Librarium Online Forums banner

Divorce - Acceptable?

647 views 12 replies 10 participants last post by  Diggums Hammer 
#1 · (Edited)
Many married couples, which may or may not be in abundance on LO, have most likely had that time in their lives where something has gone horribly wrong. Some weather the storm, but others break under the heavy burden and the result could possibly end in divorce. But this doesn't only affect the couple, it affects friends, relatives and has a big impact in the future of their children, if they should have any.

Whilst I am not of age, and as such cannot sympathise, but only empathise at their plight, I was wondering what the rest of you on LO thought of the divorce - is it ethical? Is it, in your opinion, right that divorce is legal? What of the consequences?

EDIT: I live in Australia, where divorce is legal. However, I completely forgot that other countries might have laws which define divorce as illegal. If one feels offended, please forgive me for this slight. :cry:
 
#2 ·
I think divorce is fine. I think it can often be a sad occasion, but sometimes it can also be a "normal" occasion... the former couple depart friends, but not lovers.

It should be legal, after all we don't need all this stuff about "its bad." Its worse for two people to be forced to live together.

My parents have argued, but they've never split up. My Aunty, and my Uncle (one of two, both from my mother's side) have both had rather *nasty* divoce experinces, some very, very painfull. I might mention them later. The consquecnes were damn nasty, but It wouldn't have been nice if they had stayed together. Especially for my cousins (who, by the way, turned out fine. Well, most of them. All bar one (but thats another story, and I don't think it was becasue of the divorce.)).

All in all: divorce is a common part of realtionships these days, and should definatly be legal. People who have experinced divroce are not messed up, and are some of the best people I know.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.
 
#3 · (Edited)
Lord Yossanrion said:
All in all: divorce is a common part of realtionships these days, and should definatly be legal. People who have experinced divroce are not messed up, and are some of the best people I know.
I agree with you. However, from my experience, being the child of divorced parents certainly isn't the best way to go. Whilst couples may benefit from divorcing, it is not always the child that will benefit. Without a loving father-and-mother relationship, their upbringing will be different, if not marred somewhat.

It gets rather complicated when the mother remarries again, not to mention the father, and both have new kids. The child is not entirely whole, one part being in his/her father, the other in his/her mother and as such, will suffer for it.
 
#4 ·
I actually come from a broken home my parents split when i was 13-14 i was going through a difficult time due to perthes disease affecting my right hip and all the subsequent operations that i had to endure. My parents at this stage were fighting every day and the atmosphere in the house wasn't pleasant, i had difficulty going outside due to being confined in a wheelchair/crutches yet i wanted to be anywhere else but in the house. Had my parents not split up i can tell you one thing i don't think i would be a more rounded individual if anything had they stayed together, i would proably be having a lot more problems in my life than i do now.

Don't get me wrong i know that it affected me i have great difficulty even now maintaining a longterm relationship with the opposite sex But I still feel that this would have been better than the alternative.
 
#5 ·
No!

Divorce is unacceptable!! :realmad: Once you've cast your lot in with a spouse, you play that string until the end!

just kidding. :D

People change, you may not be the same person you fell in love with and married; the person you married may not be the same person as he or she was when you got married. There's no sense for two unhappy people to be unhappy together.

The only thing that can be hoped for is that the separating couple can be civil about their split, and that they ensure that their children (if they have them) are not traumatized by the split.
 
#6 ·
Mikhail the Heretic said:
I actually come from a broken home my parents split when i was 13-14 i was going through a difficult time due to perthes disease affecting my right hip and all the subsequent operations that i had to endure. My parents at this stage were fighting every day and the atmosphere in the house wasn't pleasant, i had difficulty going outside due to being confined in a wheelchair/crutches yet i wanted to be anywhere else but in the house. Had my parents not split up i can tell you one thing i don't think i would be a more rounded individual if anything had they stayed together, i would proably be having a lot more problems in my life than i do now.
Unfortunately, I would have prefered it if my parents had not divorced. I for one can say that I have been tossed out of the frying pan into the fire. I took the divorce OK, being too young too understand what was going on anyway. But its side effects became a big factor in my life to come. Both my parents remarried - my stepmother turned out just fine. My stepfather, however, is a different matter. Heated arguments began to crop up in my seventh year, which escalated into more frequent and violent arguments, encompassing the whole family. Now, we are not on speaking terms - the only word that we say to each other each day is "Hello", and even then no words are exchanged. As such, I usually stay away from him to avoid the tense silence that follows when we are together. As such, my social life has really plummeted and I often feel the same in the company of others.
 
#7 ·
Whilst it was the impact of legislative changes that increased the opportunities for divorce they did not affect the desire or motivation to divorce. The demand for divorce was there prior to the legislation being implemented but it was the ability to divorce that was lacking. Since the implementation of divorce laws divorce rates have risen steadily but just because people can divorce does not mean that they will A far more likely reason for the rising divorce rates are the economic, social and cultural changes that took place over the course of the twentieth century. In more recent times family size has decreased which has meant that there is a greater ability to divorce both financially and socially, as couples no longer have large families to be responsible for. It is easier to bring up one or two children as a single parent whereas it is harder to bring up eight or nine. As the Age of Marriage increases people are less likely to divorce, as they are more aware of what a relationship involves. Increasingly people cohabit before marriage and therefore are far more aware of what marriage would mean. Increasingly people are not bothering to marry and as fewer marriages occur so there will be less divorces. There is also a greater awareness of sexuality and sexual experiences you are no longer expected to be heterosexual or even a virgin on your marriage bed. But lets not forget the victims of the Divorce, those are the kids that a married couple could have. The scars from a divorced family, that can leave in a kid, is uncureable by even time itself.
 
