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hi all, I wrote this short story in a fit yesterday and thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, thought i might just post it and let you decide. Hopefully it isnt too insulting (or maybe im just being soft) but anyway, i hope most of you enjoy it.
note: there is a tad bit of low level language in here but it should be acceptable by most standards.
THE PROPHECY OF THE LAND RAIDER
It was in the time of 1988 that the adepts of the Astarte’s decreed that a new tank be made for their use with firepower and capacity as no other. It was proposed to be known as The Raider Of Land, but the messiah (poss. Trans. Omnissiah) in his great wisdom did say “No for that is a silly name, it shall instead be known as The Land Raider.”
And there was much rejoicing.
And so the diligent boffins at mars (poss. Trans. Games workshop) got to work immediately.
And they did labour long and hard (perhaps) and they did come up with this.
However the Messiah was not pleased in the slightest and he did decree “Off with their heads!” before realising that that was far too Victorian for this Gothic era.
So the Messiah did have pity on them and their stupidity, and instead he did make his orders more specific this time around.
“The hull shall be of a flat and cut trapezoid shape, it shall have no turret and shall have weaponry which thus consists of a sponson TL lascannon on each side and a TL heavy bolter in the front because these weapons like, so work well together”.
The adepts of Mars were amazed and humbly said “What the hell does “TL” mean?”
And with supreme patience and understanding, the Messiah said “twin-linked”.
And the adepts of Mars did sayeth “are you saying Space Marines can’t hit stuff?”
And with yet greater patience the Messiah said “yes”.
And before they could ask another question the Messiah continued with his prophecy, “The Land Raider shall have far superior armour than necessary, and shall have it all a-round even at the back, for the space marines are always in need of arse-covering. At the front it shall have an access ramp which is two small to get into, and it shall be such that it allows one to exit thy Land Raider after it has moved and assault thy enemy, thus shitting all over other vehicles which have roofs.”
“It shall also be gifted with a Power Of The Machine Spirit, and the rules shall be hard to understand and confusing as such that nobody bothers to use it on their other tanks.”
And so the Mars boffins did recreate the Land Raider and made it “much betterer” in the eyes of the Messiah.
And there was much rejoicing.
But then one day an adept came to the Messiah and did sayeth “Those bloody Black Templars have made their own version.”
And The Messiah did sayeth “what did they change?”
The adept said “Instead of your holiest of TL lascannons, they have added six bolters and instead of your holiest of TL heavy bolters, they have added TL assault cannons, also they added a multi-melta”.
And the Messiah was like “now that’s original”. And he did go to see one of these tanks in action and he saw that they had called it the Black Templars Bitch Pimped Wheels. But the Messiah did sayeth “no for that is just darn stupid and far too ghangsta, instead it shall be called, The Crusader”.
And everyone who saw it was like “party-pooper.” Behind his back.
But beside that there was much rejoicing.
And the Messiah did copy the plans from the Black Templars and distribute them to all other chapters, and the Black Templars where just a little annoyed.
Then the Messiah did find out that those people at the forgeworld were making their own versions of the Land Raider, and the Messiah did try to get them in plastic but the Mars Boffins were far too cheap to do so. So the Messiah did sayeth “I give up” and he went off to travel the galaxy and do “interesting things” like work out why Eldar vehicles are so much more difficult to kill then Land Raiders.
Thus ends the Prophecy of the Land Raider (for now as, like all historic books, it has a tendency to change)
Total 40k: >5000pts
total WFB: ~2000pts
I also enjoy good music, fine food, late night strolls on the beach and dancing in moonkin form :)
Lol i thought it was very original and funny! cant wait to hear more of your historical backrounds!!! :party2:
very monty python-ish. was a good read and there was much rejoicing after eating Sir Robin's minstrels.
Never give up. Never give up. HIT, HIT, HIT, HIT!
I thought it was pretty funny. My one piece of advice is more pictures
Originally Posted by The Paint Monkey
The story needs only one more thing: more cowbell!
You babies stick with me and you'll be wearing gold plated diapers.
That is so freaking funny,
And the Black Templars were just a little annoyed
but needs more pics!
Create flames for a galaxy and it will be warm. Put a galaxy in flames and it will be warm for the rest of it's existence.
"And he did go to see one of these tanks in action and he saw that they had called it the Black Templars Bitch Pimped Wheels."
This calls for a long and hearty bwa-haha.
The above poster = Totally a member of the Fluff Masters Clan. Click here for fluff pwnage.
Come, sons of LO! Kneel before Poodle!
Mr_Wayne: "Some people believe that the World Eaters do not field any ranged weaponry. Those people often die at a distance."
Moved over to the joke section.
LO RulesOriginally Posted by AnonymousOriginally Posted by Cyric
Sleeping, not dead.
Removed by the moderators.
Hahaha! Reminded me strongly of Monty Python, which I love, so 3 thumbs up on that one.
"So the Messiah did sayeth “I give up” and he went off to travel the galaxy and do “interesting things” like work out why Eldar vehicles are so much more difficult to kill then Land Raiders."
True that. Ever wonder why those puny Eldar tanks are harder to kill than 10 tons of pure armor and guns?
Originally Posted by Brett on Quidditch[ 1500pt. Chaos List, C&C! ]
-=W: 2 -D: 0- L: 3=-