City Of Blood (IG Story, Ideas And Criticisms Please) - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
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    City Of Blood (IG Story, Ideas And Criticisms Please)

    Here is the first part of my IG story, ideas, criticisms and requests are welcomed .

    The storyline will be introduced next part, I am giving the feel for enviroment at the moment

    Enjoy.


    Part One: From Ranged Warfare To Close Combat

    Mortar gunner Freyer diverted his attention from the dark night sky and spat into the waterlogged trench, he grasped his laspistol in his right hand firmly. The World Eaters Chaos Space Marines and rebel guardsmen from the 9th Dabec Regiment had been attacking the loyalists for the past week virtually non-stop. The Imperial guardsmen were worn down and battered head to toe, plus now it looked like it was going to rain.

    “Yeah another fine day in Dabec city” Freyer thought to himself whilst he checked his las battery.

    He and his fellow mortar crewman Straugen were tired and exhausted from the non-stop bombardment of the enemy lines, they had only just been given a chance to stop after their hard nut Commissar, Bradvt, told them to preserve ammo. Although Freyer and Straugen would rather blow the hell out of the traitors they would not refuse a direct order, after all they did not want to be executed.

    Freyer was from the planet Tallarn, a rugged man of thirty and he had a rag tag look about him. He wore a headscarf like the traditional Tallarn soldiers wore during desert warfare and his clothes were tattered and grey, like most of the Imperial troops in the Dabec campaign.

    Straugen was different; he grew up on Catachan and was a fairly built man, late forties. He did not let people know too much about him as he felt it was irrelevant. He also had a headscarf, one that Freyer had given him after his best friend was ripped to shreds by Daemons a few months ago.

    They were Mortar crew 7, deployed behind the 4th Dabec Rifles and in front of the wreckage of Basilisk 691 which had only a few minutes ago been struck by a rebel Mortar shell.

    “Frigging traitors” grunted Freyer as he winced when another shell exploded to the left hand side of his trench, killing the few Cadians of platoon 9 who were huddled around a bleak fire trying to keep warm.

    Straugen un-slung his lasgun from his back and aimed over the trench. He glimpsed down the weapons sight and murmured “Looks like the rebels are ready for another push, the Rifles are pretty rigid and look nervous” he glared at one of the Cadians who was throwing up into his mess tin. “We might have to expend the last of this ammo drum” he indicated to a large metal box after he replaced the lasgun on the floor.

    “We only have 3 left after that, if the Rifles and armoured company are going for the push later we will be out of ammo” Freyer sighed grimly, he had used up his last las battery for his own lasgun and his pistol was only good if the combat was up close and personal. And close combat with a World Eater is not usually preferred to the average Imperial guardsman.

    Freyer glanced behind him as the wreckage of basilisk 691 blazed away; the corpses of her crew lay burning around the vehicle. Dead where they tried to flee and put themselves out. “Poor buggers” Freyer said gruffly.

    “They were scum anyway, I swear one of them stole my pocket watch yesterday” Straugen grunted.

    “Yeah, well you can get it back later then eh? Whoever it was will not be needing it any time soon”

    “True…I guess his time was up” Straugen put special emphasis on the word time and chuckled.

    Freyer shook his head at the lame attempt of a joke and returned his gaze to the basilisk before turning to face the Rifles. “Oh here we go, I hear a vehicle approaching”

    The vox commlink crackled to life and the voice of Commissar Bradvt was heard over the system “Mortar team 7 you have an enemy Rhino headed towards platoon 3’s and the Dabec 4ths position, I want it neutralised is that understood?”

    “Yes sir” Freyer acknowledged and nodded to Straugen in a silent way to say “Load the damn thing”

    Straugen marked the rhino at 20 degrees and wiped the mortars tube he then removed a round from the ammo drum and slid it into the mortar before covering his ears “20 degrees left, 2500 metres, FIRE” he yelled.

    Freyer clicked the automatic firing device in his left hand and the mortar sprang to life launching the shell at the oncoming Rhino.

    Soon as this happened the enemy lines opened up with their own salvo of mortars, which smashed around the Imperial lines sending men to their deaths and collapsing buildings with devastating effect.

    The Imperial shell however landed to the right of the rhino killing a few rebel guardsmen who must have been supporting it, but the rhino just tilted slightly and still drove on the corrupt tracks making a groaning metallic noise like a thousand souls screaming to escape.

