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The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”
This Student Received The Only “A”
spambot kill tally: 79
[16:19] <@Alzer> Arky's right though
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> I know he is.
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> He usually is.
[16:20] <@Kaiser-> Sometimes it's intentional.
[00:01] <+zubus> i love you, ya skirt wearin nothern monkey! ^_^
Man that is funny as. Small world though, I got the exact same forward from a mate at work last week. Wierd how it appears in Scotland and Australia at the same time hey? Small, small world
Yeah I got it from a friend a year ago. Terrifyingly clever.
â€œCry â€˜Havocâ€™ and let slip the dogs of war!â€? - Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene I
I received a similar forward years ago, appears the thing is still traveling around. However, one small thing, in the one I got the poor chap hadn't gotten laid, so the story has changed.
For the better for this lad for sure.
However, in both the term exothermic was used, probably implying that mine's was not the original because its proper use is in this story
Yeah, there are a couple of slight variations of it. It is fake, like basically all of those things that get forwarded around the place. It might be mentioned on Snopes or somewhere else, I know I've seen them discuss it in one of those sites.
If you don't know what you want you end up with a lot of stuff you don't.
I've actually read this several times, but the sheer genius of it never fails to astound me. That guy deserved extra credit for wit.
You must never forget the essence of your spark
All of that which defines you is the essence of your blood
The infection has been removed
The soul of the machine has improved
The infection has been removed
The soul of the machine has improved
Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
This is real!
What you wish to be
This post scares me, because only yesterday some guy at my school was talking about it....
Boy, does news get around fast!
FROM THE BOOK OF THE IMPERIUM:
1. Thou shalt not go on a panty raid in the Adaptus Soritus temple.
2. Thou shalt not flirt with Howling Banshees. They are the enemy.
3. Thou shalt not refer to Battle Sisters as Bolter Biatches
4. Darth Vader isnâ€™t the son of Abaddon
5. Thou shalt not reassemble a Necron into a washing machine
This student rocks so ****ing much for putting that in a paper. He definately earns my respect.Originally posted by The Arklite@Dec 16 2004, 15:57
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, â€œit will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with youâ€?, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting â€œOh my God.â€?[snapback]277994[/snapback]
Ohh, and I was the guy that mentioned the "Fresh, new, hands on, Petting Party" in his USH Bluebook.
No, I won't go into any depth, it was something we only got into durring class, so you probubly won't find much about it on the net. I'll give you a hint though, in was between 1900 and '40.
A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick. - Mary Wilson Little
Two thumbs up.
Whats Theresa's phone #?
LOL, very nice!
However, the student seems to have missed something. Because a soul cannot leave Hell, "all Hell" can never break loose. For the same reason we can assume that a soul has no critical teperature. Thus, in situation 1, soul pressure will continue to build up untill the deepest level of Hell (being, of course, under the greatest preasure), will freeze over, and every other level in sequence. Thus, even if it is never a cold day in Hell, Hell will inevitably freeze over one of these days...
So... would that make Limbo the triple point? Seems to fit the chaotic imagery pretty well, although theologically speaking, shouldn't it be purgatory, as that is where the soul waits untill the pressure is released and it is released into a gas. But then again, increase the temperature with a little hellfire and the soul becomes a gas too... So that would mean that Heaven and Hell are actually the same thing! That is, of course, untill Hell freezes over... This leads to the true identity of the ultimate question to the ultimate answer: where is a soul when it is a liquid? I think we've stumbled onto a whole new branch of science: theochemistry!
(...i'm such a nerd... :hmm: )
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely...
but it rocks absolutely, too!