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It has been 10 long years on this god forsaken planet, Battle after battle I have bled the enemies dry. now it is time for me to step up to a new challenge. No longer will i be the Emporers Champion. Now I will be the Emporers wrath. No longer will i wear the cerimonial robes of a Champion when praying. For Now I stand as a Chaplain. I trade in my Black Sword That has slain so many, for this a mighty Mastercraft Crozius. Soon I will go through the cerimony to finalize my new position. Now all I have is to wait for my summons.
Looking at my old armor I cannot help but think of all the battles, all the blood, all the glory I found in that armor.
Akratil fondly placed his hand on a dent on the brestplate just were his heart would have been. Many battles ago an Chaos Lord nearly took Akratils Life with his power weapon. Akratil purposly left that mark on his armor as a reminder how close to death he came. That same Lords skull hangs from his Bike to show his enemies on how ruthless the Blood Rite is.
Amongst his day dreaming he almost didnt hear the knock at the door to his personal quarters
"My Lord, It is time for the cerimony to start" came the husky voice of Grevin Ill Vec from the other side of the door.
"I will be there in a moment" Akratil responded as he put down his champion armor fondly and stood up. Theres no turning back, Now is the time to serve the emporer and bring new glory to the Blood Rite!
great start. its really good. i cant wait for the rest. keep it up.
Chapter 1 - The Cerimony
Akratil Walked through the halls of Champions looking at the painted murals of The Blood Rite slaying there enemies in bloody battles. Always standing above the enemies in glorious victory. Akratil wished that these murals were true and that like depicted in the pictures, most of the Bloodrite were intact after each battle. But in real life everyone knows that after each battle only a few are left standing. As Akratil made his way towards the main chamber were the cerimony was taking place, flashbacks of that visous battle invaded his mind. Akratil tried to push the memories deep within his mind. But still they came, with each step closer to the main chamber the memories assulted him harder and harder, until it took all his strenght to just lean up against one of the mural, strugling to look up. As his head came up he saw the picture of him battling the chaos lord. The memories renewed there assault with a new vigor. All Akratil could see was the glowing red eyes of that lord, everything else was blurred and distorted. Then all went quiet, Akratil grabbed his Mastercraft Crozius and looked around the hall way. But there was nobody else but him there. Straiting himself he put his weapon away and continued down the hall, pondering what took place. He wished he had more time to investigate the ocurance but the cerimony couldnt wait, but he swore once the cerimony was done, he would get to the bottom of it.
The Doors to Main Chamber were solid metal, but to Akratil they were as light as a feather. As he Pushed them open he could see that the main room was filled with the BloodRite army. All the soldiers were at attention in neat rows with there heads facing strait. Upon Akratil taking his first step all the BloodRite soldiers snapped their heads in unison towards there new Chaplain. A grin came to Akratils face as his pride was aparent upon looking at the army, his army. Akratil made his way forward and as he passed each row of BloodRite, the commander of the squad would bark out an order and the row would snap there heads forward in unison. Akratil walked up the main steps to the doors on the other side of the room. Pushing them open with the same ease as before. He stepped out into the courtyard of the fortress were all of the rest of the counsil and leaders of other allied armies seemed to have come to attend the service. In the right podiums stood Colonel El'Johnson who was the leader if the Cadian 666th a well known Impirial Guard army in the area, Next to him was Canoness Kitanna La'Forge who is the leader of a very renoun Sisters of Battle army called the Order of The Flaming Phoenix , also very reputed in the area for her and her armies valor in battle. In the Left podium stood Greven Il Vec who was just recently promoted to head council member and was responsible for any occurances in the area. By his side stood Marshall Lucian leader of another Templar faction in the area.
As Akratil walked to the centre of the courtyard he could hear the Templar soldiers marching in his shadow to stand at attention behind him. Im a booming voice Grevin Il Vec spoke.
"Akratil MaliKhan, you have stood victorious over many battles. You have represented the BloodRite Templar very well as the Emporers Champion. Now you wish to serve as a Chaplain in his rightous cause. What makes you think that you can do it? what makes you think that you can lead? Are you willing to spill your sweat and blood for them, are you willing to make decisions which will send may of them to there end in the name of the Emporer? Do you Akratil MaliKhan believe you deserve this?"
Akratil Stood there Looking at Grevin Il Vec with fury, how dare he question my abilities to lead.
"I Have Fought And Bled side by side with my fellow BloodRite, I hold All there lives in high regaurds and value each equally, Our Lives are ment to serve the Emporer and if Some of us fall in his name it will just make us stronger". Akratil turned so he faced the army befor him. " For each of you are my brothers. And I would put my life down to save any of you!" Akratil then stood strait up and turned to Grevin Il Vec. "And the way I see it Grevin, NOBODY *****S WITH MY FAMILY!"
The sound Of "BLOOD RITE, BLOOD RITE" could be heard as the whole army chanted it in unison. the sheer feeling of pride ran through Akratil. The smirk on the other leaders of the other armies were aparent. Greven Raised his hands and all was silent again. The look on Grevens face was vile when looking apon the upstart Akratil.
"Akratil, recite your aliegence!
Akratil Glared at Grevin as he recited his aliegence
"Now Akratil step forward and be recieved by those who have come to the cerimony."
The podiums decended and the 4 got out of them. First to come and shake Akratils hand was Colonel El'Johnson who nodded and then stood beside Akratil in a show of acceptance. Next was Canoness Kitanna La'Forge who shook Akratils hand and gave him a wink, she also stood at his side as an equal. Marshall Lucianwas next up and shook his hand feverently with a hug smile on his face. he to stood beside Akratil as an equal.
Greven then spoke. "Congradulations Chaplain Akratil MaliKhan, Lead the BloodRite to further honor!"
nice work it really sets the scene well.
although it would be better with him dealing the finishing blow in the battle from the prologue to show just how good a fighter he is.
but your the writer.
It would be far better if correct spelling and grammar could be used. Always write in Word, save it in Notepad, and then copy and paste from Notepad into the submission box. That way you dont get the formatting errors, and the benefit of a spellchecker thrown in as well.
"It fits like clothes made out of wasps!"
Thnx I guess, <_< smart ass! LOL anywho other then the spelling :unsure: what did you think
Thank you I guess, I write the story in my spare time at work. so chapter 2 probably isnt gonna come out until tommorow. Keep checkin for each chapter
i am checking for each chapter and i cant wait they are great.
well I needed a good start to get the ball rolling, I didnt want to have all parties involved be mashed together at the start. You will see all of your characters have a much larger part through out the remaining chapters.
I wouldnt mind some comments from the other parties involved, Ie Mel and Lucian. just so I know what they like and dislike.