    “****, again closing in now at 1500 yards, reload” Freyer urged quickly as Straugen reloaded the weapon.

    “FIRE” yelled Straugen as Freyer clicked the switch yet again.

    The mortar launched another explosive shell at the Rhino. This time it took a direct hit and the crew ****pit blew apart, bits of shrapnel from the vehicle sprayed the rebels who were nearby and several fell to the floor, one clutched his jugular gurgling as he drowned in his own blood. The ramp of the transport however lowered and out poured a squad of World Eater berserkers who immediately charged towards the 4th Rifles.

    The 4th Dabec Rifles opened up with their lasguns and few heavy weapons, killing a few rebels but none of the Marines.

    In a few seconds both sides engaged in melee combat and screams along with cries of agony filled the air. Straugen removed the sight from his rifle and watched the carnage from the trench.

    A Cadian with bayonet attached lunged at a chainaxe wielding traitor, who casually sidestepped left before decapitating the unfortunate soldier in a blood frenzy, a chilling noise penetrated Straugens ears as the World Eater cackled evilly. The beast then blasted his bolt pistol into another soldier before two more Cadians bayoneted him from behind, his armour finally giving way as he succumbed to the blades that cut him down.

    A rebel swung a crude looking knife at a missile launcher crewman and was received with a las round to the face from the other crewman. A wounded Cadian was howling on the floor clutching his guts whilst one of the madmen charged towards his victim raising a whirring chainsword for the killer blow. A loud shot deafened Straugen and when he next looked at the battle the traitor had begun to charge at his position!

    The source of this was that Freyer had picked up Straugens rifle and shot at the Marine. Freyer aimed another shot at the warrior, gently squeezing the trigger and the round impacted with the Marines armour, but was deflected.

    “Son of a...” Straugen bellowed and fell backwards as the Chaos Marine jumped into the trench. A loud explosion rocked one of the city buildings and a shell landed near the trench. Freyer dropped his firing device and drew out a notched bayonet then swung it at the traitors arm. Punching out the berserker sent Freyer flying into the mortar tube making him lose grip on his pistol. Straugen grabbed the rifle and aimed a blow at the beasts’ legs, which was taken from beneath him as he crumpled to the floor.

    Freyer stumbled to his feet and kicked the chainsword out of the traitors grasp then rammed his bayonet into the things torso. Ignoring the wound the Chaos Marine fired a short burst from his pistol into Freyers right leg and arm, his arm was torn off in an instant. This must have been the traitors last clip because no more bolts were in the chamber of the gun as he aimed a shot at Straugens head.

    Freyer painfully dragged himself to his pistol and fired at the World Eater until his battery emptied.

    Straugen then began to smash his rifle into the traitors helmet repeatedly and with a sickening crunch the Marines head caved and blood soaked the rifle butt. This seemed to make Straugen finally believe the Warrior was dead.

    Freyer groaned on the floor clutching the stump of his left arm. The battlefield fell silent for a few seconds and then the screams of wounded and dying men filled the air. Buildings lay in ruins and fires blared away letting thick smoke pollute the air.

    Straugen watched four men of the Dabec 4th gun down a fleeing rebel of the 9th Regiment. A few others were sweeping the trenches killing all wounded traitors and calling out for medics for their comrades. At last the brief skirmish was over.

    After a short while Straugen collapsed to the ground next to Freyer a thick load of mud spattered his already dirty trousers. “When you are going to divert a big bastard like him to us next time, a warning would be nice” he said out of breath.

    Freyer let out a short dull laugh and rolled into a puddle in the trench “Sure, but right now I could do with a medic”.

    Last edited by Fleish; October 1st, 2005 at 14:03.

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  3. #2
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    Next installment.



    Part Two: Casualty Of War

    A day on from Freyers and Straugens incident, Freyer sat in a crumbling old tank factory mumbling curses and wincing as veteran Medic Johanson sat picking bolts out of his leg with a blunt knife.

    “Trust my luck, I get shot in the leg and arm and all I get for help is a blunt knife and a Medic with shell shock� he muttered to himself amid the stabbing sensation in his leg. Freyer wondered what Straugen was doing with recruit Thompson, he laughed to himself at the thought of Straugens quick temper. But Freyer was sadly brought back to reality by a new pain in his arm.

