Welcome to Librarium Online!
I'm not sure if anyone has posted a thread for the various Warhammer jokes floating, but here are a few that are thrown about my local gaming circle:
What does Khorne send in the mail? A blood-letter.
What does a dislexic space marine sergant have? Power 'fits'.
Why do eldar love macaronni? Because they live in the Craftworld.
Why is the chaos realm so hot? Because they already have a thousand sons.
Why can't orcs use combat drugs? Because they already have speed freaks.
Why doesn't the blood angels barracks ever run out of energy? Because their battery has a
What do you get when you use a flamer on a Cadian jump troop? Cadian bacon.
What's a daemonette's favorite show? Rending Rainbow.
What happens when a plasma gun marine sees a daemonette? He gets hot.
Where do Imperial guardsmen keep their children? In the infantry.
How do orcs cook their food when they resort to canabilism? They cook it all-grotten?
What does a noise marine get when he goes to the doctor? A sonic-gram.
Where does a tech priest keep his bogers? In his 'rhi-nose'.
Why don't tyranids need a postal system? They have the 'carni-fax'.
How do necrons prepare for c.c.? They do 'mono-lifts'.
What deamon will a space wolf never kill? A flesh hound.
What do you call a tangled rope that you're not looking forward to unravalingl? A
What do you call a circus clown who is showing off his muslces? A carniflexer.
Did you hear about the orc who stole a broken tank from the imperial guard? It was a lemon
What do you call a gay horror? A flamer.
What do chaos do with a woman? They 'defile' her.
What weapon do nurglings use when they charge? The pest-u-lance.
Why don't necrons every bleed? Because they hold their wounds to their gause-weapons.
Why doesn't a lemun russ gunner need to wear clothes? Because he's always in a 'tank-top'.
Last edited by Blackhat; May 21st, 2008 at 16:49.
Spambot kill tally. . .337
Just... No, Rabbit. They are all too khorney (Corney, Get it? Ahahah!). =/
Though some were amusing.
Rork: In the dark future of the 41st millennium there is only friendship.
Fenrir: and magic.
Kaiser-: My Little Chaos Marine, Friendship is Heresy?
Of course they're bad. Can you actually think of a good joke that relates to Warhammer.
Spambot kill tally. . .337
An Inquisiter walks into a bar, suspects everyone inside of heresy, and calls down an exterminatus to 'cleanse' the planet.
Heh heh, get it? 'Cause the Inquisition suspects EVERYONE of heresy...
Yea, you can shoot me now.
Originally Posted by Brett on Quidditch[ 1500pt. Chaos List, C&C! ]
-=W: 2 -D: 0- L: 3=-
An inquisitor walks into a bar.
++POST TERMINATED BY AUTHORITY OF THE INQUISITION++
Gargrimz Green Deff
W:10 D:4 L:5
How many inquisitors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3. 1 to screw in the light bulb, one to outlaw light bulbs and one to erase all records of light bulbs having existed.
and now for one that is incredibly badly told by me cos I make it go for way too long...
A Blood Angel Commander, an Ultramarine Commander and a Cadian Commissar are having fun bragging about how brave and loyal their troops are and they decide to have a test to see who has the bravest troops. The Blood angel commander calls one of his troops and says "You! Jump into that engine!" and blood angel immediately says "Yes Sir!" and jumps into the engine and dies, creating a bloody mess. The blood angel commander says "hah! that took bravery!" The ultramarine commander says "hah! that was nothing, watch this!" and calls one of his troops and orders him to jump off the ship they are on. The ultramarine instantly says "Yes Sir!" and jumps off the ship, never to be seen again. the ultramarine commander says "hah! that took bravery" and the commissar says "hah! that was nothing, watch this!" The commissar calls on of the guardsmen in the platoon he is attached to, hands him a plasma pistol and orders him to shoot himself in the head... the guardsman shakes a little, trembles, hesitates then says "no sir, I can't do it..." the commissar says "now THAT is what I call bravery!"
Tenozuma - The Burninator... I came, I saw, I posted.Originally Posted by Aussie Bogan
Dark Eldar player.
Feel free to PM if you want any advice or help with anything.
Assume everything I say has a "what I think" disclaimer.
Hang out with all the other Aussie and NZ members at The ANZAC Clan.
Need advice, want to talk warhammer or just want a laugh? Come on LO Chat. http://www.librarium-chat.com/
I have a good mind to negative rep everyone on this thread.. including myself.
What do you call a lasgun with a laser sight?
LO RulesOriginally Posted by AnonymousOriginally Posted by Cyric
Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' bumper sticker on a Sister's rhino.
Thou shalt not honk if you see a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' bumper sticker on a Sister's rhino.
Thou shalt not use thy Lasgun to heat canned meat.
Thou shalt not use thy captain's Powerfist to open canned meat.
Orks are not 'cute'.
Thou shalt not ask a Sister if you might 'Deposit some of your geneseed'.
Thou shalt not use the phrase 'If the rhino be a-rocking, don't come a-knocking'.
Thou shalt not tip the Terminators during the battle.
Thou shalt not walk around thy Librarian thinking "Can you hear me?"
Thou shalt not pin "Burn Me" on a S.O.B's back.
Thou shalt not Deep Strike into the Sisters of Battle shower room.
Thou shalt not ask if thy can take the Titan "For a spin?"
Thou shalt not use a lasgun as a lighter.
Thou shalt not replace thy brother's bolter with a lasgun.
(Poor) Nurgling Joke (courtesy of anonymous moron)
A Space Marine was sitting in the cantine/cafeteria, and ordered a bowl of pea soup. The waiter duly delivered it, and wandered off to the next table. The Space Marine picked up his spoon but his soup began to rippled.
A small green Nurgling popped its head out of the soup and stared at the Space Marine.
"Waiter," said the Space Marine. "There appears to be a Nurgling in my soup!"
"Quiet!" hissed the waiter, "Or everyone will want one!"
What do you get if you put 10 Berzerkers in a Rhino?
"If a jobs worth doing, its worth dieing for"