Oooo! Ooooo! I got one for ya'll!
Aliens Versus Predator: Requiem
Review and Story: Fair warning. I give spoilers for this movie and the ending of AVP 1. You'll thank me for it later, I promise. At least this way you can get the story line of the movie without having to waste your money for it.
In a nutshell, this movie is complete garbage. There are pointless characters that litter the screen, plot holes that make you wonder what the story writers were smoking, and the action sequences are confusing and irritating.
First, let's cover the story. There isn't one.
Okay, so maybe there is one. But it's trash. It begins right where AVP 1 left off - the only Predator to make it out of the hunting grounds is aboard a Predator ship, comatose. Shortly there after, an Alien worm bursts from the chest, and quickly grows to full size. At this point, he dispatches one of the two (yes, only two) other Predators on the ship. The the second Predator fires a horribly aimed shot, hitting some random corridor, which causes the ship to blow up and crash land on Earth.
One shot. From inside the ship. Ship crash lands in a fiery blaze. I call bullshits. Especially since these are freakin' Predators, who hunt Aliens as a hobby.
Ship crashes in the woods of Colorado. A man and his son spot the flaming wreckage while out hunting, and instead of being smart and running the opposite direction like all humans should, they decide to investigate and poke the giant, burning, alien metal object with sticks. Shortly there after, they get face humped and spawn new aliens.
Note that the son is around 10 years old. And he gets shown as being face humped, then chest-bursted. He also gets to watch his dad's arm fall off due to corrosive acid. It's pretty gruesome, and one of those boundaries that I thought most movie companies would avoid. You don't lightly kill off children in a gory fashion unless you're attempting to invoke a deep emotional response from your audience. AVP:R does not evoke a deep, emotional response.
At this point, on Predator homeworld (where-ever the hell that might be), a single Predator gets a vid-screen that shows him that said ship crash landed, and he hops into a jet plane or something and takes off for Earth. ONE. ONE FREAKIN' PREDATOR. Not only did he just witness some nasty Alien/Predator hybrid decimate two other Predators, but he also knows that this ship housed a ton of other Alien face-hugger things that are just looking to spawn more Alien Warriors. Of course he's going to go alone.
Oh, I didn't mention the Alien/Predator hybrid yet, did I? Oh well, because it was completely pointless. The movie is so dark and the fight scenes so confusing, you never get a good view of it. Mainly, it looks like a regular Alien with dreadlocks and a jaw that splits to the sides, just like a Predator. Yay?
Back to the story. Around this point you're greeted with the main characters. One is an ex-con, fresh out of jail. Typical tough guy trying to do good. The anti-hero. Boring. Next you have anti-hero's brother, who is pretty much just trying to nail 'hawt chick.' He's a pretty standard idiotic teenage kid being controlled by his hormones. Hawt chick is introduced right afterwards, who is pretty much standard eye candy for the males in the crowd. All she thinks about is sex and trying to get into the pants of anti-hero's brother. But, at least she's easy on the eyes. Pity she has the personality of a rock, and you're never given any reason to care about her.
Oh, and of course there is the cop of the story. Sheriff of the small county that this all takes place in, who just so happens to be anti-hero's best friend! What an Odd Couple these two make! As random crap keeps happening throughout the story, Sheriff boy cracks under the pressure, and anti-hero pitches in to help! Because, of course when things get tough, you obviously want an ex-con as your right-hand man, helping you make all the decisions, right?
After about 30 boring minutes of character introduction, the Aliens are back to killing people. They kill some homeless people, turn them into more Aliens, and pretty much just bore the audience.
The Predator shows up, does some wordless, horrible acting while searching for clues in the downed space ship, then blows it up. Later, he pours some mystical blue liquid over the corpses of the hunter and his son, while dissolve them instantly. Apparently, the Predator is trying to cover up any evidence of the Aliens, but that idea quickly goes south as the Aliens are spawning like crazy.
From here, the action picks up a bit. Predator hunter takes on a few Aliens in the sewers, some quick action that you can't really make out happens, then everyone quickly migrates to ground level to create havoc amongst the hapless town goers.
This is when disturbing image #2 happens. A pregnant lady is leaving work when she is attacked by the Aliens. Obviously she gets killed, but what is most odd is the Predator/Alien hybrid snatches her unborn baby. The movie never really shows this part, but it's implied when random lady #4 sees the body and there is a gaping hole in the victim's stomach.
Yes, you read that right. Aliens are baby-snatching unborn fetuses in this movie.
A bit of the movie goes by. Hawt girl tries hooking up with anti-hero's brother. Gets interrupted by ex-boyfriend, who then all get interrupted by an Alien who systematically eats the disposable characters, save one. He gets killed a bit later by face melting, which is rather gruesome to watch. Aliens are spawning left and right. For every one that Predator kills, six more pop up. Townsfolk are being eaten, and everyone is panicking and making stupid decisions. The National Guard are called in, and in a display of complete ineptitude, are killed by a single Alien. It simply walks through their ranks, killing them all one by one.
The story culminates with most of the remaining population being told by an Army General or something to head to the center of town. For air lift. Because that's totally going to happen, right? As random lady #4 quips - "The government wouldn't lie to us, would they?"
Important story characters and one random idiot head to the hospital to snatch the helicopter there. Obviously, random idiot dies first. After all, that was the point of random idiot showing up. All he needed was a red shirt to seal the deal. Oh, wait, was that red flannel I saw? I think it was!
The characters quickly find out that the Aliens have made the hospital their new base of operations. I kid you not - the first thing the Predator/Alien hybrid did was go to the infant ward and scout out the kids. Again, while they don't show it, the story implies heavily that it ate the babies. And, once again, that is a line movie producers should never cross.
Right afterwards, the Hybrid orally... 'sexually assaults'... a woman in labor. That's right. It literally puts its mouth to hers, and implants Alien seedlings. A bit later in the movie, her stomach bursts open with a few new Alien wormlings.
For the last time - there are some lines producers should not cross. This is one of them.
Then the movie moves to the climax. Surviving story characters (some of them die) get into helicopter and fly off. Predator faces off with the Hybrid in a crappy action sequence that is so dark that you can't tell which one is getting their ass kicked.
But all of it matters not one iota, because the government drops a nuclear bomb on the town, obliterating everything.
Well, that's not totally true. There are a few survivors (the ones on the helicopter), and there's a small cliff hanger of an ending, setting up story line events for the Corporation down the road.
I gave it a bit higher than a one, because really, all I expected was to see some Predators kicking the crap out of Aliens, and vice versa. Instead, I got one Predator that spent half of the movie doing detective work, some hack characters that really don't matter at all, and a horrible ending.