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i pulled this from another site and i found it fantastic at the time enjoy.....
. In a 1500 point game, pull out a 2000 point army and claim its only 1500.
2. Put a name tag on every single one of your troops, as you move say (ex> "ok bob. Move here and kill him")
3. Put sisters of battle heads on some of your units and put them off to the side. Claim that they're cheerleaders
4. Instead of rolling the dice to see what number you get, roll them at enemy units and if you hit one cheer and claim you killed it.
5. Make your terrain a checker/chess board.
6. Halfway through the game claim you miniatures are tired and need a rest.
7. Field a teddy bear and claim its stats are all 10 (except save, which is 1)
8. Throw a dice at your opponent?s forehead. Wait for him to complain and say what you got on the dice. (Ex>"ow! what the hell did you do that for!?" "I GOT A 5!!!")
9. When the opponent wants to start the game, just stare at him.
10. Bring cheerleaders to cheer you on (ex> go bob go! you can do it! whoop those orks! give me a B! B! Give me an O! O! Etc... Etc...)
11. Start crying & trying to resuscitate any of your models that die. Then Place them back on the table and say that they where saved.
12. Paint your army pink. This would scare your opponent to death and make him run away. Making you the winner
13. Keep rolling the dice...
When your opponent tells you it?s his turn,
Point to an empty space on the table and tell him your Stealth Teams haven't fired yet. Immediately following this, speak over your shoulder to an imaginary friend...
"This guy thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes!"
14. Place a shoe on the table, say it?s the new tau Great White, and say its amour is 25, 25, 25. Then once a turn use it to smack your opponents models into the ground under its heel LOL (?NOW THAT?S WHAT I CALL A VDR TANK!!!
15. When your opponent declares assault phase, U start a fist fight with his fav model. And then give him back the model piece by piece and say "He Was Picking on me!!!"
16. When your opponent least expects it...Turn off the lights!
Start flashing around two laser pointers and surreptitiously knocking his models down...When you turn the lights back on, make a sound like a rooster at dawn and say:
"You see, the planet this board represents takes 20 Terran Standard Minutes to rotate completely on its axis...
Fortunate my guys where packing Black-Sun filters and plenty of marker lights, eh?
You really should pay more attention to your astro-physics!"
17. Address your troops by their full names.
18. Address his troops by their full names.
19. Demand to swap table sides at half time.
20. When it's his turn, stand behind him and every time he does something, breath in through your teeth and say "I wouldn't do that if I were you".
21. Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a cane. Say your blind. Be sure to win and when you do jump around the room saying "I WON! HA HA! You lost to a blind guy!
22. Claim you commander is having a bad day and that winning would really cheer him up.
23. After every turn hold a funeral for the casualties including prayer and speech.
24. Scream, " HEY BATTER BATTER-BATTER-BATTER-BATTER- SWWWWING-SWING-BATTER!" Before every single one of the opponents rolls.
25. Try to place killed models back on the table and when your opponent comments say you did no such thing.
26. Every time your opponent moves, shoots, or assaults, laugh. Laugh so hard he thinks he did something stupid so that he reconsiders.
27. Hover over your opponents shoulder every time it?s his turn. Whisper suicidal strategies.
28. One by one start pocketing dice. Do it discreetly. Eventually, your opponent catches on, and then you can laugh at him.
29. Live yourselves in into the game: make shooting noises when shooting, noises of fight when in close combat and noises when you move your vehicles
Pchieeeuw, Bang Bong, Clang Ding, AAAARGH, Swieee, RRRRRRRRRT, Bong, Bong Bong Bong ....
30. When fielding you Tau force, spray and splash on enough cologne to K.O. a skunk...
When your fellow gamers make disgusted faces and pinch their noses,
Claim you are releasing pheromones to inspire your troops!
31. Measure everything with a 5'' measurer being very 'free' when replacing your measurer.
32. Have a 'lucky die' and use only that die! And before throwing it whisper encouraging words to it and kiss it a lot
33. Point out that as your opponents land raider has been sitting still so long - that it now has a parking ticket and half his army has to go to court to argue about it!!!
