of the imperium, ungodly and unholy angles shaped upon thier figures, contorting the vision of those who looked upon them. They now no longer stood, thier ugly visages cast down on the world as imperial forces made way to cut the heresy out of this world, and reclaim it in the name of the Emporer.
    The imperial forces are lead by Inquistor lord Rostokov. A man of high zeal, and even higher tactical sense. It is largely to his strategic manuevering that the war on Raxius Prime was finally turning in favour of the Imperium. So dramaticlly had the crusade changed that, the troops under his command began to call the Inquisitor "Rostokov the Blessed". It is now a critical moment of the war. Because of his high popularity, and out right strategic importance, chaos forces have on numerous occasions attempted to assasinte Rostokov. All attempts have failed, but now, a full scale mobile force has been brought together under the leadership of Tzneecth lord Zethlka, in an attempt to catch the Inquisitor at his moment of vulnerability.
    The setting is the Temple of Zeal, a place said to be strong in the immaterium, where the Most Holy Emporer was said to have landed during the time of the great crusade. Being a pious man, Rostokov has made it his personal agenda to kneel before the Emporers effigy in this temple, in hopes to gain holy insight on a quicker way to win this crusade. Bringing with him his bodyguard consisting of the Sisters of the Golden Shroud, Rostokov must be protected at all costs, and no heretic must be allowed to step foot in the most holy temple, lest of course thier taint purges the mark of the Emporer.

    "Sister Superior Valernia reporting. Squad one in positon in northeast quarter of temple. No sign of contacts over".
    "Vox frequencies open. This is Sister Dardenia in the southwest ruins. Retriubitors are in position and heavy bolter crossfires are in place. No contacts".

    Kneeling before the effigy of the Emporer, Rostokov prayed. His retinue in the main chamber, waiting impatiently and nervously as the Inquisitor prayed for the Emporers guidance. The team knew that at any moment chaos forces could come crashing down on thier heads. Only the temples priest was allowed to enter and interrupt the Inquisitors prayer, if and when the chaos forces arrived.

    Alcolyte Rafken turned to Interrigator Tyforn.

    "Sir, if the chaos forces do indeed strike us here, what shall we do? Allied forces at best are an hours way from here, and i do not think the Sisters will be able to hold against any large form of Chaos forces."
    "Alcolyte, such pessimism is not becoming to one in the Inquisitions order. If chaos is to show It's ugly head, then we shall crush it, and failing that we shall call for reinforcments. With the blessing of the Emperor, they will make great haste to aid us".
    Unconvinced, the Alcolyte turned and began to pace the hall.

