Christmas Carrolls - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Keeper of Records and Ale King Ulrik Flamebeard's Avatar
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    1372 (x8)

    These were taken from an IRC chat, from the #Ulthuan channel (which has Druchii in it as their site broke). It just seemed fitting.

    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> and a big Black Crusade
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> What tidings I give
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> have killed off your kin
    [19:36] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> and a big Black Crusade
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> and a big Black Crusade
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> Corruption for you
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> now give me your kin
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> I wish you a merry heresy
    [19:37] <+Silas_Cova> and death from within

    [19:38] <+Silas_Cova> I&#39;m dreaming of a Black Crusade
    [19:39] <+Silas_Cova> just like the corruptions i used to know
    [19:39] <+Silas_Cova> where the Imperium weakens
    [19:39] <+Silas_Cova> and the Astartes listen
    [19:39] <+Silas_Cova> to hear the Squats die of in the galactic core
    [19:39] <+Silas_Cova> I&#39;m dreaming of a Black Crusade
    [19:40] <+Silas_Cova> with every mortal life that i enslave
    [19:40] <+Silas_Cova> may your fate be long and gristly
    [19:40] <+Silas_Cova> and may all your Black Crusades bring pain
    [19:40] <+Silas_Cova> I&#39;m dreaming of a Black Crusade
    [19:40] <+Silas_Cova> with every world that I send into revolt
    [19:41] <+Silas_Cova> May you be shown no mercy in life
    [19:41] <+Silas_Cova> and may your quaking body bleed white...

    [19:43] <+Silas_Cova> &#39;Twas the night before Christmas
    [19:43] <+Silas_Cova> and throughout the Old World
    [19:43] <+Silas_Cova> The armies were camped and their banners were furled
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> The clamour of battle had finally ceased
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> All races observing a Christmas time peace
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> Each force in its barracks, each fleet in its haven
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> No creature was stirring, not even a Skaven
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> The dreams of the elf-lords were distant and deep;
    [19:44] <+Silas_Cova> The Orcs lay in rows, snoring "WAAAGGH" in their sleep
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> Your humble narrator had blown out the light,
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> Set the brushes to rinse and turned in for the night,
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> And, stealing back blankets usurped by my love,
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> I was just dozing off...when I heard from above
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> Such a clatter of hooves&#33; Were we under attack?
    [19:45] <+Silas_Cova> Our rooftop assaulted by Arkhan the Black?
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> I dashed to the kitchen in nightshirt and cap
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> I dashed to the kitchen in nightshirt and cap
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> And loaded my crossbow in case of a scrap
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> But who should pop out of the fireplace flue?
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> Old Santa himself&#33; With a bulging sack too&#33;
    [19:46] <+Silas_Cova> He shook himself off and went under the tree,
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> To set out some gifts for my lady and me
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> He spun round to face me (which gave me a fright)
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> And said "You two were last on my list for tonight,
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> "In your world, that is. But I&#39;ve work yet to do...
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> "There are other realms out there that need Christmas, too&#33;"
    [19:47] <+Silas_Cova> And he pulled out more gifts, moving faster than light:
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "I must get these sent out through the kingdoms tonight&#33;
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "A hatchet for Morglum that sings as it hews;
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "A reinforced hat rack for Teclis to use;
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "A cape for Karl Franz with a griffon-fur trim,
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "A mustachio wax kit for Volkmar the Grim,
    [19:48] <+Silas_Cova> "A new cloak for Mannfred, all lined in red satin,
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> "A scabbard for Heinrich with etched words in Latin,
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> "A chew-toy for Scyla; for Arbaal a book
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> "(To write down the names of the heroes he&#39;s cooked),
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> "A tankard for Thorgrim, brim-full of good beer....
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> And the Witch-King gets coal. For the six thousandth year."
    [19:49] <+Silas_Cova> And then, to my shock, he knelt down on the floor
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> Near a mouse hole I just hadn&#39;t noticed before
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> And he squeezed in some boxes, all wrapped with great care;
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> Then Saint Nick hollered out, "Merry Christmas down there&#33;"
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> "I&#39;m sending down presents for all of your folk;
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> "A new knife for Sniktch and some mouthwash for Skrolk,
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> "A wrench set for Ikit, a mirror for Queek
    [19:50] <+Silas_Cova> "And a snuffbox for;re welcome&#33; Neek Neek&#33;"
    [19:51] <+Silas_Cova> His labours now done, Santa went on his way
    [19:51] <+Silas_Cova> He rose up the chimney and boarded his sleigh
    [19:51] <+Silas_Cova> He snatched up the reins, oh so jolly and spry
    [19:51] <+Silas_Cova> Then he called to his team, and the reindeer flew high
    [19:51] <+Silas_Cova> But I heard him exclaim as he clove through the blue
    [19:52] <+Silas_Cova> "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT&#33;"

