Australia in a nut shell - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
    Junior Member talrasha's Avatar
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    Australia in a nut shell

    We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional
    wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
    New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
    reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.We
    are One Nation but divided into many States.

    First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
    lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
    grandfinal day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
    chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
    think.The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin
    books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney
    has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it.
    Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks
    to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
    that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an
    extrachromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the
    sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting,
    which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
    foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
    else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
    Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had
    the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula
    One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

    Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim
    to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all
    the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the
    last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in
    the government and business.

    The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep
    stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and
    dustykids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of
    anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
    content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our
    national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it
    on our wayto Bali.

    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
    document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
    that Godprobably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
    the next.Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

    Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
    and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in
    ourlust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in
    joywhen a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is
    bette rthan Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a
    politicalparty albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes
    and stil lnot win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing,
    we leavethat to our Pommy immigrants.

    We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
    mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
    (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We
    love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing
    race and still tell us who's winning.

    And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
    cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up
    and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and
    the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can
    a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only
    in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or
    cameras but chain the pens to the desk.

    Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
    pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed
    minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

    I am, you are, we are Australian!

    P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our national crest, no
    other country has that distinction, thats topps!


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  3. #2
    Member Bane's Avatar
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    Yeah...

  4. #3
    I Expect the Inquisition RecklessFable's Avatar
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    That is silly, Australia is too big to fit into a nutshell...
    RecklessFable's Journey to Mediocrity (Painting an IG army)
    I've been addicted to World of Tanks lately and neglecting my IG... But it is so... much... fun!

  5. #4
    Dawn Under Heaven Triumph Of Man's Avatar
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    Nice, you should quote your references though. I Googled it and it's everywhere.


    Karmoon
    ... only triumph could turn pooing his pants into a good thing..

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