34. Spring-load tiny foam darts onto all your Pulse Rifles. Get an elastic-band-and-folded-paper catapult and load it into the barrel of your railguns. Have fun.
35. 'Convert' all your models by wrapping them in wads of bright pink silly-putty and insist his troops have to scream 'I am not a number' before they can move or assault...
36. Take a large box with you into battle. If you've got big feet, a shoebox will do nicely. Every time you have a reserve roll, stroke the box, grin and say prophetically, "It's coming..."
37. Speak only in haiku form.
38. Never look directly at your opponent, whenever you would, instead just look slightly to one side of his face, or over his shoulder.
39. Call him 'Sarah' all the time. Seem confused when he brings it up.
40. Halfway through the match, leave everything, say nothing and just go. Take a daytrip to France or something. Have a great day out. Then go back, pick up the dice and ask where you were.
41. Carry an "8-ball". You know, the ones you shake and you get an "answer"? Well before the match starts, shake it. Ask it if you will win. Depending on the results, claim you won or you lost.
42. You know those finger skateboards? Well instead of putting them on those recommended bases, put them on skate boards... (That would be kind of funny. LOL, skateboarding ethereals...)
43. Place spikes around the bases of your FWs and say that any unit that charges them gets skewered with a S7 AP1 hit.
44. Get a friend to call your opponent on a phone and while he?s gone, pick off 1 or 2 units at a time from his army. If he notices, say they are collateral that he can have back if he pays you $20.
45. Place firecrackers on some cheap kroot and claim they are suicide bombers. Send them up to your enemy's men then light them up, hopefully damaging a few of his models with molten plastic. (I actually used to do this. When I would win a Tourney or a big game, I would buy one of my opponents plastic units and blow it up to show him whose boss. Also, blowtorches are fun.)
46. Place outriggers on your devilfish, widening the prow width, then ram him into your enemies? forces to inflict some major tank shock. If he thinks your cheating, make some insult about his "prow width" and the shock it causes you. Sorry, did I say that?
47. Bring a CD player and some really annoying CDs.
48. Take about 1 minute to roll one die, and claim it?s for good luck
49. Give all of your miniatures banners and paint a "tinki winki" on them. (tinki winki is a telatubby... I think. a very scary sight. you shall give you opponent a heart attack)
50. every time you kill a model, smash it with a hammer. your opponent will object. laugh.
51. Put some spare kroot rifles or dark eldar bits on your opponent?s chair when he's not looking. See if he notices.
52.Stuff all your kroot in 3"squared forest area and claim the entire squad gets a 4+ cover save.
53. Whip your opponent right up the butt with the measurement sticks supplied by GW when he bends over to move his men. (Those things hurt!
54. Add a really strong unit from another type of army (Vindicare, Wraithlord, Land raider, etc.) and say that they're mercenaries.
55. Get bottle caps to be your guys and say buds are fire warriors or labats are stealth?s but don't tell them which is which.
56. If you like country music bring 20 CD and a boom box and play them during the game.
57. give a shas'ui a shield generator and say it covers the whole squad.
58: stuff your entire army into one transport, pray you get priority.. then move them in, and deploy your entire army. if you opponent asks, say it a special transport.
59. paint "just married" (sp?) on the back of one of your tanks... (not annoying, but just funny)
60. glue a Barney doll thing (purple stupid puppet thingamabob critter on TV..) to a battle suit base and say its a battle suit... now if my theory is correct, your opponent will surrender immediately at the site of the purple Dino thing?
61. Every time a model is killed begin to weep and say something like "alas poor Binky I knew him well"
62. Before the game hide in the corner of the room and rock backwards and forward if your opponent asks what you are doing say you are afraid of his big guns (if Tyranids or orks big talons/choppas)
63. Every time u kill a model get a pop gun and shoot it off the board make sure there are no pets around
64. If you are main HQ dies pretend to faint
65. Bfore the game ask who you are where you are and what game you are about to play when you are opponent says Warhammer put a big cheesy grin and hit him on the head with a inflatable mallet.
