Reclaimin Krieg Colonies - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
    Member Wilhelm_III's Avatar
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    Yarren von Schrover climed the trench latter as whistles blew all around him. The men behind him were shuvving to get up. You would think they wouldn't be eager to go over the top thought Yarren. As this thout passed through his mind Yarren saw a commisar to his right yelling at every one to "get a move on". Finally he reach the top and began to run as fast as he could, Autogun lowered. About halfway through no-mans land Yarren tripped on the arm of a dead Krieger and fell into a shell crater. Then the machine guns in the heritic lines opened up. Takeing this as a sighn from the Emperor, Yarren offered up a pryer of thanks. Once the Heritics stopped firering and Yarren heard his comrades chargeing again he leaped out of hisshell crater and bounded towards the enemy-held trench. Once he rwached the trench lip Yarren went through a hole in the enemy wire and jumped feet-first into the trench firing and closed his eyes. When he landed ond opened his eyes Yarren noticed to his releif that no one was there. Suddenly he heard shuffeling of feet on the other side of a trnch wall. Deciding to be safe rather than sorry he lopped a grenade over the wall of dirt. He was rewarded with am explosion followed by an inhuman shriek. Taking advantage of this Yarren quickly rushed around the corner of the wall, autogun blazing. This time there were people here. If "people" is what they shouldbe called. They looked more like a mass of rotting flesh that was animated somehow. Fortuanatly he cought them off-guard andcut two of them down immiteatly. Then, as he aimed for the third on of the bunch his gunn click harmlessly. "Oh *****," said Yarren fearfully, knowing what comes next. Then it's head exploded. As the last one started to turn to see what happened a shot rang out and it's head suffered the same fat as the last one's. When the cultists body hit the ground the commisar Yarren saw before was standing there holding a bolt pistole. "Well?" asked the commisar expectently. "What are you waiting for, get a move on! Heritics don't kill themselfs you know! Well, most of the time they don't." Sayed the comissar running down the trench. Stunnned, Yarren took a few moments to realize what happened. Finally he snapped out of it and dropped his old clip and slid in a new one. After a second he went doen the trench to the left.

    ____________________________________________________________________
    What do you think? Please tell me, I would like to know your collective opinions. As ;ong as their not childish like "you sick" and nothing else. Or just saying "it's cool" I would like to know what you liked or disliked about it.


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  3. #2
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    I did have a problem with the mispelling of a lot of the words. It made the reading of this fic harder, but all in all the story line has potential keep at it.
    Here goes...


    Yarren von Schrover climbed the trench ladder as whistles blew all around him.
    The men behind him were shoving to get up. You would think they wouldn't be so eager to go over the top thought Yarren. As this thought passed through his mind Yarren saw a commissar to his right yelling at every one to "get a move on".

    Finally he reached the top and began to run as fast as he could, Autogun lowered. About halfway through no-mans land Yarren tripped on the arm of a dead Krieger and fell into a shell crater.
    Then the machine guns in the heretic lines opened up. Taking this as a sign from the Emperor, Yarren offered up a prayer of thanks. Once the Heretics stopped firing and Yarren heard his comrades charging again he leaped out of the shell crater and bounded towards the enemy-held trench.

    Once he reached the trench lip Yarren went through a hole in the enemy wire and jumped feet-first into the trench firing and closed his eyes. When he landed and opened his eyes Yarren noticed to his relief that no one was there.

    I liked this one specially

    Suddenly he heard shuffling of feet on the other side of a trench wall. Deciding to be safe rather than sorry he lopped a grenade over the wall of dirt. He was rewarded with am explosion followed by an inhuman shriek. Taking advantage of this Yarren quickly rushed around the corner of the wall, autogun blazing. This time there were people here. If “people� was the correct term. They looked more like a mass of rotting flesh that were animated somehow. Fortunately he caught them off-guard and cut two of them down immediately. Then, as he aimed for the third one of the bunch his gun clicked empty.

    "Oh *****," said Yarren fearfully, knowing what comes next.

    Then it's head exploded. As the last one started to turn to see what happened a shot rang out and it's head suffered the same fate as the last one's. When the cultist’s body hit the ground the commissar Yarren saw beforehand was standing there holding a bolt pistol. "Well?" asked the commissar expectantly. "What are you waiting for, get a move on! Heretics don't kill themselves you know! Well, most of the time they don't." Said the commissar running down the trench.

    Stunned, Yarren took a few moments to realize what happened. Finally he snapped out of it and dropped his old clip and slid in a new one. After a second he went down the trench to the left.
    Whoso would be a man must be a non conformist
    People should be taught what is, not what should be.

  4. #3
    Member Wilhelm_III's Avatar
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    Thanks, that was my faverate too. As for the spelling, I couldn't check it because I typed right into the wbsite add topic page... and I came up with it on the fly...

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