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They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give of themselves to me. Like clay I shall mould them, and in the furnace of war forge them. They will be of iron will and steely muscle. In great armour shall I clad them and with the mightiest guns will they be armed. They will be untouched by plague or disease, no sickness will blight them. They will have tactics, strategies and machines so that no foe can best them in battle. They are my bulwark against the Terror. They are the Defenders of Humanity. They are my Space Marines and they shall know no fear.
~The Emperor of Mankind, on the Creation of the Space Marines
Dawn. The sun peeked over a bloody, shattered horizon. The planet of Isdoa IV had been ravaged during the ongoing conflict between a legion of traitor marines. These heretics from the Eye of Terror had taken the lightly defended world completely by surprise. The 412 Cadian, supported by a small detachment of Astartes of the Imperial Fists, had been sent as a counter-invasion to take back the planet. However, the Imperium's commanders seriously misjudged the size of the heretic forces. Now, the Cadians and Marines are fighting not to take the planet, but simply to survive.
Sergeant Fauldis gathered the remaining men in his squad together. The nervous Guardsmen’s eyes roved from ruined building to ruined building. They had fought hard all through the night to reach the extraction point. The last orders they had received before their vox-caster had been destroyed in an ambush by Chaos marines had been to get to the extraction point by sunrise. They were only about ten blocks away, but there could be any number of traitor marines in wait for them. They had to move soon, or be left behind on Isdoa. The sergeant motioned to his ragged squad, and they readied their lasguns and moved down the shattered street to the next war-torn shell of a building. They continued to cautiously make their way down the road. There was no sign of movement. Everything was still. A slight breeze fluttered the tattered remains of an Imperial banner affixed to one of the buildings.
Suddenly, a hail of explosive bolter shells ripped through the squad's heavy bolter operator, blowing huge holes in the man's torso. The other Guardsmen ran for cover. Another soldier was cut down as he sprinted for the cover of a blackened, crushed Rhino transport. The Cadians could see the Chaos marines now. The huge, monstrous behemoths advanced on the hopeless squad's position. The sergeant offered a prayer for deliverance to the Emperor. One of the power-armored marines uttered a low, grating laugh. "Your corpse-emperor cannot aid you now. Your skull will be added to the millions on the Blood God's throne. Khorne will be pleased this bloody day." The Guardsmen huddled in overwhelming fear. The lead traitor marine, his armor gruesomely adorned with trophies of his fallen adversaries, raised his screaming chainaxe and, with a cry that sent tremors through the Cadians, charged headlong for the doomed soldiers. The squad retained enough self-control to fire their lasguns at the marines, but their fire was scattered and ineffective. The raging marine lifted his axe to cut the unfortunate sergeant into pieces. As the stroke descended, the heretic's head exploded.
"For the Emperor!" The earth-shattering battlecry burst forth from the throats of a group of yellow power-armored Imperial Fists. "By His light, we are saved," gasped the spared sergeant. The loyalist marines poured bolter fire into the surprised Chaos marines. The small group of heretics was quickly mowed down by the mass fire of the Imperial Fist squad. The Astartes leader towered over the Guard sergeant. "Head for the transports. We will hold against these Chaos scum." The booming voice of the armored giant seemed to inspire the Cadians, and they took off for the extraction point. Another of the hulking marines motioned to his leader. "The auspex shows multiple hostiles approaching."
The marine sergeant spoke. "Our forces must escape this planet. We cannot hope to win against the massed traitor filth here, but we do not have to. We must simply hold this area until the forces of the Imperium are safely away. We must not fail! Will you give your lives for your Emperor? Are you not space marines? Are you not the chosen of the Emperor, his loyal servants unto death?" The other marines' faces hardened behind their helmet visors. They would hold. They were Space Marines, the Emperor's finest warriors, indeed the best warriors ever known. A massed shout roared from their helmet grilles. "By His will!"
The marines quickly took up defensive positions amid the rubble. They could hear the tramp of ancient power-armor boots approaching. As the Chaos forces drew closer, the veteran sergeant spoke one last time. "Our hour draws nigh! Make the Emperor and Rogal Dorn himself proud! Primarch, Progenitor - To your glory, and the glory of Him on Earth!" With these last words, the Chaos marines came into sight and met the heroic Imperial Fists with a storm of explosive bolter shells. As the marines exchanged fire, heretic and loyalist alike fell, one by one. The first of a string of spacecraft packed full of surviving Cadians took to the sky. Soon, the veteran sergeant was the only one left standing, a lone rock against a tidal wave of chaos. He triggered the activation rune of his chainsword and charged forth to meet his doom. None of the Imperial Fists sent to Isdoa ever returned, but every last living Cadian and Imperial citizen made it out alive. That bloody day, the Veteran Squad Contemno of the Imperial Fists Fifth Company passed into legend.
What do you think?
Last edited by Rimciv; November 19th, 2006 at 22:29.
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Solid Victory vs Eldar
Hey there... ; ) There are a few things you could do to make it read a bit snappier.
For dialogue, a new sentence should be used, instead of having the dialogue mixed in.
Hmm, this bit,
The marine sergeant spoke. "Our forces must escape this planet.
You could wipe the marine sergeant spoke, as its not needed, and simply have the dialogue, finished with, said the sergeant. Less words I hear is usually better ; )
Generally, never use suddenely... I hear its very bad!!! I used to use it, but have managed to create the scene a little better describing the sudden action, instead of saying, suddenely... if you see what I mean!
Anyhow, I like your descriptions and pace. Keep up the writing ; )