Mark Of Malal - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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Thread: Mark Of Malal

  1. #1
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    It's a new story I wrote. Actually not 100% complete, but I have mixed feelings on how it came out, and would like to know what do you think about it before I attempt to continue it.


    Mark of Malal

    Chapter One: Gathering storm

    The Warp. Source of many myths and legends, all equally composed of lies and truths. Realm of raw, unharnessed psychic energy. Eternally changing, home of many ghosts and spirits. Home of daemons and gods.

    Now within it something stirs. A being of great power awakens. Aeons ago it was one of the Pantheon of Chaos. Now it is an outcast, exhausted by its eternal war against the four others. The power that unites and tears alliances apart. God of Balance. God of Chaos turned upon itself. MALAL.

    Long millenia passed since it was almost defeated by the Four Powers united in the cause of its destruction. Yet a tiniest part of his essence survived and gathered power once more, unnoticed by the Ruinous Powers so far...

    Now it has awakened, thirsting for vengeance...


    Chapter two: A soul forever damned

    The resurrected god is still too weak to face the Powers of Chaos on his own. Yet he can fight a war from the shadows, striking at vital points, altering the course of events to suit his needs. For this purpose he must find a champion. An avatar of his power....

    Limited, but a God none less, Malal searches the universe for a being suited for his needs. Unsatisfied with those found in the Eye of Terror, the Segmentum, then the galaxy, he turns to search other universes. One of them must be home of a creature that can be used in the god's plan...

    Long, ethereal hands reach through time and space, looking, searching... finding a being to pact with.

    The daemon has once been close to godhood in his own universe. However, defeated by united powers of his rivals, he was forced into service of one of them. Millenia ago, he was bound to a human being to hunt others of its foul kind... To become something that was a daemon no longer... to become an avenger... a dark knight of justice... evil turned upon itself... Then he was cast out again.

    Now the creature has been offered a pact. A pact where he will be given greater power and an entire universe to bring his burning vengeance to. Unsurprisingly, he accepts it without second thought...

    Now that the god has found part of what he needs, he searches for a second element... a vessel for the daemon, a tool...

    The tool has also been found. A steed, one perfect for who will be a knight in times when knights are no more. Imbued with the god's power and embellished with his symbol, the machine becomes far superior to others of its kind... a vessel for the daemon...

    Now the god seeks a Champion in the universe which for times untold has been the greatest battlefield between forces of Light and Darkness... Order and Disorder... Chaos and Justice...

    Yet a Champion must meet three requirements: hate his enemy... hate himself... hate his god...


    Chapter Three: Last man standing

    He dodged another missile, and another. He did it so many times that he lost count. His superhuman reflexes never failed him so far. But his confidence was going to be his greatest mistake now...

    Incoming was another missile. He dodged it as well... just to find himself barely meters away from another one. He could not avoid it this time, not at this speed...

    Antonius was jettisoned into the ground as his bike exploded into a fiery ball of flames, his helmet torn off his head by the impact. Then darkness took his senses and he knew no more.

    When he regained consciousness, the first thing that he noticed were bodies. Scores of dead bodies. Every one encased in powered armor, most bore black and white livery of Raven Knights Chapter. His Chapter.

    He noticed familiar faces amongst those who wore no helmets. Velius, Arlis and many others. His friends.

    He could not believe that they were dead. He shook the armor of Lucius as if in hope of awakening his friend. But that did not happen.

    Mindlessly he knelt on one leg and touched one of countless red puddles on the grounds. Puddles of blood.

    He hated. Hated the Traitors for their evil, hated himself for his failure, hated the Emperor for allowing such a disaster to happen. He roared, calling for revenge. Unknown to him, his call was heard and answered.

    Antonius looked onto his blood-spattered right hand, and decided that he could do only one. Follow the enemies and die fighting them, hoping only to take some of them with him.

    Shapes of the horde were still to be seen on the very edge of the horizon. Antonius looked around, and noticed a beautiful bike, laying in the mud on its side. Strangely, it looked completely new and completely undamaged. He could not comprehend, how it made its way into here, nor did he care about it. He knew it was a way in which he could reach his enemies and exact revenge upon them.

    He pulled the bike to an upright position, and mounted it. Then he noticed that the fuel intake cap was splattered with mud. He swiped it off with his right hand, uncovering a strange rune: stylised black and white skull, but bi-sected, one half being in negative colors to the other.

