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Hello all! I have skimmed/read the first seven chapters of Rayo Azul's "Sudden Dearth". I should point out that this is my usual way of reading things. I skim it multiple times, then sit and read it carefully at the last. So I am not done reading, and I may have missed some points and details.
I really enjoy Rayo Azul's style of writing. It's very clear and purposeful. Too much fanfiction wanders aimlessly or is overly flowery to the point of distraction. Rayo avoids these traps and tells a good story in a bold way.
The action scenes are well written, they engage your imagination, causing you to picture the scenes as you read. And there is a lot of action
My criticism of the story lies in the character of Walters. I am uncertain exactly why I'm supposed to care what happens to him. He is, unremarkable ethically speaking. Granted, he is surrounded by corrupt commissars, inept generals, and chaos beasts, but that does not elevate him. Virtue does not grade on a curve. Somehow, Walters finds himself at the head of a rebel Imperial Guard army, and becomes a major player in local politics.
Walters has tremendous potential for character growth, because there is so much room for him to grow. He must go beyond justifying his actions through the war crimes of others, and aspire to some higher level, or he will never be anything more than thug.
I would like to see Walters begin to see his army as a responsibility, and not a privilige. I would like to see him care about his men, since presumably he holds grudges that his own superiors didn't give a damn about him. I would like to see Walters forced to sacrifice his men for the greater good, putting him in the dilemna those he judges were faced with and failed.
Berbachov, on the other hand, is developing(or devolving) quite nicely. His character is changing, transforming, and his relationship with Walters is being strained. Good job Rayo, this is the kind of character development I like
Anyway, this novel is complete though I haven't read it all yet, so I will just have to see how things unfold. Again, it's very well written, to the point that I am judging Walters as if he were real, and not brushing him off as some fictional character I can't be bothered with.
Good job Rayo! I know people will enjoy this story if they give it a chance! Don't fret so much for not getting responses, that seems to be relatively normal with fan fiction, from what I understand.
Thanks for both taking the time to review and all of your comments. Just because of you, I've posted Chapter 18 (Eleven more to go).
Not sure how far you've got, and without trying to spoil anything, Walters does evolve, just maybe not in the way you're thinking!
Thanks again for the comments and support. It's really appreciated.