!00 Ways to annoy Wargamers - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Nemy's Avatar
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    !00 Ways to annoy Wargamers

    I know there was the 160 ways thing, but I thought you might like this.

    1. Refer to your miniatures only by their first name.
    2. Refer to his miniatures only by their first name.
    3. Try to bribe his units over to your side.
    4. Three words: Pastel Color Scheme
    5. Rent advertising space on your unit banners.
    6. Offer your opponent the chance to surrender before the battle starts.
    7. Dress in character. Sans pants.
    8. Perform a play by play commentary in a Howard Cossell voice.
    9. Speak only in third person like a certain wrestler.
    10. Use large brass dice. Roll them dangerously close to your opponents figures.
    11. Use only microdice.
    12. Only roll one die at a time.
    13. Play battle music. Mr. Roboto works best. Put it on repeat.
    14. Name all your characters after obscure Hungarian royalty. Become annoyed if
    your opponent fails to notice.
    15. Claim your army is comprised of all women. When pressed, explain they are
    all in disguise as to not get kicked out of the army.
    16. Place a hammer on the table before the battle starts. Explain it is there to
    insure loyalty.
    17. Quote Sun Tzu often, but only irrelevantly.
    18. Every time one of your miniatures has unrestricted LOS to his commander, say
    ‘check’.
    19. Suggest obviously suicidal tactics to your opponents. Explain ‘that’s what
    Custer would do’.
    20. Perform a rousing speech to your troops before the battle. Pose like
    Mussolini at the end.
    21. Secretly replace your opponent’s miniatures one at a time with miniatures
    from other games.
    22. Claim your miniatures are proxied for another regiment, though that has no
    bearing on game play whatsoever.
    23. Place all of your infantry on individual monster bases.
    24. Flock your bases with sand. Do not use glue.
    25. Take a halftime break to play with your Bloodbowl cheerleaders.
    26. Every time your opponent shows you a rule in the book, tear out that page
    and eat it.
    27. Every turn play by the previous version of the rules.
    28. Each time your opponent destroys one of your units, remove an article of
    clothing.
    29. Reference only Hoyle’s Book of Games for rules disputes.
    30. Produce two large blunt objects before the games starts, suggest Ironman
    rules.
    31. Gradually increase your volume as the game progresses.
    32. Place scantily clad female miniatures beside the table to distract your
    opponent’s army.
    33. Do not move your army. Do not shoot. Flee when charged.
    34. Give your army a French paint scheme. After the first turn, give up.
    35. During a rules dispute, reference several copies of the rules to make sure
    they are the same in every book.
    36. Use only the same exact posed figure for your entire army. Proxy if
    necessary.
    37. Origami figurines.
    38. Discuss tactics with your troops. Become argumentative.
    39. Have no interior monologue. Digress frequently.
    40. When talking about strategy always ask, “What would Portnoy the Hedgehog,
    the surly Bloom County cartoon character do??
    41. Four more words. Baby blue bikini top.
    42. Use the words ‘whoop ass’ at least twenty times in your army list.
    43. Use a paintball to remove casualties. For both sides.
    44. Use the wrong scale miniatures.
    45. Don’t speak to your opponent during the game.
    46. Cuss a lot. Use only profanity from popular sci-fi shows.
    47. Name all your vehicles after Dr. Suess books.
    48. When you win, dump a tub of gatorade on your commander.
    49. Every time you lose a unit, take a shot of whiskey.
    50. Yodel.
    51. Try to play multiple games at once, like Gary Kasparov
    52. Each turn impersonate Peter Lorre just a little bit more.
    53. Start each game with the National Anthem
    54. Each turn replace your commander with a new figure.
    55. After a good die roll, do a victory dance and spike the die.
    56. Write a battle report during the game. Take at least five minutes to
    write information between dice rolls.
    57. Spot glue all your pieces together so they continually fall apart through
    out the game.
    58. Keep comparing the current game you are playing unfavorably to Spellfire.
    59. Ask if one of your opponent’s female models is seeing anybody.
    60. Your only model: a fully scale Godzilla suit.
    61. Play with two fake prosthetic hooks, refuse any offer of help.
    62. Be sure to put cutesy hearts over all i’s and j’s on all banners and words
    in your army.
    63. Have a spy listening in on your opponent’s conversations. Relay information
    through semaphore flags.
    64. Have same spy attempt to shoot your opponents models in the back with models
    in the game the spy is currently playing.
    65. Place a model compass rose on the table, be sure to have arranged so you can
    claim your opponent takes a penalty shooting at you because of the sun in his
    eyes.
    66. Have all your models covered in Vaseline at the start of the game. Offer no
    explanation.
    67. Every time one of your models dies, going into the Fritz and Max monologue
    from Wizards.
    68. Have conversations with the models in your carrying case about why they
    didn’t get picked.
    69. Put springs in your vehicles so they appear to be on hydraulics.
    70. Place bets on every die roll.
    71. Try to bribe his dice.
    72. Spend at least 5 minutes trying to move your models with telekinesis.
    73. At the end of each turn have your corner team rehydrate you, give a backrub
    and don’t forget the cut man.
    74. Use a translator to communicate with your opponent.
    75. Use a croupier stick to move models
    76. Bribe several small children to stare silently at your opponent nonstop
    throughout the game.
    77. Take 30 seconds winding up before rolling your dice.
    78. Suggest playing diceless like Amber.
    79. Read War and Peace during your opponents turn.
    80. Practice the saxophone or some other instrument you can’t play when it’s not
    your turn.
    81. Mandatory conversion for all your models: Pasties.
    82. Tape record the Wilhelm scream before the battle. Play it each time a model
    dies.
    83. Have a Senor Winces style conversation with your dice bag.
    84. Speak in a golf voice when either of you is moving figures or rolling dice.
    85. Try to move your models with a RC remote control. After the first failed
    attempt, change the batteries.
    86. Model foam We’re #1 fingers on all your models in rear ranks.
    87. Six more words: Jethro Tull Fan Club paint scheme
    88. When it’s your turn to place terrain, dump a box of toy penguins on the
    table.
    89. Claim your tape measure only measures in cubits.
    90. When placing models, put a small dog on the table. Show your opponent you
    spent the points for him.
    91. Speak in rhyme.
    92. Tie slow burning matches in your beard and dress exactly like Blackbeard.
    Act like nothing is out of the ordinary.
    93. When your opponent isn’t looking, switch places with someone dressed exactly
    like you.
    94. Describe the battle using more and more fictitious sounding tactics like
    ‘Advanced Cow and Dairy Farmer Counter Formation’
    95. When two models are alone in close combat, yell at them to take it outside.
    96. Tell your opponent that your kilt wearing models are fully regimental. Show
    him you’re not kidding.
    97. Hide a small rodent in your transport tank.
    98. Have a man behind you performing a striptease on your opponent’s turn.
    99. When you lose a model, casually toss it behind your back.
    100. Read to your opponent children’s novels during his turn