    “All done in the leg Julian, just gotta get yer arm fixed up an metallic like� Johanson chuckled, a mortar round went off and Johanson ducked digging the knife deep into the stump of Freyers arm. Freyer grunted in agony and stared around the factory taking in the environment of death and disease.

    “Not that frigging switch you idiot!� Straugen bellowed and smacked Thompson around the head with the back of his hand as a mortar round was sent flying at the enemy lines, it exploded on what looked like an enemy bunker. Soon after a reply was made from the enemy side of Dabec and Straugen pushed Thompson into the trench.

    All around the Imperial lines shells exploded, Lemen Russ 241 exploded in a fireball that engulfed the crew who were desperately trying to take cover, shrieks of anguish erupted and a few nearby soldiers rushed to help the burning crewmen. One stumbled out of the wreckage clutching his ruined face as flames licked his clothes; he soon crumpled to the floor twitching slightly.

    After a few minutes the explosions stopped and all was silent in the city again, except for a few creaks from some buildings that were recently struck by the shells.

    Straugen kicked Thompson in the ribs sharply “Get up you fool� he snarled “It does not take a genius to understand left from right, I said the LEFT switch, the one that is on the LEFT side is the one that does the temperature reading, thank the emperor it was not over heated otherwise we would be sitting by the emperor himself�

    “Sorry sir…I…I thought you said red switch� Thompson grumbled, he had never used a mortar before and Straugen had a vicious temper when angered which did not help matters.

    Resisting the temptation to give Thompson another smack Straugen ordered him to scout around for las batterys while he visited Freyer.

    As Straugen approached the tank factory he noticed his commanding officer Commissar Bradvt on the vox comm to someone who must have been high authority, Straugen stopped for a while to eavesdrop.

    “No sir, we cannot break through the city the traitors have a strong perimeter in their part of the city and now you say we have Xenos Tau approaching from behind. Well what do you expect us to do?�

    A voice on the comm was cut out by interference as it crackled but Bradvt could still be heard.

    “An artefact sir? In Dabec? But we have no men to spare. We need more men. No sir we do not need them. I meant more Imperial regime…very well sir I will do what I can� Bradvt finished his convocation and slammed the vox back onto trooper Wellers pack.

    The Commissar glanced around annoyed looking for something to take his mind of things and noticed Straugen, who diverted his attention and began walking to the wrecked tank factory.

    Freyer was leaning against one of the walls next to a dead Cadian with a slash covering half his face and no leg; he lay in a pool of his own blood so clearly he had not seen a medic.

    Straugen studied Freyers new appearance, he had a metallic arm and his leg was bandaged up. Plus he had to use his lasgun as a walking stick to walk any amount of distance.

    “Doc says I will be up and running in a few days, said the bolts missed the bone in my leg� Freyer rubbed his throbbing leg “That your mortar round that went off earlier?�

    Straugens face said it all, he looked grim and went all rigid “Yeah, that kid Thompson doesn’t know what the hell he is doing, no sense whatsoever and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his stupidity cost him the lives of three tank crewmen�

    “That bad huh?� Freyer shuffled where he was leant, the stench of the corpse next to him made him want to be sick “Doc thought it was an incoming missile, dug the blunt blade deep into the stump of my arm without warning when he dived for cover�

    “Mm he still here? I thought Bradvt would of got rid of him by now� Straugen glared at the dead Cadian “Didn’t get much help did he…�

    “Doc says he is only helping those who will live, the rest are as good as dead anyway� Freyer looked around the tank factory at the many wounded inside, there had to be at least 160 men in there, half were dead though “I will be out of here in a few days, then you can get Thompson out of your hair�

    “Here Julian, I heard Bradvt on the comm earlier talking about some artefact…whoever it was on the vox seems keen for it� Straugen whispered.

    Freyer looked at his old friend “I see some excitement in you…. you are not thinking of volunteering to find this artefact if Bradvt asks anyone…are you?�

    Straugen shuffled his feet and did not meet Freyers eye “I’m fed up of mortars Julian, I want to do something else, be part of a squad, see battle from up front and not the occasional straggler at our position� he turned to face Freyer “Plus its making me deaf� he grinned.

    Freyer saw no need in arguing with him, if his mind was made up then it was not going to change “Ok if that’s what you want, but I will volunteer with you, can’t think you are going into some hellhole without me eh?� Freyer sat up now and raised his metallic arm to Straugen who grasped it.

