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Venerable Dreadnaught "Coldcuts"
Veteran squad "Alpha"
-sergent /w Powerfist
Tactical squad "Primer"
5 space Marines
Tactical Squad "shoota"
5 Space Marines
Tactical Squad "Enorme"
5 Space Marines
Tactical squad "Beta"
10 Space Marines
-Sergeant with PF
Tactical Squad "Roma"
10 Space Marines
-Sergent with PF
-Drop podHEAVY SUPPORT
Devostator squad "Demolish"
-4 plasma cannons
This in suposed to be an army that is pretty decent against everything. i might have a few troubles with horde armies, but i rarly fight them when i play. the commander goes in the squad with the veterans.
Proud owner of the following armies: Crimson Fists, Iron Hands, Skaven, and Traitor Legion
Storm Bolters are great, however, it's two handed. So when you get into close combat you won't get +1 attack. Consider buying him an extra bolt pistol so he can switch it up (I believe this is legal.) Further, if he's going to be grabbing a ride with your veteran squad, ask yourself if it's really worth the extra points for a storm bolter. How many chances do you expect to make use out of it in a close combat squad? It's a question, not criticism.
The Rhino on that Veteran Squad is looking awful lonely. It's going to be one of two pieces of armor your opponent sees at the start, unless you're unlucky in deploying the Whirlwind. You're going to have to really go out of your way to keep it from getting blown to bits. Neither of the two targets you'll present are -that- tough.
So what do we do with the Rhino? Consider a Drop Pod. Now, this creates the problem of not being able to join your Commander to it. Easy enough. Replace them with a command squad. You'll have to buy the Commander Furious Charge as well, however the points you save by switching from a Rhino more than make up for that.
The only problem I see with Furious Charge + Drop Pod is that you have a turn that you have to sit around, within charge range of the enemy, not charging. It's often better to charge than be charged (unless you're god awful in CC and really need to avoid that extra round of it.) With Furious Charge, this is even more true. Ask yourself if you think it's likely enough that you'll be able to get the charge off. A rhino doesn't have this problem (if you pile out before it moves,) true. However it's probably going to go pop before getting anywhere useful.
Also, a commander in a drop pod isn't using his special ability for the first two or three turns of the game most likely. If you can work in the points, toss in a Chaplain instead. It'll make your charge that much more nasty. Furious Charge + Chaplain = Bad Times in Ridgemont High.
If you grab a Drop Pod for the Command Squad, you probably may as well do it for the Dreadnought too. Assuming your goal is to get him up close and personal. If you plan on keeping it back to defend your heavy weapon teams, then a drop pod is rather useless.
Missile Launchers are a bit more standard in a Dev Squad. I'll trust you to know what you're doing with them better than I. I don't get to play with the things, so I haven't spent any time thinking them over.
So, really, other than the fairly standard repetition of the holy phrase 'use a drop pod', I like it. Can't really go wrong with lots of Marines.
Those veterans should be a command squad, with drop pod, similar layout, 1 powerweapon dude, sgt with powerfist, with attached HQ, all with frags. As said before, he should have a bolt pistol.
Id make your dev MLs, and remove one tactical squad, but this is personal preferance, then add in LSTs, that will help your army support its self way better.
Dreadnought needs drop pod, or TLLC/ML Tankhunters, either way in needs extra armour, and smoke launchers if you find yourself with a few extra points.