    Sister Superior, veteran of the Golden Shroud, was on the lookout. Any sign of chaos was to be immediatly reported the the Inqusitor inside. Gazing out into the mist, the Sister stared. Suddenly, from the mistly gloom visages appeared. Great, monstorous beings, spike effigies running out of thier armour, great shimmering weapons held in each hand. She had her targets.
    "Come in Inquisitor, this is Sister Valernia. I have contacts. Enemy Terminators in Northeast sector. Commencing fire.
    "This is Interrogater Tyforn. Did you say Terminators Sister? Surely that can not be true."
    As the sisters were directed by thier sargent to lay waste with bolter shells on the enemy terminators, each shot was repelled by thier unholy armour, each bolter seemed to twist and turn out of thier path.
    "Sir! i repeat, these are indeed enemy Terminators, i count eight visuals!"
    "Eight enemy terminators?!?! Uhh..hold your position sister, I will notifiy the Inquisitor."
    With that the vox clicked off, and Valernia and her nineteen sisters were alone.
    Dardenia, with heavy bolter in hand, was firing. Great big shells coughed out of her weapon, stiching great gouts of crossfire in the ground. All around her, heavy bolters spat thick shells in the direction of the enemy vehicle. Giant rending gouts appeared in the front of the twisted, warped Rhino. Fearing that the vehicle would shrug off these wounds, Dardenia pushed her fire power even harder. Striking one of the already rents in the front of the Rhino, a bullet pentrated inside the vehicle. At once, fire shot out of every opening in the tank as something flammable caught lite.
    The side doors being blown open by the immense fires, hulking monstrosities began to lumber out of the rhino. Slow lumbering Chaos marines pilled out of the rhino, each ones armour singed from the flames inside. But each seemed unperturbed, and Dardenia prepared herself for the coming battle. Before anything else though, a last armoured figure slowly exited the burning wreck. Engulfed in flames, this machination of a warrior could do nothing as he slowly trumbled on the battlefield, heading straight for the sisters postion. Before the marine could make it halfway to the sisters however, his armours gyros finally melted to slag, his form slumping into the ground as the fires continued to burn away his armour.
    "This is sister Dardenia. I have contacts. One Chaos transport has been laid to waste, and another marine has fallen to what must be the holy fires of the Emporer."
    "Sister, how many combatants do you have on visuale?" replied the Interrogater.
    "I have nine more chaos marines heading towards my positon".
    "Roger that sister. Hold your position and do not allow the traitors past you".
    The vox clicked off in Dardenia's ears as she began to hear the report of bolters coughing far off in the distance.
    Valernia was under heavy storm bolter fire. The shots, with the blessing of the Emporer went wide. When all return fire ceased, Valernia sighed with relief. Not one of her sisters had fallen prey to the enemy fire. Then suddenly, in the distance, Valernia viewed a most peculair scene. Not realising the terminators carried with them prisoners with chains wrapped around thier necks, Valernia saw the biggest most malicous of the Terminators grap one by the neck. Severing the creatures foul head with a cut of his power claw, the marine began to tremble. Writihering warp enegeries begain to coalese around the giant marine.Three sisters, obtaining visuals for the rest of the squad, were exposed on top of some ruins. Pulling back his giant terminator hand, the Twisted lord shot forth an almost invisible bolt of pychic force. The air contorted where the bolt moved and contacted with one of the sisters on top. It hit with such force it shook the building the sisters occupied on the ground.The front of the womans armour dented so far inwarded the sister was crushed flat, so fast as not even granting the woman a chance to scream. Flying what must have been two hundred meters back, the sister landed with a pathetic slump, blood ozzing where her body had been obliterated.
    And then, again, from the direct east quadrant, a chaotic transport appeared and unloaded its heretic marines. With unerring accuaracy, the marines pinned the sisters with thier bolter fire. Another sister on top of the building was caught off guard from the incoming fire. Her head exploded from the impact, the lifeless body slumping down to her comrades bellow.
    Gulping and praying to the Emporer, Valernia clicked on her vox.
    "New contacts from the East sector! Enemy transport and ten chaos marines on visual! Two sisters down".
    No reply came back.

    "Interrogater! someone has to alert the Inquisitor! The enemy is at our door step and we do not have the firepower to hold this position" the Alcolyte said, aggrivated, with a bit of nervousness in his voice.
    "We will not interrupt Rostokov until his prayer is complete! Alcolyte Rafken, you will vox to any imperial forces in the vicinity for immediate aid. You will also remember your place as Alcolyte! That is all".
    Unconvinced, Rafken nevertheless opened up the ancient vox communicator in the temple, raising any imperial forces within the vicinity.

    Dardenia was slowly being overwhelmed. While not taking any causalties, she could tell it was only a matter of time. Another enemy transport had unloaded its cargo on the battlefield, and ten more marines were now heading towards her position. Things were not going well, when suddenly a great flash appeared in the southern sector. A moment later, one of Dardenia's sisters had dissapeared, her body nothing more than ash in the wake of a lascannon shot. Abrutly, Dardenia's sisters lowered themselves in cover, trying to avoid the wave of fire coming from the chaotic tanks turrets.
    "This is sister Dardenia. We have a Chaos Predator in the Southern quarter. Will hold position but be advised Interrogator, my retributors aren't equippeded to deal with enemy armour.
    "....Understood Dardenia. Give them hell".
    Turning back towards the marines ahead, Dardenia fired her heavy bolter in unison of her sisters, bringing one more the of traitor marines to his knees as great gouts of armour were blown off.
    Again, another flash appeared in the distance. This time closer. Worried that this was another enemy force, Dardenia prepared to open the vox again. But with sudden speed, the flash moved closer to the second heretic squad, and opened fire with a great burst of flame. Holy promethium spilled out of the vehicles turrets, bathing one of the heretics in flame as his armour melted down to a puddle of ceramite.
    Cheering wildly, the Dardenia's sisters re-opened fire with great fury at the sight of the Immolater tanks arrival.
    "Command! This is Dardenia! Reinforcments are arriving!"