    [19:53] <+Silas_Cova> For 40k fans;
    [19:53] <+Silas_Cova> &#39;Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
    [19:53] <+Silas_Cova> All there was clear, there was no abomination
    [19:54] <+Silas_Cova> My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
    [19:54] <+Silas_Cova> On the chance that I was to need it that night
    [19:54] <+Silas_Cova> The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds
    [19:54] <+Silas_Cova> all the tanks were safe, secure in their sheds
    [19:54] <+Silas_Cova> Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall
    [19:55] <+Silas_Cova> assured me that the bastion never would fall
    [19:55] <+Silas_Cova> when out in the yard there arose such discord
    [19:55] <+Silas_Cova> I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword
    [19:55] <+Silas_Cova> Away to the window, I ran to take aim
    [19:55] <+Silas_Cova> as the marines around me all did the same
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> my bionic eye turned night into day
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> allowed me to see and to seek out my prey
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> When what did my loyalist ocular show,
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
    [19:56] <+Silas_Cova> And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled
    [19:57] <+Silas_Cova> The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
    [19:57] <+Silas_Cova> Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne
    [19:57] <+Silas_Cova> I gestured for the others to shoot without pause,
    [19:57] <+Silas_Cova> For I was now certain this was Santa Claus
    [19:57] <+Silas_Cova> "Fire Marines&#33; Fire Guardsmen&#33; Fire Ogryn&#39;s and Ratlings&#33;
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> Fire bolters&#33; Fire lasguns&#33; Fire mortars and gatlings&#33;"
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> "You in the courtyard and you men on the walls&#33;
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> Now blast away&#33; Blast away&#33; Blast away all&#33;"
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw&#33;
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof
    [19:58] <+Silas_Cova> Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> Charged into battle with my brave Space Marines
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
    [19:59] <+Silas_Cova> He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> As they arced through the air at me and my troops
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
    [200] <+Silas_Cova> They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> For each box contained a chaotic present -
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> The marines (@#%&#036; their souls), found them quite pleasant
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> It moved through the station and left in its wake,
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake
    [201] <+Silas_Cova> The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> For to me it gave only a small pile of coal
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> The station was lost, I could only instruct
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> The bastion computer to set self-destruct
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> The target escaping, quite safe in his sled
    [202] <+Silas_Cova> I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,


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  3. #2
    Senior Member Carcaroth's Avatar
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    Sis Mel's closet
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    hahaha those are pretty good, really liked the last one.
    Wir Werden Vorherrschen&#33;

    &quot;I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.&quot;

  4. #3
    Senior Member Ascension's Avatar
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    Hmm, I think I&#39;ve seen these somewhere before...
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>[Subliminal message] I AM KING [/Subliminal message]</span>

  5. #4
    Senior Member ugluk-bludeth's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    those were great&#33; seeing how my wife has been playing christmas music since early november :realmad: its a great break..
    wWWwwAaaaAAgggGGGhHHHhhh!!!! = DeAth

  6. #5
    Senior Member Colonel_Kraken's Avatar
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    You just know it&#39;s christmas...
    I kill two dwarves in the morning, I kill two dwarves at night. I kill two dwarves in the afternoon, and then I feel allright. I kill two dwarves in time of peace, and two in time of war. I kill two dwarves before I kill two dwarves, and then I kill two more.

    Goblin kroozade of revengyness: win:19 draw:10 loss:9

  7. #6
    Senior Member mojo jojo's Avatar
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    bloody hell &#33; i wish carols were really like that
    AE-86 Twin cam corolla . a beaut &#33;

    <a href='' target='_blank'>Please visit my website . Imperator -=][=- Judicium .</a>

    <a href='' target='_blank'>LOL &#33; this is one of the funiest videos ive ever seen &#33;</a>

    join the librarium-online dawn of war clan <a href='' target='_blank'>HERE</a>

    <a href='' target='_blank'>Check when the next clan game is on here</a>

  8. #7
    Keeper of Records and Ale King Ulrik Flamebeard's Avatar
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    1372 (x8)

    A few more, smae author but taken from

    NB. For those who don&#39;t know has gone down, the admin are attempting to fix it but it will take the rest of this week. The main body of Druchii have invaded the site until the problem can be fixed.

