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Well you are certainly on your way. Most people that are looking for commission work want attention to detail and a bit of flair that makes their models stand out. I think the more you work on your painting the more you will find out where your strengths are, are where you need improvement. These look pretty good, but seem to be missing something that I can’t quite put my finger on.
If you want commission work you have a long way to go, but those two are a good start. You don't seem to have missed anything (except one base, get that painted stat!). I do notice that some parts seem to need more highlights. The rune plates in particular needs some edge highlights.
As for learning techniques and tricks you can try GW's How To Paint Citadel Miniatures ( it's got plenty of nice pictures at least), CoolMiniOrNot has quite a good collection of articles and of course forums like this is a great place to get tips and feedback. The poster "And Justice For All" has some threads featuring commissions, you could ask him about that kind of thing.
Hope this has been of some help, Good Luck and Keep Painting!