Son of Iyanden - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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Thread: Son of Iyanden

  1. #1
    Senior Member Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon's Avatar
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    Son of Iyanden

    Hail, this is Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon reporting. I was talking to Lost Nemesis about his urge to write some fluff and in the attempt to inspire him I ended up inspiring myself! Anway, I ended up spouting this single page out in around 5-10 minutes, and I am only quasi-happy about it. I have a general plot scheme, so I can write more, but I figured I would run this first page by all of you to see how it goes. Comments expected, got that?

    ^_^

    So here it is, the first page, consider it a prologue:
    ____________________________________________
    ~Awaken son of Iyanden…you are needed…~

    I am needed…

    Through dark forests a seven-foot construct follows it’s yellow and blue clones. With sleek design and unearthly grace, they travel as if made of flesh.

    The clearing ends, a small clear river reflecting the starry night sky over a large hill in the distance. A hill, which is moving.

    Through shades of shifting gray they view the hill, it's outline blurred and stirring as if burning. The Wraithguard stand firm, guided by their Spiritseers.

    ~Ready your weapons.~

    I know this place…

    With mechanical precision, weapons of incomprehensible beauty rise in unison to draw upon the impossible hillside approaching them.

    A small humanoid steps out from the line of Wraithguard. With a corresponding colour scheme, he surveys the coming horde. With a crackle of energy, the entire riverside becomes barren.

    ~Hold for range.~

    It’s just like before…

    Through false eyes, the Wraithguard watch the hillside become more and more defined. What seemed to be grass blades moving at an impossible pace, now are obviously much more. Terrifying raptor like beasts, venom drooling from their jaws and covering the foot long bone claws from their forearms. Terrifying, for the living.

    A few second later, the Tyranids are within range of the Wraithcannons. Streams of energy not meant for this realm speed forward to snuff out the abhorrent life before the eternal guardians.

    ~Excellent, you serve your race as well as ever. I expected no less my brothers.~

    IT’S JUST LIKE BEFORE!
    _______________________
    Right now it seems to be running a very minimilistic style and I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. The next segment will be in first person I believe, which could resulty in a major, although appropriate, style shift. Then again, it may not, so who knows.

    I await your reports,

    Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon

    Sig by:Knape, The Celestial, and Marlinspike, thanks guys!

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  3. #2
    Son of LO Pierced53's Avatar
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    A little confusing. Was italics the text? (Sorry, it's early.) I think a good piece of fiction could become of this, but I think you may want to think a little more about how your audience will read it.

  4. #3
    LO's Shadow Captain Lost Nemesis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pierced53
    A little confusing. Was italics the text? (Sorry, it's early.) I think a good piece of fiction could become of this, but I think you may want to think a little more about how your audience will read it.
    The italics are meant to be kinda-sorta the Wraithguard's thoughts. The text surrounded by the ~~ is the psychic talk from a Spiritseer. ^_^

  5. #4
    Back in action! Lord Yossanrion's Avatar
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    I enjoyed very much. Particularly the passive voice, as if a Spirit Seer was talking to them inside thier heads. Kudos!

    ~ Yossanrion
    Anzac Clan!
    Final Fantasy!

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    Senior Member Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon's Avatar
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    Thank you all. LN is correct in that the text within ~~ is the Spiritseer and the italics are the inner thoughts of a Wraithguard. And yes, the Spiritseer is talking inside there heads, I'm glad you got it! ^_^ I'll try to get to work on teh next segment soon.
    Sig by:Knape, The Celestial, and Marlinspike, thanks guys!

  7. #6
    Senior Member dymew's Avatar
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    Good work. Only 1 part that irked me, you refered to the clothing of the spritseer as the same color scheme, surveying the horde. From what it sound like, he's using the color scheme tp survey the horde. Perhaps change it to something along the lines of:

    "A small shape, draped in yellow robes, steps out from amongst the wraithguard, his gaze sweeping over the vermin before him"

    or something like that
    Last edited by dymew; August 12th, 2005 at 20:34.
    Dreams give us a vision of a world unlike any we have seen. They present us with a glimpse of a better life; a goal to aspire to, and in the face of insurmountable odds, they provide us with the power to overcome, to live on, and to succeed where we would have otherwise failed.

  8. #7
    Senior Member Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon's Avatar
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    Hail, Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon reporting with the latest page of "Son of Iyanden." This was written in 10-15 minutes as well, so feel free to rip me a new one, I really should put more effort into this stuff. Anyway, more annoying, detail/insight lacking literature for your hopeful enjoyment. Here it is:
    ___________________________________________________________________________
    Charging through the river, a lone construct meets the broken horde head on.

    ~Hold.~

    The fireworks stop instantly as the remaining statues resume their immortal vigil.

    It’s just like before…I have to stop them…have to stop them…

    The lone warrior fights on against the screaming beasts despite his Seer’s orders. It’s limbs harder than the most dense bone, it’s body fueled by passion, controlled by a soul long departed from a body of flesh…

    ~Aid him brothers!~

    The river churns as nine Wraithguard follow their rogue member, moonlight glistening off the wraithbone that is their existence.

    You won’t hurt them, you won’t hurt anyone! You’re dead! You’re all DEAD!

    One vile monster jumps above the pack, slamming into the head of the Iyanden soldier. With unnatural flexibility he gains his balance, slamming his left foot into the gaunt, splattering it’s bio-mass on the now blood-slick grass. With arms flailing his brethren join him. With unerring silence, the ghosts of Iyanden work. Not a sound I uttered by a single one of them. The primal screams of dying Tyranid’s is the only sound wringing the hills tonight, carried by the gentle breeze.

    Just like before…won’t let…can’t let them…the craftworld…Ailya…sweet Ailya…

    Forming a circle on the assaulted bank, the Spirit Seer is guarded. Seeing the world through his charges eyes, it is a bleak vision. Wraithsight is not like normal sight. It is a view of the spiritworld through lenses unfit for the task; mere shades of the actual world, blurred and burning into nothingness. Blood and gore shines brightly as the very essence they carried evaporates.

    Turning inward, the original charger freezes. The Spirit Seer stops as well, staring at the deviant quizzically.

    ~What is it warrior? What is it that you see?~

    But the Seer can’t see what the Wraithguard sees. No one can. It’s only in his mind, not in his form. Who can know the workings of a spirit sealed? An immortal soul doomed to fight forevermore, the rest so longed for stolen away so that other’s may live their absurdly short lives compared to the eternal guardian.

    Who? What…I don’t understand…where am I? Where…
    __________________________________________________________

    There was a line I wanted to add, but I want to keep writing this the way I have been, one page at a time, whenever the inspiration hits me.
    One page, MSWord, standard size and font. I will not bend or break!

    Anyway, all comment wanted and demanded! Comment! RAWR! :lol:

    The sooner you comment, the sooner the next page comes. :p

    I await your reports,

    Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon
    Last edited by Shas'o Tau Dev'n Kauyon; August 14th, 2005 at 23:43.
    Sig by:Knape, The Celestial, and Marlinspike, thanks guys!

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