    Now the songs -

    Hark&#33; The heretic Word Bearer song, -
    "Glory to Lord Tubal-Kahn&#33;
    Strife on earth, and panic wild,
    Targets and bolters reconciled."
    Terrorized, all ye armies rise,
    Join the triumph of our lies;
    With our heretic host proclaim,
    "Death at last is yours to claim."
    Hark&#33; The heretic Raptors sing,
    "We come as death on silent wings&#33;
    Chaos, by highest man adored:
    Chaos, our everlasting Lords;
    The Imperium we shall overrun,
    as Offspring of the favoured one.
    Veil&#39;d in flesh, the Pantheon sees;
    Hail, the Chaos Space marines:
    Fleshed with death, we seek our fill,
    and on our shoulders paint "kill kill kill&#33;"
    Hark&#33; The heretic Havocs sing,
    "Eat hot death with our ACs&#33;"
    Hail&#33; The much-feared Bearer of Woe&#33;
    Hail&#33; The sheep that do not know&#33;
    The pain and death that he will bring
    to Loyalist Chapters of the Space marines.
    Wrapped in glory is Tubal-Kahn,
    One better than Horus or Abaddon:
    Born to topple the Imperium,
    Born to hear bloody warfare&#39;s din.
    Hark&#33; The heretic Word Bearers say,
    "Glory to our Lord this Black Crusade&#33;

    The first dreadful note hacked its way through the air
    Alarming the hung-over Guard in their lair.
    It oozed like an over-ripe fruit in their ears
    Commissar Ted went through shock into fear.
    Squinting, he gazed upon a far hill
    As the armoury behind him the watchmen did fill.
    "Big Betty&#39;s Beard, what in God&#39;s name is that?"
    he exclaimed with a shudder. "It&#39;s all bloated and fat&#33;"
    Indeed on the hillock the great beastie croaked
    Ayatollah Ebola farted then joked:
    "My Nurglings are hungry, I&#39;ve travelled quite far,
    but look, there&#39;s an all you can eat Commissar bar&#33;"
    With that tasteless jest a great shape broke the sky
    As the mighty tank "Land Shark" went screaming by.
    Without changing its course, without warning or slowing
    It crested the hill and seemed to keep going.
    Straight into space the black beast sailed away
    Before crashing to earth making nearby trees sway.
    "Onward me boys, it&#39;s time for a snack&#33;"
    The Unclean One lurched forward without looking back.
    Behind him a horde of armoured shapes moved in groups
    The Warp Sharks chapter, Nurgle&#39;s best troops.
    Back in the bunker it was looking quite grim
    As Commissar Ted spoke to Commissar Tim.
    "It might be most prudent for us to take flight."
    "You sissified coward, I came here to fight&#33;"
    And that was the end of poor Commissar Ted
    Tim went and shot him, now he is dead.
    "Don&#39;t bother to wait for the white&#39;s of their eyes
    and the first man to abandon this bunker, he dies."
    With a leader like that, who could refuse?
    And PDF Karl John Smith lit the fuse.
    Outside, the battlefield shook with detonations
    And Plague Marines died in unexpected cremations.
    A gaggle of guardsmen broke cover and booked,
    And normally those suckers would have been cooked.
    A warp plasma volley should have toasted the ground
    But the Noise Marines were no where to be found.
    "Where are those head-bangers to support our attack?
    Probably off somewhere performing unnatural acts."
    Ebola kept going despite early losses
    "I&#39;ll nail those stupid humans to upside-down crosses&#33;"
    The Land Shark roared forward, a death worse than fate
    With a slight course correction it turned ratlings to paste.
    "Keep shooting you bastards, something&#39;s got to give way.
    I&#39;m sure it&#39;s my life or that tank&#39;s life this day."
    Just now our pal Tim was feeling the pinch,
    As a bolt gun missed his ear by an inch.
    A Russ rolled into his limited view
    And upon the traitorous horde did it spew
    A torrent of fire and shrapnel and hate
    "&#39;bout time Sergeant Major, you&#39;re almost too late&#33;"
    The Imperial beast stood upon an embankment
    Covering the field with death like a blanket.
    Then out of the sky, like a great winged Saint Nick
    "I&#39;ve come to chew gum and for asses to kick&#33;"
    Upon the tank&#39;s hood the thing crashed with a clatter
    And the Russ shook and shuddered like gelatine matter.
    Out of the warp it was Knuckles Malone,
    The biggest Bloodthirster to ever leave home.
    "Once again Ayatollah we both plainly see
    there is nothing you have which can&#39;t be taken by me."
    "Wakana Matusu Umbata&#33;" it cried.
    And drove its big fist through the tank&#39;s armoured side.
    Commissar Tim had his head in his hands
    And was dreaming of whiskey and warm foreign lands.
    PDF Smith stared, and then giggled with panic
    As Malone hit the tank like a demonic mechanic.
    Ebola stood akimbo and regarded the scene
    and picked at some gunk attached to his spleen.
    "I was saving this trick for the fight&#39;s final act,
    but hell, what&#39;s the difference. C&#39;mon boys, attack&#33;"
    A vicious black mist filled the air with its gas
    Which smelled like a burrito from Nurgle&#39;s fat ass.
    A pack of green shapes from the warp did burst free
    And hacked at the &#39;Thirster with cackles of glee.
    "Notify Admiral Heronimus Clay,
    aha&#33; We all still might live through this day.
    Hold onto your butts&#33;" Tim did declare
    And crouched down for cover at the rocket&#39;s red glare.
    PDF Smith kept his eyes on the show
    As the Cruiser dropped bombs on the battle below.
    The whole stinking army ground to a halt
    And looked to the skies, their mission forgot.
    A distant black object sped on toward the heath
    The bus-sized explosive drifted down like a leaf.
    Well, more like an oversized pig did it drop
    Or perhaps like a lunch lady ladling slop.
    None quite remember what happened next
    Since PDF Smith got cut off at the neck.
    Commissar Tim has had little to say
    Of the horrors he witnessed upon that black day.
    Some say he stared straight at the eyes of the beast
    Or lost it and soiled his own armour, at least.
    Who won? Who lost? Who survived? Who cares?
    Only the hung-over guardsmen asleep in their lair.
    For it was all in Tim&#39;s head, this battle Royale,
    And he spoke of it just before he was corralled.
    His head filled with voices, his sanity thin,
    For Nurgle hasn&#39;t forgotten our Commissar Tim.
    Now each day Ebola whispers as they strap him in tight:
    "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