    Last edited by Nemy; April 1st, 2005 at 21:22.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Psychotic, Soda Addicted, Level-Headed Christian Friendly, Sexy Japanese Girl of LO

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Nemy's Avatar
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    Here is more stuff from this guy. I sort of hit the 10000 limit. But trust me, alot of the otehr stuff is worth it.

    1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
    2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
    3. Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).
    4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
    5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
    6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
    7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.
    8. Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.
    9. Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are expecting to play with your opponent's army.
    10. Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.
    11. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.
    12. Play dead if your general dies.
    13. Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic references to the power of laser cannon in WHFB.
    14. Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
    15. Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.
    16. Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.
    17. Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
    18. Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.
    19. Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."
    20. Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.
    21. Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
    22. State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.
    23. Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."
    24. Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
    25. Add sound FX. Kaboom!
    26. Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
    27. Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!
    28. Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your treemen. Refuse to let him move through woods.
    29. Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy Van.
    30. Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
    31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"
    32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.
    33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.
    34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
    35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.
    36. Cheer on your miniatures.
    37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.
    38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.
    39. Pull out an ace surreptitiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.
    40. Keep a deck of Magic the Gathering cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
    41. Speak in Skaven. Neek- Neek!
    42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.
    43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.
    44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
    45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
    46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"
    47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
    48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.
    49. Come with an army painted completely flora purple. Wear dark glasses.
    50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny everything.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Psychotic, Soda Addicted, Level-Headed Christian Friendly, Sexy Japanese Girl of LO

  4. #3
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    Dang those are awesome.

    Just remember

    151. Paint your army as shiney as physicly possible.
    Where's your Baritone Saxophone?

  5. #4
    Art Culinaire BLADERUNNER's Avatar
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    LoL 58. - Ace up the sleave.
    -HONORABLE MENTIONS IN BLITZKRIEG PAINTING COMP-
    "THAT I.G. GUY WITH THAT OVERDEVELOPED TRIGGER FINGER"

  6. #5
    Senior Member Twilight Dancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemy
    I know there was the 160 ways thing, but I thought you might like this.
    28. Each time your opponent destroys one of your units, remove an article of
    clothing.
    you mean your not supposed to do that?! i mean that explains a LOT of the funny looks i get
    I still hate Twiglets!

  7. #6
    Senior Member Absoluthor's Avatar
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    Oh my god! :eek: Totally killer fun! LMAO! :lol:

    Imagine making a hidden camera show doing those things in the grand tournament! :lol:
    Ave Dominus Nox!

  8. #7
    I AM CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER bonjordo's Avatar
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    lol that was funny

    37. Origami figurines.

    classic...........

  9. #8
    LO Zealot Addoran's Avatar
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    36. Use only the same exact posed figure for your entire army. Proxy if
    necessary.

    I beat you, I was going to make a 500 point IG army where every trooper was posed in this position.

    http://uk.games-workshop.com/storefr...orignav=301117

    Imagine that 'advancing' towards you...well confusing. (This was when the models were relatively cheap)

  10. #9
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    Don't forget.

    152. If you play a 40k Inqusitonal army, wear robes and rummage through his possessions. Mindway through the game, hold something up and declare it evidence of the charge that he is thrice damned, and now declared Excomunicate Tratoris.

    That is some bad latin that GW uses. I mean, come on, Excommunicate is not an adverb, nor is it ablataive in this case.
    Where's your Baritone Saxophone?

  11. #10
    Member Captain Obvious's Avatar
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    153. Make up little sayings that don't make any sense. Use them randomly.
    154. When an opponent kills an important piece in your army, tell him he has been bad and that he has to go stand in the corner.
    155. While your opponent is trying to think about his/her turn, talk about him in a foreign language that he knows.
    156. Talk to your opponent and only your opponent with a lisp.
    157. Put a $10 bill on his case and don't explain why.
    158. Answer a cell phone that did not ring.
    159. sing an old song that no one has ever heard of, and sing it with your worst possible singing voice.
    If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one 'round to hear it is it still my fault.

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