    He traced the shapes of the symbol, as if trying to comprehend its meaning. In the process, a drop of blood from his fingers touched the symbol.

    Suddenly, the rune began to glow with strong, unnatural light. Antonius tried to dismount the bike, but found his legs unable to move, as if frozen to the machine. He could only cover his face with his harms in vain attempt to protect himself from the brightness...


    Chapter Four: Burning vengeance

    The light exploded with a strength of a thousand suns. Both Antonius and the bike were engulfed in hellfire.

    When the flames went out, Antonius was no more.

    On the black bike stood a figure encased completely in black power armor, on his chest and shoulders were emblazoned the same skull-runes as the one on the bike's fuel cap. Where the being's head should be, there was a fleshless, gleaming skull wreathed in a mane of hellfire. In his right hand, he wielded a spiked chain burning with hellfire.

    Antonius was dead, and from his death an avenger was born.

    The being spoke, its voice loud and inhuman.

    "THE SOULS OF THE DEAD THIRST FOR VENGEANCE!"

    It turned it's head to where the smoke and the lights marking the Chaos horde's position could still be seen.

    "TODAY, VENGEANCE WILL BE SERVED!"



    TO BE CONTINUED!!!


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  3. #2
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    Does nobody like it?

  4. #3
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Not bad actually. A bit jumpy in places but overall not bad at all. I am also a fan of good old malal and he fits into the fluff of my marines too.

    I would like to see how it continues from their.

    It does get a little confusing when malal starts looking for his champion though. I like the whole dark avenger thing and he being bound to a daemon from another galaxy and all that but IMHO i thought the bike was a bit lame.

    Apart from that little thing i did like it. Wasn't there a comic book character who rode a harley and his head was a skull covered in fire.?
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  5. #4
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    Can you tell me what do you think is lame in the bike part, so I can fix it up?

    The daemon is not exactly from another galaxy... from another universe rather...

    Oh, and yes, there was a comic book character... guess what, one of my favourites...

  6. #5
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Yeah i thought as much. And its not the fact that the writting of the bike part is bad i just personnaly dont like the idea. He sounds a bit too much like the daemon rider of slannesh that was out a while ago.

    I mean its your story so its completly your choice. Its just when you were on about a steed i thought you meant some like tripped out star ship so he could travel the cosmos hating and slaughtering everyone.

    I mean ok the bike is superior to all other bikes but its still just a bike.

    Anyway its just my opinion. I still enjoyed the rest of it.

    (you can tell i&#39;ve never been a huge fan of bikes in 40K even though i love them in real life - Quite a paradox really)
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  7. #6
    A very violent persona Apotheosis's Avatar
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    Why did the 4 Chaos Gods band together to destroy Malal in the first place???

    They actually worked TOGETHER?????
    "And whoever wants to be a creator in good and evil, must first be an annihilator and break values. Thus the highest evil belongs to the greatest goodness: but this is--being creative."

    ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

  8. #7
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    Well, the fact that Malal was running around, messing up their plans and generally spoiling all fun they had was enough to them to set aside their enemities for just as long as it was needed to kick his butt. That&#39;s what we call "Chaos Undivided" :lol:

  9. #8
    A very violent persona Apotheosis's Avatar
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    But Tzeentch is the one always messing up someone&#39;s plans. . . . . . .

    ARE you saying that Malal was more ingenious and manipulative than Tzeentch&#33;?&#33;?&#33;?&#33;? :blink:
    "And whoever wants to be a creator in good and evil, must first be an annihilator and break values. Thus the highest evil belongs to the greatest goodness: but this is--being creative."

    ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

  10. #9
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    Tzeentch is Tzeentch. Malal is generally a god who is enemy of all other Chaos Gods. IMO, that was a reason good enough, plus Malal&#39;s followers were killing and capturing followers of any Power who happened to be nearby...

  11. #10
    A very violent persona Apotheosis's Avatar
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    Tzeentch is still the mastermind behind everything. . . . and always will be.

    However, Antioch and I had a discussion, and we actually thought that everything in the 40k universe that is going on right now, with Chaos, Necrons, Eldar, etc, etc, is actually all just a big game, and Malal is the gamemaker.
    "And whoever wants to be a creator in good and evil, must first be an annihilator and break values. Thus the highest evil belongs to the greatest goodness: but this is--being creative."

    ~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

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