    Interrogater Tyforn turned to the Alcolyte
    "You see Rafken? The reinforcments are already here, ready to wipe the Emporers enemies from this planet."
    Grudgingly, Rafken nodded.
    "It does seem that reinforcments got here rather quickly.....have you heard from Valernia's squad?"
    "Just a second" the interrigator responded. "Let me open the channel".
    "Valernia, whats your-
    Turning towards the Alcolyte, Interrogator Tyforn said nervously,
    "It appears things are a little tight in the Northern Sector...nothing to worry about however".
    Both men solemnly turned towards the doors to the chapel, both mimiking each others thoughts of dread.

    Sister Valernia was in a rut. The terminators from the Northwest were pushing ever harder towards her lines, while the heretic squad from the west was laying a suprisingly heavy amount of fire. Already two more sisters had died from bolter fire. Pouring fire into the terminators, the sister had underestimated the western squads combat ability. Looking back towards the west, the sister froze. One of the marines, runic symbols pulsing across his armour, had grabbed one of the chained prisoners and ripped his arms off. Useing the arms almost like a conductor at a orchestra, the marine begain to move them almost like directing a sympothny. As with the pychic bolt that had obliterated Valernia's sister earlier, a invisible ripple spread out from the marine, the very edges of it rippling through the front rank of Valernia's sisters. Immediatly, the front three sisters stopped moving. As if held by puppet strings, the sisters were forced still by someone else's accord.
    The heretic began moving the bloody arms about, pychic energy rippling through the air. Almost immediatly, one of the three sisters arms ripped out of thier sockets. As she lay screaming with pain, the conductor continued his orchestra. The next sisters' body moved as if a giant invisible hand were forcing it. Her legs bent backwards, breaking in place. Her ribs cracked and she screamed with such agony that some of the squad faltered in the face of such horror. Finally, as if to end the screaming, her neck snapped in a horryifing fashion, dangiling in a fashion not possible for humans. The last sister, seeing what happened to her other two comrades, began to writhe and squirm as she tried to escape. Suddenly, her body rose into the air. With a cesendo, the chaos marine threw the arms out of his hands. Immediatly, the sister tore in two, entrails and organs spilling out amongst the others in her squad, causeing even more sisters to falter at the horrifying sight they saw.
    Valernia, noticing the effect this was having on her squad, opened on the squads' channel.
    A few of the women continuted to fight, bolstered by thier veterans words, but most continued to stare dumbfounded and horrified.
    Desperate, Valernia cried aloud on the vox once more as salvation appeared in the distance.
    "To the north sisters! Our comrades have arrived to relieve us!"
    Indeed, a Sisters rhino had appeared, and unloaded its passengers to relieve the defenders. Whether on purpose or on accident, the passengers had unloaded on the other side of the terminators, thier backs turned to the enemy.

    Chaos terminator lord Zethlka was no fool. When he saw oppurtunity, he went for it. And the sisters had just opened the most perfect of oppurtunities. The fools had deployed with thier backs turned to his squad, not realised he was in a perfect position to cut them down
    "Brothers! Followers of Tzneecth! To me, to glory, to victory!"
    Following thier commander, the terminators struck. With such relentlessness that the sisters had no idea what hit them, the terminators attacked. It was over in seconds. With no time to prepare for the assualt, the sisters were cut down by ancient power blades.
    Roaring with victory, Zethlka continued straight ahead, nearing on the sisters positioned in the city ruins. Once he got to the remaing sisters, there would be no stopping his advance to the temple, where he would receive the most high blessing of Tzneetch.

