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One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. "What's wrong with you?" said the priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"
"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."
"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."
"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & warmth and with a good night's sleep would wake up a boy once again."
"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11 year old Choir boy beside him in bed ...
"And that your Honour is the case for the Defence ..."
Last edited by Ryu_ookami; June 2nd, 2007 at 15:32.
This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesse. This is a recorded message..."
PLEASE NOTE THE FOLLOWING TECHNICAL PROBLEM - ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH DOGS............
It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signalled without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The British Telecom repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again.
The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
a. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar in the lady's garden.
b. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current.
c. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the ground..
d. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring..
Which shows you that some problems can be fixed by just urinating on them. (But only temporarily..)
A girl comes home from school...
"Mummy, today we did counting at school and all the other kids could only count up to five but I could count to ten! Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"Yes, darling. It's because you're blonde."
The girl comes home from school the following day...
"Mummy! Guess what? Today we were doing the alphabet and all the other kids could only go as far as 'g' but I went as far as 'm'. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blonde."
The girl comes home the day after that....
"Mummy, today we were doing gym and all the other girls had flat chests, but I had these....", the girl pulls up her top to reveal a stunning set of 36D breasts....
"Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No, dear. It's because you're 25."
A man goes to see Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion of Christ, and is inspired to take his family to Israel to see the places where Jesus lived and died.
While on vacation, his mother-in-law dies. An undertaker in Tel Aviv explains that they can ship the body home to Wisconsin at a cost of $10,000 or the mother-in-law could be buried in Israel for US $500.
The man says, "We'll ship her home."
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."
The man says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."