66. When it?s your turn, just stare at your opponent. When he says it?s your turn, stare at him with an evil look. When he says something like "Don?t try to be funny" or "stop that", stop staring, furiously step to his side of the table, and in one sweep make all his units fall to the ground shouting "Do you always have to be so angry at me!!!!!!" (if you wear shoes, jump on his models...)
67. Whenever you take a casualty, give it a proper funeral.
68. verbally command your units. example: "YOU THERE! move in for the assault! show them you?re powerful.. powerful fist thing...NOW! are you disobeying me!? do as I say!! that?s insubordination!" *smack your model off the board, and continue playing as if nothing happened*
69: stroke your favorite miniature (or your opponents mini) and mumble "he?s my friend... I like him... he likes me"
70: secretly sneak in a "Sauron" miniature. (a LOTR character, for those of you who don?t know.)
71: use "inquisitor" sized miniatures.
72: speak in "Orkish". (you know. : wes beaten up da umans good! waaagh!!!
(make sure to say "waaagh" after every sentence)
73: at the end of the mission yell "WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!" really loud. despite whether you play orks or whether you've won or lost.
74. Demand your opponent remove half his army to bring it within the points limit. When he insists that he's within the limit burst into tears and ask if he knows what it's like to be lied to.
75. Demand to know the color of every one of his units' underwear. If he's playing an army that doesn't have any (e.g. Nids) refuse to continue until they're decently covered. Demand they be WYSIWYG.
76. Every time you kill an enemy model, do a funky dance on the table. Insist that spectators join in and then tell your opponent that the people are with you
77. Detect your opponent?s psychic aura and use it (loudly and obnoxiously) to your advantage.
78. Scream that your opponent is cheating by reading your psychic aura and demand he be blindfolded for the remainder of the game.
79. Haggle over every dice result.
80. Take a spare Ethereal model with you. Pray to it in a long ceremony at the beginning of every turn.
81. Lick each and every one of your figures before you move or fire. Explain that it's for luck.
82. Hide under the table humming the theme from Mission: Impossible during your opponents turn. Explain that you're "getting into the role" of your Stealth suits. Ensure that you have no stealth suits on the board. If he points this out, cry and ask where he hid them.
83. Measure the Pulse Rifle against your opponent's guns. S(I AM A RACIST SCUMBAG) suggestively and for the remainder of the game make comments about his 'inadequacies' compared to the Tau.
84. Bring A modeling Knife with you when you play if a unit misses an important target cut some of him off and when your opponent asks say it's punishment.
85. Ditto above with the exception of= when a model dies cut off a part of him and when your opponent asks say it's his battle scars.
86. at the end of the battle, stand on the table and shout "HE IS A CHEATER!" or something like that. (funnier if you two are the only ones in the room)
87. Whenever you have troops insist on singing the star trek battle music. You know the one when Spock and Kirk fight to the death... Dodododododododododododo...
88. Paint your stealth suits obnoxiously bright colors and give them signs that say "Fear me for I am invisible!"
89. bring a Styrofoam grave-yard (fully decorated) for your soldiers. Paint the foam that comes in blisters brown and use it to cover them, use WFB gravestones and put names for a bunch of the different soldiers
90. put a hammer on the table and convince your opponent that is to ensure loyalty in your ranks.
91. point out a random unit in your army claim he is a traitor have our troops surround him and spend half an hour interrogating him.
92. Remove both sides? casualties with a paintball gun
93. begin all battles with the Canadian national anthem
94. claim all the models in your army are women dressed up as men so thy wouldn?t be kicked out of the army
95. claim your army is comprised of auxiliaries (means nothing to the game) and argue with your opponent about there special power.
96. Deploy your army so that all your models' weapons are pointed straight at the commander. If your opponent asks, say that it?s a remake of 'The Mutiny on the Bounty'.
