If Warhammer made Toasters

[yourtimehascome]

Dear All Concerned,

If Warhammer made toasters:

Brettonian: This toaster model would stand above your other appliances as King. When you came to make toast, it would throw the lesser appliances at you, hoping to distract you long enough for the fridge, itself and oven to get in place for a cavalry charge. Toast has yet to be seen.

Dark Elves: A side branch off of the Other Elven models, it believes that it should have ruled the kitchen and sits in dark corners muttering to itself in its own self pity. Toast always comes out burned, hence the name “dark” elves.

Dwarf: This toaster would always run on “Gun Line” mode and never stop bragging about how “Gun Line” mode is soooo good. (Caution, Gun Line mode has been known to send toast flying at you, may cause instant death. no amour saves allowed as found in the Universal rules page 23)

Empire: Would be one of the most common toasters seen around (its population is the biggest) and may cause damage to other appliances in seizures due to a glance of the emperor.

High Elves: The most expensive model on the market, currently even Bill Gates cannot buy it. Since it has not been purchased, no one knows what kind of toast it will make, but it better be damn good.

Hordes of Chaos: Said to be looked upon by the Chaos Gods better that the Beasts of Chaos model. (See Nurgle, Khorne, Slaneesh, and Tzeetch)

Lizardmen: This model is known to be accompanied by a larger and fatter toaster model that somehow has control over the former. Works itself to death constantly producing toast.

Orges: Know to be fat and lazy toasters. Toast is allows extra buttery and somewhat charred with cannon powder.

Tomb Kings and Vampire Counts: The only difference between these two models is that one is made of a rib cage of a fallen pharaoh and one is an arm of the risen dead. Both are known to moan a lot.

Space Marines: Known to be one of the most commonly bought, works fine overall, but only makes toast when its honor is in danger.

Dark Eldar and Eldar: See Dark Elves and High Elves.

Necrons: Toast has been know to explode and then regenerate. (Do not eat immediately, wait for explosion)

Imperial Guard: Sends wave after wave of toast at you till you don’t even like toast anymore.

Tau: So far advanced that all bought models have been confiscated by the Imperium for study and destruction.

Tyrinids: Silently eats the rest of your kitchen.

Orks: This model has forgotten how to really spell its name. Bread battles on plate after being toasted for control of the mouth.

Lord of the Rings: Appears to be on your side, then, the manufacturers realize that the toast is getting old and have to start making up bread types that stray from the originals so people will buy the same bread over and over so it can continue until its contract expires.

[yourtimehascome]

Dear All Concerned,

The point of this thread is to submit other toasters and to redo some for fun, feel free to post.


-ythc

[ArchonFarseerGuy]

Inquisition: Toaster known to capture and inflict all manner of pain on other kitchen appliances, even when it has no business whatsoever to do so.

Nurgle: Simply put: Don't trust the toast that this produces. It is understood that it is responsible for spreading Typhoid, Malaria and other insipid diseases.

Khorne: Toast produced by this toaster is known to go very well with raw meat. Enough said.

Wood Elves: Very territorial and has little to no trust of the other kitchen appliances. Is very protective of it's toast (it seems that htey have some knd of bargain) andwill attack anything that gets too close to it's cherished produce.

Not very good, but hey, I hope you like them.

-AFG

[churchic]

These we're extremely funny!!!! I love the Tau and Wood Elves toasters.....LOL!!!

[LandRaiderLover]

Another variant of the Eldar one

Produces toast that shoots very swiftly from the toaster hurting anyhing to close, do not try to protect yourself from this toast as it will procede to pierce any armor, before receding to a safe distance.

Just came up with it right here so its not that great.

[yourtimehascome]

Dear All Concerned,

Thanks for the replies anf hilarious new toasters! Keep them coming!

-ythc

[Rork]

If the Inquisition made toasters, they would always burn heretics .

[Deadstar_MRC]

Vampire counts. This toaster sees no reason to supply toast to any mere mortal. You may put endless slices of bread into it, but don’t expect anything back

However, as long as you keep this toaster away from garlic, crucifixes, stakes and the like, it will all but last forever.


Tau: Barely a few weeks after purchasing this toaster, you will notice that all of your kitchen appliances are working far more effectively and productively together for the Greater Good that is your breakfast. However, you may also notice that some of the more rebellious appliances have disappeared…

Seeing as I collect these two armies I thought I could have a go. Great idea for a topic though, yourtimehascome!

[yourtimehascome]

Dear All Concerned,

Wow, great ones guys! Keep it up!

BTW-Whoever repped me, thanks! I do not believe your rep defines you though.

But just as a heads up, whoever did should check their rep power! lol.

No Worries!

-ythc

[Tavion]

Dark Eldar Toaster - Tortures the toast for hours upon end, inflicting every pain upon the poor piece of toast until it grows tired, eventually when you figure out that this Toaster is useless or when the toaster has made so many amounts of toast that it has managed to figure out that toast doesn't actually experience pain, it then goes onto take you as a captive and torture you for hours upon end. One thing is for sure about this toaster, if it was as good as making toast as it was at bringing suffering and misery to the world.. It would make some awesome toast!