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Well here is the new movie critics cause Papa Kar asked me to put it up again. Nothing really to get in if you see a movie come post a review and how you would rate it here. Pretty easy simple and straight forward. Enjoy Kar.Example:
Review: (type how you thought it was)
Story Line: (What was the story)
Rating: (how you rate it 1-10 scale)
Movie: Ultra Violet
Review and story:
Kurt Wimmer presents us with yet another, pretty girl in tight leather and sterile future environment shoots and karate chops her way through a very badly acted and terribly written story.
There was over 10 minutes of badly written and voiced exposition before anything happened.
This film is so boring I can't tell. It's really hard to write anything about it.
There's a disturbing lack of blood in the film, considering there is sword based violence, and then enemy soldiers have glass instead of blood.
The CG and superimposing effects are very bad. Totally amateurish. One can easily find better home made effects on you tube - something like the starwars kid with the light sabers or what not.
The film did let me focus on my meal - some spaghetti bolognese. I added a tea spoon of sugar near the end of the cooking, and it really worked out. I'd highly recommend it.
I'd like to rant about the superimposing again. It's really quite bad - worse than cheaply made 80s film.
Anyway, you have your typical show how cool the main character is opening. She gets naked in a place which looks like a disco, and then there's a really bad bike chase. She steals a brief case.
She's supposed to be some kind of tortured vampire soul or something. She angsts about what her motives are. To be honest, I stopped caring halfway through the film.
She opens the case and inside it isn't a bomb, it's a CG child.
Anyway.. the CG child has blood which will kill all the vampires. So the rebels resolve to shoot it ,and thus spread it's blood everywhere. The main character doesn't want to kill the kid. To be honest, I'm not sure why. I was bored.
Then she arrives on a roof and speaks Chinese - presumably very badly. Then they get in a circle, and try to shoot her, for the fourth time in the film - for yet ANOTHER matrix style scene.
She then dodges bullets and prances about and poses and people fall over.
To be honest.. i don't want to go on about this more.
I just want to enjoy my meal.
I considered walking out on this film - and I was in my OWN HOME!!
So a note to avoid all films by Kurt Wimmer.
Rating: 1 out of 10.
Please don't watch this film. It's very bad.
We turned it off halfway through.
Movie: Hannibal Rising
Review and Story:
Hannibal isn't a psycho at all, Nazi planes killed his mummy. Lithuanians carry some money off in a stretcher then apparently eat his sister in a vague montage of brutality.
Hannibal is so shocked by this that he starts writing in English and flees t...(read more)o France where he meets a Japanese woman (played by a Chinese woman) who trains Hannibal (for those who forgot, in previous films a cannibal psycopath) in the way of the samurai with kendo and honour.
He then chops someone's head off and speculates about old testament bible passages.
WHY DOES HE HAVE A JAPANESE/CHINESE WOMAN IN HIS FAMILY?
WHY DOES HANNIBAL HAVE TO BE A SAMURAI?
.. Hannibal-san then moves to medical school in a desperate effort by the directors to tie this film in with the others.
The directors then make another oscar attempt by having some guy who has shipped children to Auschwitz go under the guillotine.
Under the effects of drugs, Hannibal-san recreates his memories and set back to Lithuania for revenge - where he is attacked by a reckless pig.
Using a horse and some rope, Hannibal-san extracts some information fom his enemies using what must be secret samurai technique. He then celebrates with some mushrooms.
He returns back to France to see his sensei and reveals that miraculously all the lithuanians are living in France.
Hannibal-san goes to sit down in a restaurant, and the first person to come in happens to be one of his former captors. After serenading a young girl with German classics and a cherry, he and the Chinese/Japanese woman leave the restaurant in such a way that only a Japanese Ninja could have done such a thing.
It transpires the Lithuanians have become gangsters and pimps like any suitable baddy from a James Bond film.
A man tries to assassinate Hannibal-san, but he is thwarted by his superior Ninja training.
I have to admit, at this point in the film, I fell asleep. But when I woke up, Hannibal-san was partaking in a bit of incest with his hot chinese aunt.
In the next scene Hannibal-san was creating explosives using rubber gloves - probably out of boredom, I know I was bored.
Hannibal-san bungles a revenge attack and is about to be bled like a pig (but not the pig from earlier) but is saved by his time release rubber glove bomb - aka Mission Impossible etc.
The baddies kidnap his chinese aunt, and ransom Hannibal-san with another film cliched - a life for a life. Hannibal-san prays to his ancestors, and takes a Ninja sword to battle for his honour, incidentally, he sheathes this Ninja blade just like Blade from the Blade franchise of films.
I fell asleep again at this point, but when I woke up, Hannibal-san appeared to have successfully ninjed his way onto the baddies boat.
Incidentally, I only mentioned the blade thing to take the mickey, but it actually deflects a bullet...
The baddy reveals the twist, that Hannibal-san also ate his own sister, but we all know him as a cannibal, so this is normal for him. A bit of familiar ground. This is bullshit. He goes all angsty like Darth Vader in the CG starwars, and then decides to eat a baddy.
I'm not sure I mentioned, but.. if Hannibal-san is lithuanian and speaks English with an outrageous accent after his Nazi plane shock... how the hell does he speak American in the later films?
This film is absolute rubbish. Peter Webber is a fool - he shouldn't be allowed to direct anything ever again.
The best bit of the film was definitely when I slept and dreamt about macaroni.
Another crap film.
Movie: Smoking Aces
Review: This is one of those movies thats got lots of action and killing. Not everyone will like it, its kinda of a movie for guys. But I do think the movie has some neat scenes of action and some interesting characters. 3 of the characters in particular are these three brothers which are out of there minds, one of them actually uses a sawn off shotgun and a chainsaw as weapons. There is also a great scene where one of the hitmen (hitwoman actually) in an adjacent building tears apart an entire floor of the hotel with her .50 calibre sniper, blowing some feds right off there feet. At the end of the movie there is a bit of a twist and stuff. All in all its a pretty good action movie.
Storyline: Its basically about a hit on one man worth 1 million dollars and the hit is under witness protection so the feds are trying to transport him. Multiple hitmen and the feds are all going after this one guy which is in the penthouse of a hotel near Las Vegas if Im not mistaken. Ben Affleck, Andy Garcia and Alicia Keys are in it but Affleck has a suprisingly small role. And as youve probably guessed there are lots of gunfights, blood and a .50 calibre sniper rifle (I dont know if you guessed about the sniper).
Just my thoughts on Smoking Aces. And I know its not as long or detailed as the reviews by Karmoon but I hope its OK. This second review is not really a review its more of a warning to not rent, buy, go to the theatres to see it or even borrow it from a friend. The bottom line was I hated the movie in this next review.
Movie: Spider man 3
Review and Storyline: I dont want to talk about it! It was that bad.
Rating: 1/10. I actually think it should get -3/10 but Im not sure if I can rate it like that.
I used to be superbock, if anyone cares.
Looksk like I will boost the excitment.
Movie: Pirates of the Carribean at worlds end.
Review: I really don't know how to review this if you haven't seen the first or second of series you won't understand so go see them.
Rating: 9/10. I give it this for a reason there is action comedy and surprises which is what I like and see in movies. Nothing can ever be a 10 thought because nothing can ever be perfect.
I have a couple of good ones too
But, I was waiting for others to post other stuff too!
This is great! The movie clan is such a great idea!