US WD 326: Worst. 40K Battle Report. Ever. - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
    I am a free man! number6's Avatar
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    US WD 326: Worst. 40K Battle Report. Ever.

    We all know that when a new army is released and highlighted in White Dwarf -- regardless of game system -- that army will be victorious in the issue's battle report. I don't have too much of a problem with that. Up to now, I thought that, perhaps, numerous games were played until one that was both satisfying to describe and had the "desired" outcome was played. That is, the game itself wasn't "rigged", we're just seeing what GW wants us to see. Big deal.

    Boy, do I feel naive.

    In the most recent WD, where the Dark Angels "make their triumphant return" :rolleyes:, the battle they have against the Tau is so obviously rigged in their favor as to make me downright angry.

    For starters, the mission is an Alpha-level Take and Hold! Victory conditions purely set upon number of scoring units near the center of table. This couldn't possibly be a huge benefit to an army that can double the number of scoring units it has whenever it wants, could it? Especially an army that is exceedingly mobile....

    To make matters worse, they play a relatively big game, too: 2000 pts, further increasing the scoring unit advantage to the Dark Angels. (This despite the fact that Owen blows almost 1/3 of his points on just 7 models. :rolleyes

    And the choice of opponent, Tau, is tellling, too. The Tau have two basic strengths: speed/mobility and firepower. Well, the DA are -- or can be -- very nearly as fast and mobile as the Tau. So to make sure that the DA were more mobile, they loaded up on Ravenwing units while making the Tau player field a static army list with kroot hindered by krootox (no hounds?!) and blocks of unmounted fire warriors!

    Oh, wait, there was one unit of fire warriors in a Devilfish, wasn't there? Except that they were given pulse carbines to help ensure that even if Andy tried to pull any Fish of Fury, it'd be useless. Carbines? Against marines? Come on. Like they are ever going to be pinned.

    No army (that is not Eldar or Dark Eldar) should be able to outmaneuver a supposedly "experienced" Tau player. Full stop. So, there went one of the Tau's key advantages.

    But what about firepower? The batrep intro talked up Tau technology, Owen (the DA player) talked up Tau technology, and Andy (the "experienced" Tau player) talked up Tau technology. So why didn't we see it? Because, apparently, Andy was limited to the options available in the studio army ("the weapon fits were dictated to me by the studio collection"). so he gets only 3 crisis suits. And runs them in a single team ... which you should almost never do. In fact, why he kept the suit with the plasma rifle and burst cannon is beyond me. Better to have left it at home.

    But maybe he kept it so that he had another burst cannon, seeing as he took only three stealth suits! With a bonding knife! (The only time he could even use the BK was if he was down to Last Man Standing tests anyway.) Ridiculous. And blatantly stupid.

    And then, THEN he springs for two units of stingwings. He talks about how they can be really useful provided that you keep them protected and work them in concert with other units, a lesson he claims to have learned from the last time he used them. So it's a mystery to me why he does no such thing at all, and charges them blindly into combat with the DAs, no support anywhere to be found.

    And finally, Andy takes a single piranha, but then does nothing with it. At all! Seriously. After deployment, the piranha isn't mentioned again until it is somehow easily blown up on turn two. What happened before then? Did he move it? Did he not? What the --?

    So much for the great advantage in firepower, too. Andy has all of three units that have any range and/or oomph, and two of them are static (the snipers and the broadsides, what excellent choices for an alpha take and hold mission). The firewarriors are useless because they have to move to win the game, and that means they can only rapid fire, and the DA have no problems staying out of that pickle. He has two pathetically underpowered and undermanned mobile units of suits, he has no support for the stingwings, he never uses the piranha....

    Auugh! It makes my head hurt to even think about it. This could have been a much more interesting report. A couple of highly mobile armies with lots of power, dodging, weaving, testing each other out, heading towards an inevitable fast finish. Instead, we get a scenario that clearly advantages one army for another, the same army that is at least competently built and generaled, set up against an army that is deliberately neutered and led by an idiot.

    I'm sorry, but I am not excited by any army that can rack up an easy win over a pathetic opponent. If you, GW, want me to get excited in something new, I want to see it win under adversity. That's interesting.

    Last edited by number6; February 15th, 2007 at 21:28.
    ninjabackhand: point and click, again, really? even after i give you an military term "shock tactic" you still call it point and click.
    RIP Warhammer 40,000: 21 Sep 1998 - 24 May 2014

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  3. #2
    Senior Member artificer's Avatar
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    I have to say "I'm shocked"! :w00t:

    GW's been whoring batreps out for a LONG time now, but this seems even more blatant than even their usual garbage.

    Of course they couldn't give Tau the two things everyone ALWAYS sees on a Tau list - a number of suits, both crisis and broadside, as well as a hammerhead.

    How would it look if an entire squadron of shiny, new, "BUY THESE NOW!" bikes was gacked in a single round by submunitions and a few broadside railguns?