    “Ok then that’s how its gonna be� Straugen smirked “Bradvt also said something about Tau coming up from behind Dabec�

    Freyer groaned, he hated the Tau ever since the Eye Of Terror campaign. Thinking he was going to be fighting rebel guardsmen he encountered Tau in the Sentinel region, one nearly took his head off with a Pulse Blast.

    Suddenly the factory main door burst open and in came a burly looking Sergeant out of breath, he glanced around quickly around at the wounded men and spotted Straugen before sprinting over.

    “Commissar wants to see you right away� the Sergeant stuttered and left as quick as he came darting in and out of the wounded men.

    Freyer shrugged at Straugen and watched him walk out of the derelict building without saying a word.

    Commissar Bradvt was a man of about 60 a veteran of Armageddon and other countless battles. He had a peaked hat and some gold teeth to match the eagle on it; a dark black cloak was draped around him and an old custom-made bolt pistol was holstered at his side.

    Bradvt glared as Straugen approached and saluted him.

    “Is this yours?� the Commissar asked coldly as two soldiers dragged a third to him.

    It was Thompson, blood dribbled from his mouth and his eyes stared into nothingness a rusty dagger was lodged in his neck and a few las battery’s were clutched in his cold hands, many gashes were in his face and torso.

    “They found him in no mans land, I thought he was meant to be with you?� Bradvt asked sharply.

    “He was sir, I sent him to collect las battery’s� Straugen said truthfully looking at the surprised expression on Thompson’s face.

    “Oh? Well in that case I suppose it was all right for him to get taken by those traitor Raptors is it? He was meant to be with you always, he was young, reckless and learning the ways of war that YOU were meant to teach him� Bradvt snarled.

    “But sir I…� Straugen began to explain but was cut short.

    “Silence, as it is I have something that needs doing which you can make up for this, and it is going to mean you and your wounded friend up there� the Commissar indicated to the factory “Are going to have to leave your precious mortar behind and join a squad led by Captain Herud, on a very dangerous mission for me�

    Straugen wanted to praise the Commissar but thought better of it “Finally some action� he thought although he did not know he was volunteering them for the death of Thompson or because they were two of the few that got along with Captain Herud.

    “Grab your gear from supply, find someone to use your mortar and come back to me private, I will have to round up some other men for this mission so you three will not be alone, now go� Commissar Bradvt ordered as Straugen saluted and turned heel and walked to supply without turning to argue.

    “Weller, Bates…. dispose of this casualty of war� Bradvt muttered pointing to Thompson’s corpse “I could do without fly’s near my uniform when they come to feast on the dead�

  4. #3
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    Third part. (On a spaceship orbiting the planet)

    Part 3: Ship To Ship

    “Get Down!� Haze dived to the floor followed by the few members of his squad as Pulse Beams were fired at them from a small group of Tau Fire warrior’s who were desperately trying to defend their beloved ship. Haze quickly turned his head behind him to see what the aliens had hit. He was just in time to see Private Birkan crash to the floor with a bloody crater in his face, what was left of his brains was seeping onto the ships deck, he clearly did not dive quick enough.

    “Son of a *****.� Haze grunted and flicked the pin out of a frag grenade and threw it down the corridor to where the Tau warrior’s had set up a defensive position. Covering his ears he heard a dull thump before a deafening bang erupted, two of the Fire warriors were blown apart in the fiasco but the one who was further away was scorched and twitching on the floor.

    “Come on lets move!� Haze ordered as the squad stumbled to their feet and raised their weapons. Moving carefully down the corridor Haze kicked the smoking Fire warrior, he then placed a single shot from his laspistol into its head which caved in causing the dark blue blood to spatter onto his boots and trousers.

    Haze shuddered; he was a Corporal in the Elysian Expeditionary Force sent on a sabotage mission on a Tau Protector class cruiser that was on way to the Taro’s campaign, they boarded the Tau ship near Isten where the planet was under attack from Chaos and Tau forces, none knew why. Haze’s commanding officers on board the Tau vessel were dead and he had to take command of the squad, which had gone down from twenty to seven. They were also cut off from the other Squads on board the ship and matters were getting from bad to worse. The engineering deck was quiet at the start of the mission but things began to heat up.