#8 ·
I'm from a broken home aswell, but luckily for me I can't remember my parents living together, since they divorced when I was 2 years old.

I think that divorces are acceptable, since it most of the time is better for all parts, including the childrens.
I've seen many couples who IMO should have had a divorces ages ago, but stick together, either because of cultural norms or for protecting their childrens. But instead the children are suffering because there is no love at home. Children need not only love from their parents but they also needs to feel the love between the parents.

I don't say that divorces are good, but sometimes it is the best thing for all parts. (It kind of sounds wrong, but I can't make it sounds right in English, so I'm just hoping that you understands my point)
 
#9 ·
I think at this stage it's too late to wonder whether or not divorce is OK. It's all around and that's not going to change.

In my group of friends at high school only 3 out of 11 of us had parents who were still married to the people they originally married. The other kids had single parent families or step parents.

How could you justify taking the right for people to separate away from them at this stage?

Personally I think one of the biggest reasons for the climb in divorce rates is movie stars. I know alot of actor types and many of them are very egotistical and selfish, plus they tend to rush into things. Whenever I see a star get married to another star after dating for a couple of months I think of my actor mates and think "yeah I'm sure THAT'S going to work out." You can't have a relationship where both people are naturally selfish and always want the spotlight.

So what happens is the media and society in general idolizes these people and then instead of trying to weather the storms or even waiting a few years before you marry, people marry quickly just like their idols and then as soon as they hit their first fight they go "you're not giving me what I want! I want a divorce!"

Anyway that's my pet Dr. Phil rampage for the day ;)
 
#10 ·
The media have their influence, no doubt about that. But a factor is also the time-spirit. Now all peoples have a very busy life, where career is highly prioteted. The demands of education, even when finish with schools. Besides that comes all the extra meetings and so on. That leaves little time left for the family. Which over some time must couse some troubles, which simply can't be sorted out. And unfortunately childrens most often suffers within these.

Ofcouse it is the best for the children to live with both parents, but the time-spirit simply doesn't always aloud that.
 
#11 ·
I have no problem with divorce. As long as both sides have tried to sort things out, and divorce is the only thing left, then that is what it should be.

Living a lie and being unhappy is likely to be as bad as divorce. If a child grows up in a house where tension likes under the surface with backbiting and a lack of love between their parents, that's going to have an effect too.

There is no "nice" way if two people "fall out of love" and want to end it. It's only tragic if it turns into some ugly tug of war over children.
 
#12 ·
My parent's divorce is still pretty fresh in my mind, even though it happened some 7 years ago. It's hard to forget a spectacle like that. The crying,the arguements,the FBI dragging my pops off so he could be handed over to the UK authorities. It was a hell of a show
.Having lived through it though I still don't have any problem with people getting divorced. The problem I see is that divorces are a neccesity,or that they even exist. 60% of the people in America have or will end up divorced. That tells me that there's something wrong with the way people think about being married. Marriage is a serious thing,definitely not something that should be entered into lightly. Being married implies that you are ready and willing to make a permanent commitment to another person. How could anybody agree to that kind of contract without fully knowing the person they intend to marry and being absolutely positive that such a union will work out? The biggest cause for divorce seems to be "Oh but he/she changed so much."OK, sure all people change,but nobody changes drasticly enough to alter the basics of thier personality. Whatever trait they possess that caused you to stop loving them existed before you got married, you saw it,yet you decided to marry them anyways,and if you didn't see it..well then you should have opened your eyes.I firmly believe that it's not possible to just "stop loving" a person. Love, true love, is far too powerful a thing to just be casualy forgoten or tossed aside when it's no longer convenient. If the feeling was weak enough to fade over time,then it was never strong enough to justify you entering into marriage with the person that caused those feelings.The problem here is not that people are getting divorced,it's that they regard marriage with too little of the depth that it's due and enter it without putting enough thought into it..I there's less marriage,then there's less divorce,that's how I see it anyways Now of course that doesn't mean you shouldn't get married,but you really need to think long and hard before you do and be absolutely sure you know this person as well as you know yourself, if there is any fraction of a doubt in your mind,or you think for a fraction of a second that at any time in the future you may no longer love this person,you should not get married.
 
#13 ·
I do think that Divorce is often necessary, and should be legal obviously. Many people who get into long term relationships and have children act selfishly and irresposibly leading to Divorce.

I find way too many of my peers (i'm 37) put their own selfish needs in front of their kids. They are the ones that brought these young people into to the world, and it is their responsibility to ensure their proper upbringing.

Should a mother go through being battered by a husband for the sake of the kids? Absolutly not, but it seems many couples give in and up too easily, when they could try and make a go of it, especially for the kids.

When we Marry we sacrifice part of ourselves for our spouse. When we have children we sacfrice part of ourselves for them. We seem to have a general lack of self sacrifice in our relationships these days, IMHO.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top