97. Hire someone to chuck dice at your opponent's models.
98. When your opponent says something such as 'I need 3's to hit' or anything like that immediately (sp?) reply with a quick 'no' or 'nope'. When he takes out the rulebook to prove it, take the book and run out the door screaming "YOU CAN KILL MY FIRE WARRIORS, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!" *or something equally random*
99. Begin having conversations with your models, for example, you could ask about their families or something. When asked what you are doing say "I'm keeping up the morale" then when you take your next LD test, say the LD is 12 because of all your moral improving.
100. If you know your opponent has to leave at a certain time, roll every single dice one at a time, and then stare at him or her. when the time comes that he has to leave, and the game isn't over, scream in a foreign accent 'HAHA, YE FOOL MUST FLEE, I AM VICTORIOUS!!!' then begin a random dance.
101. before each turn put the dice in your pants and when he asks, just tell him that you have always taken the tern "love the dice" far too literally
102. bring your dog and claim that he is a special character, then when it eats his models, just say its the "swallow whole" rule
103. ask for scatter dice even though u never need them
104. Hold individual 5-minute prayer services for each casualty. For Shas'os or Shas'els make the services 10 minutes.
105: Speak gobbledygook to your opponent. When he says "What?" claim it's Tau and he should understand because you learned it in school
106. flock some bases and put them on the table an say their stealth suits in stealth mode.
107. Before the battle starts Set a HUGE box of Kleenex next to him and look at him and tell him in a sad voice "Trust me after this is over, you will need these". And if he says anything about that Pull a pack of Depends out of your bag, slap them on the table and say " Oh yeah, sorry, you'll need these too."
108. Bring a hammer and set it on the table. If your opponent asks, say it?s your back-up plan.
109. When he is not looking, replace some of his models with some of yours of the same type. EX: if he plays tau, replace his broadside with your broadside.
110. When he is not looking, replace some of his models with some of yours of a slightly different type EX: if he plays Marines, replace his dreadnaught with a Chaos dreadnaught!
111. Play tyranids. Then almost all the time, especially when he's concentrating on his next move, just stare at him and mumble "must..........feed........grrrrrr" in a tyranid-similar voice. Then lick your mouth and maybe search through your bag in a savage manner for a beef *****y and start tearing the *****y with your teeth and stare at your opponent.
112. Stroke your Hive Tyrant model and mumble "Not long now...............they will all be consumed sooner or later.......heh heh heh...."
113. Similarly, stroke your favorite model on the table and say "they is not taking you away..............my precious............myyyy preciousssssss." Do this with a hunched back. (or even with oversized eyes and almost no hair at all.)
114. whenever a drone or a vehicle or something similar gets destroyed, put it back on, saying it got repaired on its warranty
115. Have a friend stand around during the game. He wispers in your ear before every move and every shot. Your opponent wont know who he is playing against.
116 - have a stero with a cd that has different music for different situation. ie
"jaws music when u start to move a big unit"
"flying purple people eater when tyranids are on the table"
"Bad to the bone when you win an assault"
"we are the champion when you win"
if the songs are correctly u will be able to ***** anyone off
117. tell your opponent that violence is wrong and the game should be stopped now, and they could come to some kind of agreement instead.
118. claim that it's your commander's birthday and ask your opponent if he could please not kill him because that would really ruin his birthday
119. in the middle of a battle, tip the table over and say that it's an earthquake
120. say theres a thunderstorm, then use an electrial current to melt your opponent's models (only works on plastic), saying they got struck by lightning
121. charge with 30 ork slugga boys, warboss and 2 dreadnoughts, then roll all your dice one at a time. by the time you finish, your opponent will have died of old age, making you the winner.
122. pretend to move troops that arent really there, and say they're stealth suits
123. Get the new plastic cadians, but paint them like UN people, with the little blue helmets and everything! randomlt deploy them on the table of OTHER PEOPLE'S gamed and claim thet you are there to break it up.