    Valernia nearly lost hope right there. Seeing her sisters cut down so ruthlessly, and the terminators advancing on her position so tenaciously, Valernia almost gave up. But she was a Sister Superior, and her faith in the Emporer was unshakable. Continuing to fire, Valernia prayed silently that the Emporer would send her salvation.
    "Interrogater, this is Sister Superior Valernia. Our reinforcments have been cut down and we are being overrun. We will fight and die for the Emporer, but if nothing is done soon, the heretics will be on you shortly. Valernia out".
    Meanwhile, Dardenia was having a better time. The immolater had taken a direct hit from a second chaos predator that had hidden in the north west sector, and was now effecting repairs to get its treads moving again. But to negate this slight tactical disadvantage, another sister rhino had appeared to aid the defenders. The sisters unloaded from thier rhino with such battle effieceny that the bolters of thier guns seemed to fire twice as much, cutting down two more heretics. Not to be found wanting, Dardenia let loose with her remaining sisters, stitching a horrible crossfire, blowing the helmet off a chaos marine, causing the rest of the body to fall to its knees.
    And then came the Chaos fire. The two predators, seeing the bigger threat, blew a ragged firing line from both sides of the battlefields that two of Dardenias sisters were blown from thier hiding spot, ragged craters made in thier cover as the sisters crouched lower.

    "We have to act now Tyforn! No longer can you say that our rienforcments will stave the enemy. I'm getting the Inquisitor out here NOW".
    Before the Alcolyte could do anything however, the chapel doors opened.
    "Inquisitor!" the Alcolyte said.
    "We have to act fast! The enemy is at our doorstep an-
    "I know what we must do Alcolyte. The Emporer has granted me the vision of where we will strike in this battle, and win this fight. He has also granted me vision of where we will strike in this crusade, and finally win this planet back from the heretics."
    Moving towards the temple's priest the Inqusitor addressed him
    "Brother priest, the Emporer has granted me a vision of you as well. Will you fight with me, sword in hand, against the enemies of the Emporer?"
    The priest solemnly knelt on one knee and spoke to the Inquisitor, "As the Emporer wills" and drew a ornate sword and las pistol.
    "Good. Then we shall move to the battle"
    Following the Inquisitor came his three combat servitors, his priest, his alcolyte, and his interrogator. For a moment, both men glanced at each other, a look of doubt on each others face.

    Valernia was in despair. She was down to eight sisters, inculding herself. The conductor marine had performed his orchestra again, as Valernia watched sisters right next to hear have arms and legs pulled off, blood splurting as arteries were ripped open.
    The Terminators had not let up in thier advance, and presice stormbolter fire was cutting through her ranks. Killing two of the enemy marines had done little to help her mood, and Valernia was certian she and her sisters were dead. Looking all around, she despaired as she saw so many of her sisters lieing dead or dieing. Many of them had been left half alive by the conductor marine, thier wounds draining them of thier blood.
    "This will be the end" Valernia though to herself.
    And suddenly, like salvation of dawn at the darkest of night, the rest of her order appeared. Three great machines, flamers belching and weapons flailing had appeared behind the terminators, and were even now burning them into molten heretical slag.
    And following these were the deliverance of salvation on angels wings. Literally flying over the battlefield, Valernia could see her sisters of the Seraphim laying bolter fire on the terminators, felling one of the benemoths as his visor exploded in a rush of fire and blood.
    This time, her sisters took notice. All at once, a great cheer aroused from thier eight throats, a cheer of victory and a cheer to thier Emporer for deliverance.

