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Where should I turn my head
Beyond the World of the Dead
The Dark mistress I shall wed
Embrace death as my God
Drink deeply, her sweet blood
Let it run through me like a flood
Let the pains of life leave me
The serenity of death free me
Let life in death wake me
Bring me closer to the beast
May I sit with you at the feast
In your shadows at the very least
I am your everserving slave
Eternally bond beyond the grave
I thank you for the bloodied kiss you gave
""What's the matter? Don't ya like clowns? Don't we make ya laugh?" - Captain Spaulding.
Good form - you've got a consistent rhyme scheme with triplets all around and all that jazz that good poetry is supposedly made of. The only criticism I can think of is the third stanza where you use the word "me" too many times. It's not a bad stanza but perhaps you could try and mix up the words a little? Surely there's gotta be something that rhymes with "me" that you could use. As for theme, tone, etc, it's also good and consistent. Danceman - purveyor of VC literature :tongue:
Overall, good work.
Hmm the 'me' stanza isn't one of the most orignal ones, but that stanza is one of the most important throughout. Better leave that in, or consider some new rhymes that come as close to this stanza now.
About the last sentence, if I say it out loud, you could perhaps add a comma between 'kiss' and 'you'. It might sound just right, or not.