124. Build an army made entirely of things from other armies and say theyre mercenaries
e.g. chaos champion, farseer, grey knight terminators, dreadnought, an assasin, wraithlord, grey knights, IG infantry platoons (theres like 40 guys in 1 troops choice!, blood angels assault squad, landraider, titans, broadsides, etc
125. Take a whiskey shot, scalpel and bandages, arrange all your army around you and being to perform a Ta'lissera, ripping your shirt off, recieting the oath and slicing into your chest with the scalpel. (the whiskey is the substitute for Ky'husa)
If it doesnt annoy him it'll freak him out
126. When playing against Space Marines/Imperial Guard/Sisters of battle, make a little diorama of Shas'ui tearing open the golden throne and ripping the emperor above.
127. Every time your opponent fails to wound you, or you make an armor save, do the little bullet-bounces-off me thing with your finger, and yell "PING!" or "KAPWING!"
128. Surreptitiously use green stuff and a modelling knife to drastically alter his models' bust sizes while he's not looking.
129. Give every model of yours a very very giant...thing...with green stuff. Whenever your opponent asks about it, just say "Jealous, are we?"
130. Pace back and forth while he is taking his turn...back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
131. Bring a brush and some paint to the battle, and while he isn't looking, put streaks of liche purple across his most prized painted figures (HQ, etc.) if they're already liche purple, use bleached bone.
132. Base your entire army with white. Give them dalmation spots.
133. Use a flashlight every time you use a marker light.
134. Field and army of NOTHING but fire warriors, have them all charge for no reason directly at the closest enemy. You'll probably lose, but the randomness will ***** off your opponent.
135. Don't glue any guns to your fire warriors. When your opponent asks what weapons they have, say they're all Rail Rifles. Stubbornly persist with this.
136. Every time you walk through jungle terrain, yell "KYEEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!!!!!"
137. Employ the "KYEEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!!!!!" tactic any time during the battle.
138. At the beginning of your shooting phase, play with your ordnance template (move it between your fingers, flip it, etc.) and chuckle menacingly. Even if you have nothing that uses an ordnance template.
139. Whenever your opponent says anything, repeat it back to him, only say "YOUR MAMA(does whatever he said)"
140. When fighting orks, every time they move their grotz, sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
141. Convert some Tau to ride space marine bikes. Put other random conversions using vehicles/bikes/ heavy weapons from other armies. When questioned about these, yell "BECAUSE I CAN!!!" Then lapse into an uncomfortable silence for the next 5 minutes.
142. Whenever your opponent declares an assault against you, yell "I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LLAALAALAALAALAAAAA!" Run around in a circle with your hands over your ears while you're yelling this.
143. Speak in l337 speak. say every letter. e.g. \/\/h0|23 = "forward slash, back slash, forward slash, back slash, h, zero, absolute value bar, two, three!"
144. At the beginning of your turn, yell "This looks like a job for superman!" but the catch is, wear a superman suit. hahahaha.
145. Charge with 20 Kroot (inc. Shaper), 8 Kroot Hounds and 3 Krootox. Then insist on rolling all your dice one at a time
146. In the middle of a turn, randomly start singing "I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY! I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAAAAAAYYYYYY!" Force your friends/fans/supporters/minions to join in with you.
147. Turn 2: Take every single one of your models off the board. Put them up. Leave. Don't come back. Never say a word while doing this.
148. Insist on racing one of his vehicles with one of your own. No shooting. Just moving.
149. (I actually did this one) Say one of your weak units kills a powerful character. (In my case, a lone Cadian killed Abadon the Despoiler over 5 turns). Pick the model up off the table, yell "IN YOUR FACE!" and run victory laps around your gaming area.
150. Then, after you run the victory laps, take the model, make a diorama of him killing the character (Mine is the Cadian standing over Abadon with his bayonet plunged into him) and, for the background, make an Imperial-like piece of parchment out of green stuff and paint on it in black what happened and how he killed him.
