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Sci-fi prologue I wrote during english class. Please read it, and give it some good harsh critisism...
Dark Pawns Prologue by ~TehDarkPredator on deviantART
Nice makes you want to know what the Ear found... very cool.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOK AT MY BLOG!
Rep people if they help you!!!
You did specify 'harsh' criticisms and I once taught high school English. Sooooo
After having only read several paragraphs I want to advise you to bone-up on pronouns and perhaps get your hands on a thesaurus.
"She went because she thought that she would like it if she saw. . ."
Okay, those aren't your words verbatim, but you get the idea.
You build your story well, though. With few words you establish the settiing, introduce the main character, and present the reader with just enough of the storyline (including introducing something 'new' that enters tension to the situation) to keep them turning pages.
By the way, I wish that my students had been involved in such enterprises during class. From what you've shown here, you would have made a creative contribution to any one of my senior English classes!
Thanks. Guess I'd check on my english skills. Glad you all liked the storyline and such.