    and, of course, the Druchii&#39;s very own song, written by BaronDesade who, sadly, is no longer present on our beloved site;

    Twas the night before Christmas, and through Naggaroth
    the Cold Ones were moving with the speed of a sloth,
    The High Elves were nailed to their crosses with care,
    In hopes that the Harpies soon would be there.
    The children were beaten and tossed into bed,
    While birdies and stars whirled over their heads,
    And the wench in her leathers and I in my mask,
    Had just started into our amorous task...
    When out in the street there arose such a crash,
    It sounded just like the Manticore had got in the trash.
    But I went to the window and looked out with a yawn
    To see what kind of mess had been made on the lawn.
    The torches were lit in the Temple of Khaine,
    And the streets were all echoing with mad screams of pain,
    When appearing from nowhere, a sight sure to stun
    Was a Dark Elf Chariot, and eight drooling Cold Ones
    With a spike-armoured driver, so wicked and clawed,
    I knew in a moment it must be DeSade
    While snapping and snarling, his Cold Ones they came,
    And he lashed them and beat them, and called them by name:
    "Now, Dumkopf&#33; now, Stupid&#33; now Moron and Dimwit&#33;
    On, Brainless&#33; On Cretin &#33; on, Obtuse and Dumbsh..&#33;
    To the top of the temple&#33; to the top of the wall&#33;
    Now get it right this time, or I’ll kill you all&#33;"
    Getting this far had seemed against all the odds,
    When they met with an obstacle, barely they dodged,
    So up to the front porch, the chariot they drew,
    With a boatload of swords, and whips and spears too.
    And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door
    The sound of wood breaking, boots hitting the floor.
    As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
    Into the living room Cold Ones came with a bound.
    DeSade was dressed all in black, from his head to his toe,
    And why his smile was so evil, I did not want to know.
    A bundle of spears he had flung on his back,
    And he looked like a weapon smith just opening his pack.
    His eyes -- how they glittered -- his demeanour how merry&#33;
    He was a true Druchii noble, not some High Elven fairy&#33;
    His mean little mouth was drawn up in a growl
    And kicked a Cold One just to hear it howl&#33;
    A chewed dragon’s bone he held tight in his teeth,
    And Dark Magic encircled his head like a wreath.
    He had an angular face and a cruel little laugh
    And told me, “Be quiet, or I’ll cut you in half&#33;?
    He was lean and mean, a right fearsome Dark elf,
    And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
    The spikes on his armour and horns on his head
    Filled all of the room with an aura of dread.
    He spoke no more, but went to our spear-chest,
    Threw in some weapons, then dumped in the rest,
    Then pushing his Cold Ones, across the floor
    With kicks and lashings, got them out the door.
    He got up to his Chariot, to his reptiles gave a yell,
    Grabbed up his whip and beat them like hell.
    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
    "Happy Christmas to all, may you live through the night&#33;"


  9. #8
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    Ah I was wondering why I couldnt access thx for the info guys&#33;

    LMAO Those carrolls are excellent&#33;&#33;&#33; Nice work&#33;
    ...And I shall be there, waiting, at the gates of hell, you shall not escape my wrath&#33;

  10. #9
    Member Lotus's Avatar
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    lol. Very great

    Hope is the first step on the road to dissapointment.

  11. #10
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    Man, those are awsome&#33; ^_^
    &#39;It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees&#39;-Pancho Villa

    &#39;You&#39;re not to be so blind with patriotism that you can&#39;t face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it&#39;-Malcolm X

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