Sister Mel's Sermon :-) - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sister_mel's Avatar
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    Sister Mel's Sermon :-)

    A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. So here goes!

    Epistle Vol IIX Ch IIV
    The faithful man performed the mind numbing litanies and drew about the exhausting performance of polishing the 1034 pews in the almighty cathedral of Saint Jhobb the third. But one day the Emperor faithful man was sucked into the warp faster than Saint Claire could suck the 23rd Cadian platoon; and there he looked upon Chaos. He saw the humble breast of demonettes, the everlasting life of CUTE nurglins, the number oneness of Khorne and the anti-dead end job of the lord of change. And with his coarse lips, he did speak these words: “Ahh f**K this I’m off!? And just as he reached for the bodily assists of a Slaanesh demonette, a bolt of thunder struck him from the heavens and his body turned to ash. And far, far away on a golden throne the Emperor laughed “That will teach you, you little bastard!?.

    The lesson of the is sermon: The Emperor is one big bitch!

    Let us pray:
    Almighty Emperor, let not our bodies be struck by thou bitchin lightning nor may our body be turned to ash in any form or way. Nor let us be ripped apart into bloody shreds by a power sword or axe. Let not our enemies eat our still pulsing body and neither allow them to play voodoo with our intestines. May no tyranid infest inside me and slowly eat me from within, and let me not be tempted by demonettes, Sisters of Battle, female Eldar or cute little nurglins. Or if the case may be that I am female or Bornin; let me not be tempted by anything that has two legs and breath’s. Domine refugime quorum. Amen.
    :evil:


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  3. #2
    Son of LO BorninDarkness's Avatar
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    Wow that was... enlightening :lol: . At least I don't have to deal with corpses shooting lightning bolts, I can hang out with cute little Nurglings (finally convinced you there didn't I ) and I can ehm... touch Daemonettes . Hehe, such are the rewards for those that pledged their souls to Chaos ten millennia ago!
    Ze titles yez...
    When in doubt,
    Smite.
    <SilverMane> I would trust BID with my life
    <SilverMane> HEIL BID!
    <Adrian-> BiD is Omnipotent; All Knowing, All Powerful!
    <Scary_Troopers> I see you as an optimist, GT. : D

    But what of the midgets!?
    =]Front in favour of Moderation of the Harshest kind.[=


  4. #3
    Senior Member Sister_mel's Avatar
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    Sister Mel's sermon 2 (the sequal)

    A good sermon has a good beginning and a good ending. But most importantly of all theses two things should not be too far apart from one another! So here goes:

    The Epistle Vol IIV Ch XI
    The heretic shall burn, and so shall his soul burn and his body burn and so shall he be aflame. His mind is alight and he shall burn in death and unto whatever he would burn into and there he will also burn. And so shall all he came to would they burn also and whomever they came to will also burn. And they shall burn their soul and body and they shall be aflame. Their minds will be alight and they shall burn in death and unto whatever they would burn into and that will burn as well, until all is left is burning flame that will also burn.

    The lesson of the sermon is: THOU SHALT BURN!!!

    Let us pray:
    Almighty Emperor please do not burn me. But let me take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually not my fault. May the Librarium online become number one in GW top sites and may BorninDarkness stop mutating, less he becomes Michael Jackson. I beseech thee, please do not burn me and my friends, however please feel free to do so to Osama BinLaden. Domine libra nosse. Amen.

  5. #4
    Son of LO BorninDarkness's Avatar
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    Fire for pain? Such limited imagination . But if you want to burn everyone who had contact with the Heretic you'd have to burn everyone at the L-O too (yes that includes you ).
    Ehm, michael jackson? Here we have an example of those who are mutating the wrong way. A True Champion of Chaos (like me) recieves gifts for his actions that please the Dark Gods. These Champions will eventually become Daemon Princes.
    Those that fail to please their Masters will mutate, but these mutations are not Gifts, but Punishments. These would-be Champions then become the loathsome beasts known as Spawn (MJ has reached this level).
    Ze titles yez...
    When in doubt,
    Smite.
    <SilverMane> I would trust BID with my life
    <SilverMane> HEIL BID!
    <Adrian-> BiD is Omnipotent; All Knowing, All Powerful!
    <Scary_Troopers> I see you as an optimist, GT. : D

    But what of the midgets!?
    =]Front in favour of Moderation of the Harshest kind.[=


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    Yes heratic Bornin shall turn into a deamon prince with a second head that the nurglings keep poking it with a stick all day long.

  7. #6
    Son of LO BorninDarkness's Avatar
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    They can poke as much as they want, I still have another head anyway .
    Ze titles yez...
    When in doubt,
    Smite.
    <SilverMane> I would trust BID with my life
    <SilverMane> HEIL BID!
    <Adrian-> BiD is Omnipotent; All Knowing, All Powerful!
    <Scary_Troopers> I see you as an optimist, GT. : D

    But what of the midgets!?
    =]Front in favour of Moderation of the Harshest kind.[=


  8. #7
    Senior Member LRSeriesIII's Avatar
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    LOL! Michael Jackson does look an awful lot like a Daemonette, come to think of it...

  9. #8
    Son of LO BorninDarkness's Avatar
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    ...
    Daemonettes are cool, MJ isn't!!! And Daemonettes are female, while MJ is... well... weird .
    Ze titles yez...
    When in doubt,
    Smite.
    <SilverMane> I would trust BID with my life
    <SilverMane> HEIL BID!
    <Adrian-> BiD is Omnipotent; All Knowing, All Powerful!
    <Scary_Troopers> I see you as an optimist, GT. : D

    But what of the midgets!?
    =]Front in favour of Moderation of the Harshest kind.[=


  10. #9
    Senior Member Sister_mel's Avatar
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    I don't think anyone know's what michael jackson is. I think he may be possesd with the looks of a nurgle but has the high pitched singing of something from the pits of Slaanesh, either that or he is some sort of Eldar mutant!

  11. #10
    Son of LO BorninDarkness's Avatar
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    Well high-pitched isn't necessarily a bad thing, I mean Dani Filth often uses the highpitched voice. Though I prefer the deep voices because I can't do the high-pitched thingies (my Ballz are too big for it ).
    Ze titles yez...
    When in doubt,
    Smite.
    <SilverMane> I would trust BID with my life
    <SilverMane> HEIL BID!
    <Adrian-> BiD is Omnipotent; All Knowing, All Powerful!
    <Scary_Troopers> I see you as an optimist, GT. : D

    But what of the midgets!?
    =]Front in favour of Moderation of the Harshest kind.[=


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