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I am creating a newish chapter based on the Black Consuls.
The Legion was formed from the survivors of the Siege of Goddeth Hive.
Disappearing into the fringes of space, with less than two full companies.
Jumping from planet to planet recruiting new scouts and from the local populace. Occasionally bringing in the a few space marines from other annihilated chapters.
Named the Blackest Legion as they come from the black, and are clad in black armor, highlighted in gold in honor of the Black Consuls.
Ever prayer is opened and closed with "For the Fallen!" and shouted for every charge into battle.
Current strength is thought to be around four full companies. Led by Payne, the Blackest Legion's Chapter Master.
They have no official home world, for the Blackest Legion is always in space destroying enemies of the Imperium from the
Tell me how that sounds, and what you think is missing.
I would personally revamp your envisioned colour scheme and chapter name for reasons stated above, other than that your fluff seems OK. Consider how much they will adhere to the Codex Astartes, although from your description they sound pretty zealous so they will follow it almost exactly unless of course you have other ideas.
Also consider finishing your fluff instead of ending it mid-sentence with the word 'the', it can get very annoying when someone cuts off a desc