If Warhammer made Toasters

[Squig_Chow]

Orcs and Goblins toaster: This toaster comes in a set of four toasters. There is a darker toaster (biggest), a light green toaster (second biggest), a smaller toaster (second smallest), and a really tiny toaster (smallest). The toasters send the bread to the smallest toaster down until you realize that all the toast is being made by the smallest toaster.

Chaos Dwarfs toaster: This toaster is out of production, but there's a nifty PDF that can serve as a manual if you have one of the versions from when it was in production. Alternatively, you can build your own Chaos Dwarfs toaster and use the PDF to run it. Once you have your working Chaos Dwarf toaster, it seems to load toast into rockets and shoot them at you. The rockets actually taste like butter and are completely edible, but often the flavor overpowers that of the toast (which is pretty dark).

Tzeentch toaster: The Tzeentch toaster plans out how it wants YOU to want your toast. It then instructs you to want this kind of toast with both subliminal and superliminal commands. After consuming said toast, the toaster begins commanding you to do other things. Even if you resist, the toaster would already have planned such a thing and have charged its power in order to fry you with powerful, warping fire.

Skaven toaster: Explodes often. Very often. Although it is quite cheap, DO NOT BUY THIS TOASTER.

[Shadow Nugz]

Slaanesh Toaster: works very well for over indulgent or beutiful sexy women... no one else, it doesn't like you enough.

[NiteRabbit]

Tau Toaster: In the Tau Empire, bread toasts you!

Tomb Kings Toaster: The first time you use this toaster, it will take such a long time to finish that you think it's useless. However, with the application of a little chanting, it becomes the fastest and most effective toaster ever produced, produces multiple pieces of toast at the same time, and turns burned toast into normal, wholesome, and edible toast. When it begins to glow, avert your eyes quickly or it will steal your soul (no armour saves allowed).

[sithjack]

Dark Eldar: Toast is made incredibly quickly, but bread is always stale.

Dark Angels: Toast will sometimes vanish while in toaster along with anyone watching said toast. Warning pretty robes may be a fire hazard.

Imperial Guard: Rumors of unit cooking toast with napalm and flamethrowers currently unsubstantiated.

Alpha Legion: Despite removal of necessary components will continue to function. Toast often appears behind one's back.

Tyranid: Wheat goes in, toast come out.

Necron: All your toast are belong to us.

[Codicier_Valkus]

World Eaters: Toast always charges at you and will not stop until eaten. The toast will only accept red jam made up of blood, even if it is from the toast itself.

Black Legion: Toast has a bit of everything on it and always comes out very burnt.

Ultramarines: The Codex Toastsarius must be followed to the letter or it will not provide you with a thousand slices of non-specialized, balanced toast.

Inquisition: They denied ever having a toaster, it never existed!

Iron Warriors: Besieges the toaster until it gives up all of its toast.

Lame I know....

[magila]

This is LOOOOL

[Killswitch]

Cadian Toaster- Every peice is uniform, but bores your taste buds to the point they explode in your mouth. Causes serious injury. Common injuries include, but are not limited too: Death, E.D., Blindness, Swelling of the apendiges, Falling out of tongue, loss of breath, heartburn, mild to servere brain damage, and, ofcourse, attempting of suicide by cutting thyself.

Desert Toaster- Most efficient toaster...if you happen to live in a wasteland...and love the taste of sand.

Elysian Toaster- Always Burnt. Shoots toast up into the atmosphere, where the Grav-Shoot down into your mouth.

Inquisition Toaster- Continually denies the exsistence of itself, and of toast.

Dark Angels Toaster- Toast cuts itself, causing to bleed butter.

And, last but not least,
Black Templar Toast- Feels the urge to charge into you, yelling rediculous 'prayers' and continually makes more 'recruits' for it's never ending 'crusade'.

-J

[Aether-Moose]

Tau: Once done, Toast will pop out of toaster, but jump back into cover as soon as you go to reach for it. Known to convert other kitchen appliances to it's cause, occasionally leading to small wars between the Toaster and non-compliant appliances.

Tyranids: You put in bread, genetically modified vanguard assault toast organisms come out and attempt to bring other materials back to the Toaster to make more. Warning, if given sufficient supplies, Toaster can turn entire kitchen into a living, attacking organism.

Chaos Undivided: Will not make toast out of bread, only offerings of servitude, broken oaths or souls.

Khorne: Toast made with this appliance will mindless beat you with itself until eaten.

Nurgle: Do not eat toast made with appliance, EVER.

Slaanesh: Toast will seek new ways of being eaten that incite the most sensation. Toast is occasiaonally seen taking all kinds of drugs and attempting to rape other appliances.

Orks: Any crumbs left over from toast, if not burned, will quickly grown into new slices. Once infestation has begun, it is highly advisable to leave area. Toast will erupt in inter-clan wars and annihilate itself in time.

Necrons: Once eaten, toast wll teleport out of stomach and rebuild itself, leaving you still hungry. NEcron toast is extremely annoying in this way.

[Deadstar_MRC]

Originally Posted by Aether-Moose

Necrons: Once eaten, toast wll teleport out of stomach and rebuild itself, leaving you still hungry. NEcron toast is extremely annoying in this way.

Teleporting toast! Awesome! (And damn funny as well...)

Maybe Grey Knight toaster work in the opposite manner; it waits until you're really, really hungry, and then teleports toast directly into your stomach to banish the hunger-demons. Or something along those lines.

Of course, that toast would be incredibly hard to digest; the Grey Knight toaster uses only the toughest, most incorruptible bread...

[NiteRabbit]

Tanith Toaster: Comes from a verdant forest world where stealth and speed are the keys to survival. Specialises in putting toast on your plate when you least expect it. This is one of head toaster designer Dan Abnett's most popular and acclaimed creations, capable of producing enough toast to last you 11-12 days, and it's still producing. We don't know when it will stop.