    Chaos lord Zethlka was about to understand the meaning of karma. Caught completely unawares of the enemy behind him, the Pentient engines tore through his squad like a lascannon through flak armour. Immolating one of his Lieutents in flames, the Petients advanced on his location. Running through the burning terminator, the Pentients swatted two Terminators away like flies, crushing them with swipes of thier arms. To late Zethlka turned to face his opponent. Forunatly, one of his thralls was within reach, and Zethlka used him as a human shield, blocking the worst of the Pentients attacks. Things were turning for the worst for Chaos lord Zethlka.

    And like a great fulcrim, things suddenly turned the worst for Dardenia's squad. The sisters who had come to reinforce them were now in a melee with the chaos marines, fighting for thier lives. The immolater, with Dardenia's squads support, was able to bring down three more heretics with its most holy flame. Dardenia's squad also was able to bring down two more heretics, resorting to almost point blank heavy bolter fire as anything less would not bring these heretics to death. With the battle heading this way, Dardenia thought that maybe her sisters would have a chance. And as misfortune had fallen her comrades, it would now befall her sisters. The heretics, tiring of the sisters bolter fire, concentrated themselves, and blew two more sisters dead, great jagged rents in thier armour showing where the bolter shells had pierced thier bodies. Another marine, a pychic by the glowing symbols, and sent a wave of pychic force through the sisters. And although Dardenia was able to shrug off the pychic wave, one of her sisters was less resolute in heart and was torn in half at the chaos marines control. Down to herself and two other sisters, Dardenia fired her Heavy bolter into the oncoming squad. Like a flash, her two other sisters vanished, the souther predator taking its toll on her squad. Seeing the other predator charging to fire, Dardenia screamed into the air for the Emporers salvation, and let loose, her heavy bolter blazing away.
    Coughing death into the ranks below, another chaos marine succumbed to her intense fire before the final predators lascannons converged on Dardenia, vaporising the top half of her body.

    "Inqusitor!" yelled Tyforn.
    "The Retriubitors have been annhiliated! And we are no longer receiving communique from Sister Valernia! I suggest a orbital withdrawal."
    The Inquisitor rounded on his Interrigator so quickly no one had time to blink.
    Everyone was suprised to find the Inqusitors own inferno pistol pressed against his interrogators head, Tyforn on his knees.
    "Tyforn! You will speak these cowardice words no more! We head towards the Southern sectors defenders, and that is were we shall win this fight!"
    Letting go of the Interrogator, the Inquisitor stalked away, retinue following.

    Valernia could not beileve the fortune bestowed upon her. Although two more of her sisters had died, another squad of sisters had arrived, even more reinforcments. This squad swung south, to use its holy melta guns and destroy the armour. Meanwhile, the Serpahims had engaged the heretics few numbers. Seeing the swirling melee in front of her, Valernia ordered her sisters forward with a raging battle cry.

    Distracted already by the swooping sisters, Valernia's sisters hit the chaos marines like a crude rock, smashing the remaining marines aside. Grabbing her bolter one handed, Valernia let loose a full fuilsade of bolter shells into the chest of a chaos marine. So hard was the recoil from the bolter that it dislocated Valernia's arm, but it did not matter. The chaos marine recoiled and was sent sprawiling on the ground, dead. Nearby, Valernia saw one of her sisters jump and wrap her legs around the torso of another marine. Shoving the barrel of her bolter through the marines face plate, the sister let loose full auto in the marines head, the bolters punching all the way through the other side of the helmet. Collapsing, the marines body crumpled away.
    Noticeing while firing with her other hand, Valernia saw that the rest of the marines armour was empty.
    "What sort of blashemous marines are these?" Valernia thought.
    Needless to say, the heretics were destroyed by the combined might of both squads.

    Ahead, Alcolyte Rafken could see the melee. The sisters were holding well against the chaos marines, each one dealing equal death to the other squad. But the alcolyte could also see nearby another squad of marines preparing to enter the combat. Realised that the sisters would be overwhelemed, the Alcolyte began to falter in his charge. With a flash in the south, the chaos predator fired.
    Behind him, Interrogator Tyforn saw Rafken vaporised by the predator and gulped. He prepared himself for the combat ahead, to follow his Inquisitor to the death.

