Welcome to Librarium Online!
These are genuine clips from British Council flat tenants complaining
Council about problems with their flats.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
take it anymore.
It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in his back passage
And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third
so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but still I
have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't
my stomach hurts from laughing!
Apathy is the greatest enemy of all.
HAHA. You know that man knew what he was saying.Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
I remember these, they have been a round for a while but they crack me up every time.
<span style='color:red'>"Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion"
"Errr do you mean run away?"
"Thats the one"</span>
"Oh man, look at that."
"Over there, by that river of boiling souls."
"Well I'll be damned... it's a Starbucks."
<a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
<a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>