    I'm not buying the line about the studio army only having 3 suits in it either...
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  4. #3
    Son of LO darkreever's Avatar
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    If they go so far as to rig the game, they might as well go the extra distanc and make it boring as well. Should have pit them up against a black legion army with the Cypher model in it. That way it doesn't just look like a pointless battle all but screaming: BUY THESE NEW MODELS!!

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  5. #4
    Member Silvanest's Avatar
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    i read that report too and the entire time i was thinking 'wtf?' i just coudnt figure out how anyone could be so dumb.

    the tau player was a total tool. he chose a dumb army and he used his units foolishly. granded, in this mission tau wasnt the greatest... but they should haaave been smarter then that.

    and the army selection of the DA was kind of annoying too. he spent points on some realy high point models that never realy justified their cost. i know that they want to show off new models for the range... but a little common since.
    "Moral Victory! the enemy ran away at the sight of my roting, spikey, diseased, awesomeness... wait.. what?" ~ Theyak

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    One of the reason I prefer the handful of online sites that do wonderful photolayouted battle reports whenever I can find them. I like to see real people play, not sales people.

    I don't mind it though, WD is more a trade publication to sell and pitch stuff then a gaming magazine and it's pretty obvious so when I buy one I can't say I'm surprised. Plus with the basic monopoly on the market doing what they do sort of makes some fiscal sense and I'd rather them stay in buisness so I can keep playing their great game and ignoring their crappy magazine.

    Yeah though, I'll concede. That one was pretty stinky. Like going to use an outhouse after a fatman who finished a burrito just got out of it, grade A stinky {rigged}.
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  7. #6
    The deep down truth Rikimaru's Avatar
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    Do not get me started, I have just read that battle report what a complete and utter waste of time, energy, space, 10 minutes of my life, ink, paper, money (I bought the mag because of the Tau in the battle).
    You know what I'm gonna start a thread where we post Tau lists from GW websites, WD and just see how pathetic they are, I would love to get those WD idiots in a room and see just how much they know or even better have a game against em.
    1984

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    please do not even talk about rigged battle reports. In the UK when the Tau empire was released a guy who openly admits that he has never used Dark Eldar uses them and preceded to use scourges and hellions in his list (if you have no idea of what this means its the equivilent of using krootox in a tau list). In another battle report when they were trying to sell the new plastic terminators, they let a entire terminator army led by marnius calgar in a land raider (the others all deep striked) aginst a necron force where he used 2 units of pariahs and didn't take ressurection orbs because he 'wanted to be different'. At this point, I stopped reading or even buying white dwarf as the quality had gone WAY down and it was practically a GW catalogue.
    wow. now that was interesting

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    Quote Originally Posted by black cherry View Post
    In another battle report when they were trying to sell the new plastic terminators, they let a entire terminator army led by marnius calgar in a land raider (the others all deep striked) aginst a necron force where he used 2 units of pariahs and didn't take ressurection orbs because he 'wanted to be different'.
    Would YOU buy Marneus Calgar if he lost his battle report? I wouldn't!

  10. #9
    Member markg09's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by artificer View Post
    GW's been whoring batreps out for a LONG time now, but this seems even more blatant than even their usual garbage.
    Yeah, they've taken on a "Harlem Globetrotters vs. Washington Generals" type of flavour. Hate 'em and won't read them.
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  11. #10
    I am a free man! number6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanzibar View Post
    Would YOU buy Marneus Calgar if he lost his battle report? I wouldn't!
    One would hope that one has played enough games to know that uber-characters -- and their forces -- can be taken out for any number of reasons. The opponent was gunning for them specifically, a streak of bad luck, superior generalship from a quality opponent.... You know, 'cause it's a, what do we call it? Oh yes. A GAME.

    If I'm a Marines player, and I look at Calgar, and I like what abilities he brings to the table and could supply to my army, I'm going to at least experiment with him. Who gives a flying [censored] what happens in his battle report? Just seeing him in action for a turn or two -- win or lose, kill or be killed -- makes very little difference.

    This is where I think GW gets the purpose of their batreps wrong. They should always show hard-fought, tactically intelligent battles. The batreps should showcase the game of Warhammer itself and some of the more interesting abilities of the models and armies they are currently pushing. It shouldn't be a forgone conclusion of smashing success against a pathetic foe. It shouldn't be a flavorless showcase for everything shiny and new. It should instead integrate what they want to advertise in the context of how it can pay off in a close game.

    Like I said, I don't really care that they will only report games where the "currently favored" force wins. Just play enough games and pick the one that is the most interesting to report on and ignore the ones where the "favored" force loses. How difficult is that?
    ninjabackhand: point and click, again, really? even after i give you an military term "shock tactic" you still call it point and click.
    RIP Warhammer 40,000: 21 Sep 1998 - 24 May 2014

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