    Captain Daren had met a gruesome end when they passed through the fighter bays; he had cleared out an airlock where two Tau mechanics were taking pot shots at them. When he went in to check if they were both dead one of them had hit a close doors, low gravity and vent air button. The Tau was immediately was dispatched by Daren but the squad was unable to open the doors in time. As Daren started to float in the low gravity the skin on Daren’s face grew tight around his face as he began to suffocate as the air left the chamber, his eyes started popping out of his head. Daren opened his mouth and shot himself rather than die slowly, the blood floated around his corpse in an eerie fashion. When the airlock shut off the Captains body hit the floor leaving an untidy mess of gore, not a good way to die.

    From that point on the squad was cut down, Private Jenkins and Sanders were ripped to shreds by Kroot warriors who had ambushed them just past the Medical bay. Sergeant Nichols was crushed by a piece of falling roof when a missile hit the ship was all but a few of the horrors in store for them.

    It turned out the Missile that caused Nichols death came from a Chaos battle cruiser directly above the planet Isten, it had been sending troops down into the city of Dabec. The Tau cruiser must have been cut off from their main fleet and now it seemed that the Chaos had found out that a new enemy had joined the fray. Haze wondered if the loyalist cruiser he came from was still intact and if he had a home to go to.

    Haze came back to reality and he plus the squad made their way down the corridor stepping over the debris that surrounded them. Corpses of Tau and rubble seemed endless yet they managed to reach main engineering doors intact.

    “Haze� Drop troop Nikolai murmured “Squad of Fire warriors ahead near the doors, they have not seen us� Haze looked at Nikolai and then to the doors, Nikolai was right of course, he had the keenest eyesight in the team. Haze motioned the squad to take cover behind the rubble and waited for a while. One of the Tau broke off from the Fire warriors and Haze placed a well-aimed shot into its forehead, the force of the shot took the back of the aliens’ head off, the rest of the Imperial squad began to fire and killed another one. The four other warriors took cover by some rubble near the door and began shooting back at the Elysian’s.

    “We do not have time for this� spat Mikhail, who tugged the pin out of a grenade and lobbed it at the Fire warriors. One of them picked it up in an attempt to throw it back, but was engulfed by the explosion, as were two others. Mikhail who was grinning was hit in the face by shrapnel; the force of it broke his nose and the blood dripped down his face.

    Nikolai threw his combat knife at the remaining Tau warrior and it went directly into its torso, the alien let out a sharp shriek and fell to the floor lifeless.

    Haze shook his head (“Nikolai always one to show off� he thought) and approached the door closely followed by Mikhail who was now clutching his ruined nose.

    “Not as I planned� Mikhail moaned nursing his face “And the frigging door is locked�

    “No problem� Haze replied amid Mikhail’s moans “Flint, still have your demo charges?�

    The soldier known as Flint nodded and sprinted to the door, after a few minutes of fiddling with the explosives the Elysian’s backed away from the door and took cover behind some rubble once more.

    Mikhail sat upon the corpse of a Fire warrior (To his satisfaction).

    “This part of the ship is going to be heavily guarded so get ready� Haze stared at each of the squad in turn and then leant on Mikhail who had managed to stop his nose from bleeding “Comfy Mik? Ok, lets do this�

    “Three, Two, One� Flint whispered before he clicked the detonation button. The doors were blown off and bits of door and wall showered the squad. The smoke cleared steadily and revealed a giant hole where the doors used to be.

    “Ok let’s move!� Haze ordered getting to his feet and aiming his weapon, it was going to be a long day..

  5. #4
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    I really like this so far, haven't read part three yet but I will get there, great work!

  6. #5
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    very good when are you going to post the other parts?

  7. #6
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    I love it, but I have one problem with the first installment when the rhino is approacing...it's at 2500 meters (2 and a half Kilometers) one second and then in the time it takes to fire it manages to move 1000 meters...it would have to be going pretty damn fast to do that I think:yes:

    But still, I love it...Keep it up.

  8. #7
    Back in action! Lord Yossanrion's Avatar
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    Really good... a few points though.

    CSM, Traitors AND Tau on the same planet?
    CSM head caved in by a Lasgun?

    Apart from that... GREAT WORK!
    Anzac Clan!
    Final Fantasy!

  9. #8
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    Well narrated. The words really do capture the essence of the roughshod Imperial Guard. However, you should use commas in the dialogue more often. For example instead of:

    "Come" he said "look at this."

    I would suggest you say:

    "Come," he said, "look at this."

    Otherwise, it is quite well structured, with only a few spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. In other words, well done!

    *Bling!* ^_^

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