151. Every time your opponent takes a shot, even if it is completely open and not hull-down, tell your opponent you don't think he sees enough of your vehicle/ is in range/ whatever and tell him you'll be nice enough to give him the shot on a 4+. When he complains about this, mumble something to the effect of "stupid humans don't understand human technology"
152. Wear a giant sombrero to the game.
153. Put the sombrero on the ground and do the Mexican hat dance around it.
154. Get the Mexican hat dance stuck in your opponents head.
155. To heighten the effect, keep on humming the Mexican hat dance until your opponent gouges out his eyes Oedipus-style.
156. Be an Ork player. Where I play, EVERYONE hates Ork players. Because of an Ork player, we can't paint up at our gaming store/club any more!
157. Being said Ork player, field a 3000 point army of NOTHING but Grotz, zapguns, looted vehicles w/ grot riggerz, etc.
158. Dip your opponent's plastic models in acetone and watch the lawsuits begin!!!
159. Play Space Marines. Field NOTHING but troops squads. and i mean NOTHING. (except HQ of course) Include lascanons plasma cannons, mount them all in razorbacks, and be el Cheezo Grande
160. Eat Doritos. Not only does the crunching annoy him, but if you stand close enough to your opponent, he can smell the Doritos on your breath. uggh
spambot kill tally: 79
[16:19] <@Alzer> Arky's right though
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> I know he is.
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> He usually is.
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> Sometimes it's intentional.
[00:01] <+zubus> i love you, ya skirt wearin nothern monkey! ^_^
Hilarious! Great! Especially numbers; 36, 27, and 129
You cannot win, for to fight us is to give us power.
During a tourament, there was this one Ork player with a bucket. Inside the bucket were 300 grots. He then proceeded to beat everyone until he met the guy with 160 space marines.157. Being said Ork player, field a 3000 point army of NOTHING but Grotz, zapguns, looted vehicles w/ grot riggerz, etc.
Hive Fleet Furi Kuri 32/21/4
Tomb Kings: 8/5/2
Im in ur Halo, killin ur covernantz
To add to # 36 the unit you hold into reserve should be a single infantry man. The thing that is "Coming" is really a single imperial guardsmen.
"Everyone should try arrogance, it's absolutely wonderful. You can go out, do whatever you want, and go home. And the best part is, no matter what you do, or how much you ***** everything up, nothing's ever your fault because 'thou art god'."
-Bernard M. Smith, the <u>real</u> Michael Smith and modern day Petronius
hehe If I get the mexican hat dance stuck in his head I would get it stuck in mine... thats real havoc....
Theses are some really crazy ideas... I wouldn't do 75% OF them at all....
COme on, how can I cut off someone's models or paint them??? YEa thats a way not to make friends...
"There is no middle ground. Strike Hard, strike fast and strike first."
oh man , thats was a good read ! long ! how long did it take you to write that ! lol
AE-86 Twin cam corolla . a beaut !
<a href='http://www.freewebs.com/imperator-judicium' target='_blank'>Please visit my website . Imperator -=][=- Judicium .</a>
<a href='http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Mojo.jojo' target='_blank'>LOL ! this is one of the funiest videos ive ever seen !</a>
join the librarium-online dawn of war clan <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/librarium/' target='_blank'>HERE</a>
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oh man , thats was a good read ! long ! how long did it take you to write that ! lolI think he copied it. (copy, paste )i pulled this from another site and i found it fantastic at the time enjoy.....
You cannot win, for to fight us is to give us power.
i tried number 45, 27, 65, 104, and 21. man those things work really well!
give me 1000 men crazy enough to conquer hell, and we will do it
consider the predator
let your soul be armoured with faith driven on the tracks of
obdience which will overcome all obstacles
and armed with the great guns of zeal, duty, and purity
You actually did 25?!? :lol:
You cannot win, for to fight us is to give us power.
i once wrote a 750pt list of this. it had 6 squods of 30 grots a warboss in mage armour and big gun battery. there was 200 troops in it.Being said Ork player, field a 3000 point army of NOTHING but Grotz, zapguns, looted vehicles w/ grot riggerz, etc
<img src='http://www3.telus.net/naran/blackadder/images/BA1adder.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>From now on i shell be known as the black vegetable</span>