Take the Cookie

[Non Marine Player]

Seeing all of the Hitchikers Guide' references, I suddenly remember my necromancy machine has been left on in a graveyard in Northampton. When I arrive, Zombie Douglas Adams greets me and, intrigued as I was with his novels, I asked him what the question of Life, The Universe and Everything was. Having whispered it into my ear, I suddenly was empowered with infinite knowledge and wisdom. Using my vision of the future newly inherited by Zombie Douglas Adams' kind gift of knowledge, I locate the cookie, travel to it's location through the webway, bringing my graveyard full of zombies with me, and then baffle Captain Corrigan so much with a logic puzzle that he is left in a comatose state whilst zombies nom on his neck. I then raise the cookie in my hands, surrounded by the mighty Zombie Douglas Adams and my other zombies.

My Cookie!

[Captain Corrigan]

Ha! I have you now, Non-marine player. Since you now know the ultimate question, the universe instantly disappears and is replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. Being fairly inexplicable myself, I feature in this new reality, as does the cookie. You and your zombies are less fortunate. Furthermore, remembering the famous herring sandwich experiments, I logically outwit the puzzle before reclaiming the cookie. I then switch to David Eddings references.My cookie.-Corrigan

[Non Marine Player]

Having transcended realities with my knowledge of the ultimate question, it is a simple task to find a worm hole that travels to Captian Corrigan's location, steal the cookie from his zombified hands and run away laughing maniacally.

My Cookie!

[praxis]

As you spelt Captain wrong, your reality collapses in on you and I, in my "refreshed" state at half three in the morning, put the cookie in my pocket. When I wake up, I will say "Where the hell did that come from ?". Then the wife will shout at me for leaving the telly and all the lights on.

[Non Marine Player]

The voice calling you is in fact me doing an impressive impersonation, and as you decend to answer your wife's call, you are trapped in a holo-cage. I then wrench the cookie out of your pocket with my cookie magnet and escape into my own private dimension.

My Cookie!

[MightisRight]

And then you realise that the pocket dimension was actually and entrance to an alternate reality created by the necrons in which anything with a soul is rendered comatose, and while you are asleep I steal the cookie. Also, I scatter fake cookies around you, so that you don't even know it's gone! Mwahahahaha.

[Captain Corrigan]

Unfortunately for you, MightisRight, I intervene and steal the real cookie from you while you are busy cackling away like some villain from a cheap melodrama. I then hide the cookie amidst piles of complaints letters in Matt Ward's pigeon hole, which you may be pleased to hear doubles as his kitchen bin.

-Corrigan

[The_Varangian]

I tell zaphod beeblebrox that the cookie can improve the pan galactic gargleblaster. Instead of a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick, it would be akin to a whole lemon, wrapped around a house. Due to the nature of the infinite improbability drive, he's able to reclaim the real cookie on brontial, around 6 pages ago. He celebrates in the bar at the restaurant at the end of the universe, I steal the cookie from his comatose body, and become head of a vogon constructor fleet, riging defences of bad poetry around the cookie.

"oh cookie wookie
Thy turgid smell to me,
Doth seem like infinite cheesey feet,
To which the d...

*The Varangian status: KIA by Vogon poetry*

[Captain Corrigan]

Thanks to the quasi reciprocal and circular nature of improbability calculations, activating the infinite improbability drive causes the cookie to be replaced by a lump of vile smelling sentient swamp dirt which mysteriously screams st you on occasion. Meanwhile, having calculated exactly how improbable it was for this to happen, I am present in order to find the cookie as it marerialises. I then hide it in the disused lavatory in a darkened cellar without any disabled access, with a sign on the door saying "beware of the leopard"

My cookie.

-Corrigan

[The_Varangian]

the varangian from a parallel universe ends up there, after finding the planning permission for a new subway beneath his house and to aid in his plan of lying infront of the drill. finding the cookie, he is struck by inspiration and starts the religion of the cookie, leading humaninty into a new age of delicious food religion. eventually taking to the stars, the cookie finds itself in the hands of the clone of the original varangian, who finds he wasn't killed, just dead for tax evasion on behalf of disaster area. the cookie is now surrounded with the noise making equipment of disaster area, and thus extremely hard to retrieve. my cookie.