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  1. #1
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Well if any of you ever read the Chaos Space Marine diary you'll know what im getting at.

    Heres just the first bit so everyone tell me what you think?

    Space Marines Diary: By Cadet Billy “Juggler? Morris

    Day 1


    Well, this is my diary. I decided to start this to keep a day to day recording of my thoughts and actions as I rise through the ranks of the Adeptus Astartes Chapter “The Righteous Penguins?. To be honest it’s not quite the glorious start I envisioned. I remember hearing that the “Penguins? were recruiting again so I decided to give it a go. I had heard about how hard the life of marine was and that it was near impossible to get past the first tests, but as a tyranid fleet was apparently nearing my planet I thought it best to be genetically engineered and get some descent armour not made out of plasticard before the local Imperial Guard Garrison began ‘recruiting’. To my surprise I passed all the initial tests easily, the first involving gathering several cheaply made plastic crystals in some kind of strange maze while a bold bloke played a harmonica then having to win a talent show by juggling charging plasma pistols. I was very surprised when I won the “Close Assault Idol? competition by singing a barber shop quartet on my own. Anyway I passed and they made me a marine.

    When I woke up this morning I was looking decidedly beefed up, I had gained a bit of height (about three foot) and when I spat after brushing my teeth the bloody sink dissolved which was the first of many drawbacks I would discover today. Everyone talks of the god like abilities of the marines but no one thinks about the practicalities. Firstly my old clothes would just not fit and even my flexi-waist jogging pants tore. With the upcoming tyranid invasion I’ll never be able to get into “Marksman & Spencer? to get some new ones.

    The first meal of the day was a simple one of a large steak and a protein shake. The shake was fine but as soon as I bit into the steak I had flashbacks of living in a field, eating grass and being molested by a rough looking farmer with a very large syringe for artificial insemination, it’s not quite what you want to see at ten in the morning. That’s another thing, I thought that marines got up before dawn and were already exercising and fighting before breakfast if they even got one. I voiced my query to a passing officer who surprised me with “Well as soon as you’re a marine you’re perfect at everything so why bother getting up early?. When I asked about the rumour that marines only got 15 minutes rest a day he said that it had been a misprint in the Codex and that it should have read ‘hours’ instead of minutes.

    Now to say I was shocked is a bit of an understatement but after a minutes reflection I decided this was a rather good thing. After breakfast we went to the shooting range where we were handed plastic boltguns without any form of ammunition. My training officer Murry (a blonde bloke with a liking of pink scarves) said that we had to visualise shooting the enemy before we would be allowed the real thing.

    After several hours shouting “Bang, hahahaha, your dead? and the fights that ensued when I visualised I was wearing terminator armour and thus unaffected by bolter rounds we had lunch. It consisted of chicken and potatoes. Strangely enough I discovered that a potato leads a rather more eventful life than a chicken.

    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

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  3. #2
    Cousin It Carnage's Avatar
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    heh, this is funny stuff

    never thought about the practicalities myself :lol:
    Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...by that time they'll be a mile away, and have no shoes

  4. #3
    Pathfinder Edicius's Avatar
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    XD the righteous penguins&#33; I love it.

  5. #4
    Senior Member The Real Leman Russ's Avatar
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    Follow me my oddly shaped birds&#33; for the emporer and his barber shop quartet&#33;
    Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause childen.

  6. #5
    Senior Member PrOtOcoN's Avatar
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    Great stuff...want to see more of this.

    I particularly like the cow flashback...hehehe :lol:

    Your fluffraping hurts my eyes. - TehDarkPredator

  7. #6
    LO Zealot Blood God's Avatar
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    Thats one really messed Chapter&#33;

  8. #7
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Cheers lads, i wasnt sure if i would carry on with it but i think i will.

    Expect to see more from Marine Morris and the Righteous Penguins later on today.
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  9. #8
    LO Zealot The Fifth Horseman's Avatar
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    Yeah&#33; More&#33;

  10. #9
    Pure Venom. Lordofchange's Avatar
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    I take it you have read soul drinker? Two things, with the flashbacks after eating flesh and the spitting acid bit happened there. But by all means, carry on, it&#39;s excellent&#33;
    The only difference between tattooed people and non-tattooed people is that tattooed people are awesome and can kick your ass.
    "War does not determine who is right - only who is left."

    RAMROD ONE

  11. #10
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Actually i havent read that im afraid.

    Anyway ill try and post more up soon.
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

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