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A group of sisters of battle(aka bolter bitches) are being taken to an imperial base after a mission.
The Pilot comes on over the intercom to tell the sisters that tehy will be landing in a few minutes. He forgets to to turn of the intercom.
The co-pilot asks, "what are you going to do, back down at base?"
The pilot replies, "Well, first, im going to take *****, all those days space. but hey, you know that pretty sergeant we got back there? Well i going to wine her and dine her and show her some things they dont teach you in the training manual, eh"
the intercom has been on the whole time.
On hearing this the sisters of battle sergeant jumps up and runs to the door intent on beatin the crap out of the pilot, instead she, trips on a loose peice of equipment. A newbie SoB sees this and says, "hang on searge, he has to take a ***** first...
A Space Wolf, A blood Angel and a Drk Angel are all sitting at a bar. They all order a beer. The Dark angel looks into his beer and sees a fly. He wails "The emperor has forsaken me for my brothers mistake, I must repent" He huffs out of the bar, pulling his robes tighter.
The blood angel looks down and also sees a fly. He mutters something, then, his face glazes over and he proceeds to shred the bar to peices, throwing tables and the like.
The Space wolf also looks down to see a fly in his beer. using his magnified vision, he zoom sin on the fly. Suddenly he growls "I saw that, i saw it, spit it out you little yellow bellied rascal"
A sergeant is talking to his squad about the horrors he has faced. Orks, nids, Choas.
A little while later he is talking to one of the new recruits. He says "out of all the oponents i have ever faced, orks are the hardest to beat. Execpt grots. Listen sunny, if you are ever facing the green bastards, and you wepon fails, just make your hand like a gun, point and say in a loud clear voice "BANG", because they know hen they hear that sound there going to die anyway, so they just die to save themselves the pain.
Sure enough about 2 months later, at the second battle for armageddon, they young gaurdsman encouteres some grots, when, sure enough his weapon fails. He reember the seargents words, and makes his hand like a gun and starts shouting "BANG, BANG, BANG". To his amazement grots all around start to die. He keeps going. More and more dide, he just cant believe it.
Finally there was one grot left. he just couldnt make it die. He shouted LOUDER and LOUDER. Suddenly he stopped and all he could hear was a little high pitched voice shouting " A TANK, A TANK" suddnly he felt a HUGE force wipe over his body as the grot made impact. That was the last thing he ever saw.
Hope you liked them.
A wise man once said: Blow me @$$wipe :lol:
Nice- think i've heard the second one before though..yesterday in fact.
Psychic-Construct of the Codex necromancers design team
Books of the Imperium;
29. Thou shalt not use they bolter to kill bees.
74. Thy shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
yeah, thery are pertty common, i just havnt seen them posted here, so i thougt i would.
What do Sisters of Battle say after making love?
"Are you boys all in the same platoon?"
And just for the hell of it, some Q and A
Q: How many space marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100, one to screw it in and 99 to praise the Emperor.
Q: How many Guardsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, their lasguns work fine.
Q: How many Wraithlords does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, if you use THREE, we will all claim it is beardy.
Q: How many inquisitors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to outlaw lightbulbs, and one to deny the existence of lightbulbs.
Q: How many Tau does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't screw them in. Their helmets are equipped with infra-red, heat and motion scanners along with camera linked to their drones which means they have to do no work at all themselves.
Q: How many Squats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh, wait. GW doesn't support them any more.
Q: How many Forgeworld light bulbs does it take to light a room?
A: Just one, but it is a deluxe halogen bulb at 250 watts and costs $87.
enough from me
Btw i found ALL of these on the internet and take no claim that they are my own.
A wise man once said: Blow me @$$wipe :lol:
favorite one is the second one
give me 1000 men crazy enough to conquer hell, and we will do it
consider the predator
let your soul be armoured with faith driven on the tracks of
obdience which will overcome all obstacles
and armed with the great guns of zeal, duty, and purity
Dunno if you've heard this one.
Q: How many slaanesh cultists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Well two obviously, but don't ask me how they got in there!
Ah, all these old jokes, I must have seen or heard them circulate too many times now.
I kill two dwarves in the morning, I kill two dwarves at night. I kill two dwarves in the afternoon, and then I feel allright. I kill two dwarves in time of peace, and two in time of war. I kill two dwarves before I kill two dwarves, and then I kill two more.
Goblin kroozade of revengyness: win:19 draw:10 loss:9
these all come from grim stalkers imperial guard site
we're not running, we're attacking in another direction!
-Call Of Duty 2