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  1. #1
    Senior Member Draegath's Avatar
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    WE ARE ONE

    We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional w anker.

    We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to b itch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

    We are One Nation but divided into many States.
    First, there's Victoria, named after queen who didn't believe in lesbos. Victoria's the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's livable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the Family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
    chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels
    as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

    Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

    The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
    content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half ar sed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as it's beautiful one day and
    perfect the next. Why he filled it with dic kheads remains a mystery.

    Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing.

    We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to
    our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing
    crim who commits suicide).

    We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, swimming, netball,
    rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe.

    Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk. We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest. No other country has this distinction.

    Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pis sed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
    sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

    I am, you are, we are Australian!

    HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY for January 26, 2005.

    Maireann croÃ* éadrom i bhfad - A light heart lives longest


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  3. #2
    Pathfinder Edicius's Avatar
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    Nice..I had no idea the holiday existed,having never been to Austraila, but a happy one to ya anyways..you damn deranged Aussies. ^_^

  4. #3
    LO Zealot Grimbog Elf Ater's Avatar
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    Happy Australia day to all! It was really nice being down at the beach for it in 37 degree heat and swimming around for about 6 hours straight!
    The iron crowned is getting closer,
    Swings his hammer down on him,
    Like a thunderstorm he's crushing,
    Down the Noldor's proudest king.

    Under my foot, so hopeless it seems.
    You've troubled my day, now feel the pain.
    - Blind Guardian

  5. #4
    Wave Man Kahoolin's Avatar
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    Well said Draegoth. Sounds like a fair summary of our fair nation. I was in Hong Kong and got back on January 27th so I missed out, but I'm having a pie for lunch today dammit.

    Ironically enough an Irish mate of mine sent me an SMS wishing me a happy Australia Day while I was overseas.

    Didn't know he even knew about Australia day, oh that's right I made him scull Fosters at a BBQ when he was here a couple of years ago... That's right...Australian Fosters! Muha hah ha haaa!! Not the actually quite nice version we send overseas but the one that's fit only for Queenslanders!

    EDIT: I would also like to add a little info about Canberra, the proud capital of Australia. It is the only place in our nation where fireworks, pornography and prostitution are all perfectly legal. You can even grow up to five marijuana plants for your own personal use, only you'd better not because there is no way in hell you are finding anywhere open to eat after 11 oclock at night. No. not even McDonalds.
    Likewise for cases of beer. Get em before 10 or you better be prepared to take a drive into New South Wales! (Y)

    I also am perplexed by a capital city with no international airport and which is so insignificant that it does not even appear on weather reports outside the local area.

  6. #5
    Senior Member Bobby_Wokkerfella's Avatar
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    AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OY! OY! OY!
    Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.
    Just a few things to say-
    SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels
    as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide
    If anyones wondering about this, there was a mass murder in snowtown where bodies were hacked up and placed in barrels in a bank vault.
    My house was 5 mins drive from the bank :o
    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half ar sed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as it's beautiful one day and
    perfect the next. Why he filled it with dic kheads remains a mystery.
    Well a lot of Queenslanders are dic.ks but there are some decent ones up here. Also were're like the Catholic capital of Australia, haven't met a Queenie that isn't a religious man/woman. But lately the weather has been miserable
    Once again AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OY! OY! OY!

    Oh and Grimbog, I thought you were a Norweigon (sp?)?

  7. #6
    LO Zealot Grimbog Elf Ater's Avatar
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    Err, I'm from the Badlandz, like my profile says! Nah, I'm a Melbournian born and bred (and scorched from Anglesea beach at the moment :blush: )!
    The iron crowned is getting closer,
    Swings his hammer down on him,
    Like a thunderstorm he's crushing,
    Down the Noldor's proudest king.

    Under my foot, so hopeless it seems.
    You've troubled my day, now feel the pain.
    - Blind Guardian

  8. #7
    Senior Member Bobby_Wokkerfella's Avatar
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    Err, I'm from the Badlandz, like my profile says! Nah, I'm a Melbournian born and bred (and scorched from Anglesea beach at the moment )!
    Ahhh, I always wondered where the hell you were from. Good to know ANOTHER Aussie is on the board (Were taking over the damned place ).
    As for me, I was born in South Aussie, moved to Queensland bout 3 years ago.

  9. #8
    LO Zealot Grimbog Elf Ater's Avatar
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    I was a South Aussie for 3 years (lived in Coober Pedy - no GW there, not happy&#33.

    I figure that there are so many of us that one of us here that we will have to get mod'ed soon. There's Norwegians, Americans, British; it's our turn next I tell you!
    The iron crowned is getting closer,
    Swings his hammer down on him,
    Like a thunderstorm he's crushing,
    Down the Noldor's proudest king.

    Under my foot, so hopeless it seems.
    You've troubled my day, now feel the pain.
    - Blind Guardian

  10. #9
    Senior Member Bobby_Wokkerfella's Avatar
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    (lived in Coober Pedy - no GW there, not happy&#33.
    Yeah It would be awesome to see a subterrainian GW.
    (For those unfamiliar with Australia, Coober Pedy is a Opal Mining town that has basically every house/building underground/dug in Never been there though o I don't know if the commercial buildings are under as weel. Why are they underground? Because of the extrreme heat IIRC, I'm not to sure :hmm: )

  11. #10
    Member Ceran The Great's Avatar
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    Sorry i'm a bit late but all the above mentioned is true.

    And most queenslanders are rednecks.

    By the way i live in albury
    I am the Lord of Destruction
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Fools...i'll destroy them all

    <a href='http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Daemon%20Lord' target='_blank'>http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Daemon%20Lord</a>

    <a href='http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Daemon+Lord' target='_blank'>http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Daemon+Lord</a>

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