    Chaos lord Zelthka was in trouble. His Terminator squad lay dead and broken, the Pentients laying waste to his squad. With all his thralls dead, there was nothing he could utilise to defeat these beasts of war, each blow of his power claw turned by these machines armour. A bright flash of light came from his left, and he realised his own predator was firing into the pentients. One of the crazed machines exploded in flames, the entire structure erupted as the lascannons convered on its weak point. Seeing his oppurtuinity, Zethlka decided to run for it. Converging on him, both pentients literally jumped over the chaos lord, and boxed him in. Giving no remorse, the pentients began to beat the Chaos lord to death with thier massive club weapons. Crying into the sky, Zethlka began to feel his terminator crack open as the Penitent engines layed waste to him. Screaming a curse, Chaos terminator lord Zethlka died.

    Inquisitor Rostokov walked the meele like a prophet. Left and right sisters and chaos marines fought one another in a bloody fight. A path had opened up in between the combat, and no one payed heed to the inquisitor who walked in thier midst. Seeing a sister struggling with a chaos marine, his bolter almost to her head to fire, the Inquisitor calmy pulled out his inferno pistol and shot the heretic in the temple, his entre helmet caught alight and blazing. The sister shrugged off the burning body and continued the fight. Seeing the Pychic that lay in the midst of the chaos marines company, the inquisitor charged forth with his holy weapon, his power mace blowing a hole right through the marines armour. Seeing thier captian lay dead, the marines hesiated. Capitilizing on this, the Inquisitors combat servitors punched through the marines with thier power fists, obliterating any combatants that were left standing.

    Seeing Rosotkov in thier midst, the sisters charged the next squad of heretics, overwhelming them with thier religous zeal. Leaving the sisters to thier massacre, Tyforn turned to his Inquisitor.
    "Sir, how did you know to be here and turn this tide of battle?"
    Rostokov turned towards his Interrogator.
    "The Emporer sent me two visions Tyform. And now, i need you to raise the orbital command. Thier is an invasion i must plan that will see this wars end."
    "As you wish Inquisitor, The Emporers will be done"
    Staring into the ensuing meele, the Inquistor spoke "the Emporers will be done", and charged.

    Last edited by AlbinoAlien; September 1st, 2007 at 23:54.
    PM me about Aurora Prime Vassal fights! Willing and ready!

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  3. #2
    Senior Member AlbinoAlien's Avatar
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    72 (x3)

    So like...no comments? Nothing? Not even a "it sucks!!!"? ahh well....
    PM me about Aurora Prime Vassal fights! Willing and ready!

  4. #3
    Member socalghia's Avatar
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    Not to bad at all for a shorter read, very well done. A few things tho.

    1. Spelling, i know it sux and it REALLY sux, but reread whatever you write or have someone else, because small spelling errors are a pain in the ass but they make it.


    ....and so on etc.

    2. Language, you were using great language for the most part, which really helps. For those who understand it brings respect, and for those who dont it brings awe . But when you do use good language, keep up with it, dont falter with lesser sayings from time to time.

    Great big shells coughed out of her weapon
    Not so good
    stiching great gouts of crossfire in the ground.
    Good :happy:

    3. Place Time And Characters, know what people would say in the positions they are in....i dont think this line is very becoming for a high ranking imperial

    "Eight enemy terminators?!?! Uhh..hold your position sister, I will notifiy the Inquisitor."
    4. Spacing, its usually good to put spaces between happenings, quotes, and paragraphs. It just kinda makes it seem a little more readable.

    5. Details, you did great on details but there could always be more, reading is about painting a visual and the more details u have the more paints u have and the better the picture will come out.

    Overall good job and a good read, hope i wasnt to brutal
    Currently working on I.Repent, Part one of the Lost Astartes Story
    If anyone is interested let me know and i will share some unfinished product :)
    Also have a codex, and miniatures in the works

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