Jacka*ses - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

Welcome to Librarium Online!

Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!

Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!

Register Now!

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Jacka*ses

  1. #1


    Just a little joke I found quite hilarious. We all should try this out one day ^_^

    For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

    Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.

    When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

    Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

    The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

    [Keep reading, it gets better.]

    The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.

    I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

    A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
    "Yes, it is."
    "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
    car's parked right out front."
    I said, "What's your name?"
    "My name is Don Hansen."
    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
    "I'm home in the evenings."
    "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
    "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
    After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
    First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
    I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
    The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
    I said, "Yeah."
    He said, "Stop calling me."
    I said, "No."
    He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
    I said, "Don Hansen."
    He said "Where do you live?"
    "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front."
    "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
    "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
    Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
    I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
    He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
    "You'll what?"
    "I'll kick your ass."
    "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.


    Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

  2. Remove Advertisements

  3. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    In a magical little place called 'Hanford', where little elves fly about the hazy air
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    26 (x0)

    Originally Posted by Phobos
    Brief analysis: PWNED.

    The quote in your siggy sums this up nicley.

  4. #3
    Senior Member Ickebeebon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Buffalo, NY
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    34 (x2)

    GamesonDemand, you truely are a [LO]GOD! that was an absolutely brilliant story! i wish i was more gutsy so i could pull it off! kudos to you!
    Do it fer da ladz, come join da Ork Klan here!

    Blood Axes W/L/D-------- 9/7/3
    Warboss Grorg of the Ork Klan!
    Commander of the Rebel Alliance in the STAR WARS CLAN

  5. #4
    LO Zealot Ezekiel1990's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    CT, USA
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    104 (x4)

    Great story. Was it real??!?

  6. #5

    lol I'm not sure. I found it on a forum I lurk on. Usually the jokes aren't as funny, but this one made up for it. I have a feeling this couldn't be made up

  7. #6
    Now with STFU flames! Caluin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    708 (x8)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ezekiel1990
    Great story. Was it real??!?
    I doubt it. It's a very good story, but been around for quite awhile. It seems unlikely that the first guy wouldn't just do a trace on the caller after the first few "Jackass" calls. He could easily get the police to help him - after all, it is harassment.

    Still, either way, it's a funny read, no matter how many times I see it.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts