40k Bedtime Story 1 - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Sister_mel's Avatar
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    :w



    Goldie guardsman And the Three Khorne Berserkers

    Once upon a millennium there where 3 khorne Berserkers and they all lived in their cosy barracks. There was Big Daddy Khorne Berserker, Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker and Midget Khorne Berserker. And one day they all decided to go out for a walk. But then came Goldie Guardsman, the prettiest of all the guardsmen in the platoon, and he came upon the Khorne Berserkers barracks. But naughty old Goldie Guardsman decided to have a look. Goldie Guardsman peeped his head around the steel enforced door and looked in. Other than the warp demons there was no-one home. Goldie Guardsman walked over to the table and saw three bowls of sustenance rations. Goldie Guardsman was sooo hungry as he heard his stomach rumble over the voices in his head. So Goldie Guardsman went to the first bowl and had a taste. ‘Awch’ he wined, ‘this is too hot!’ he said as his mouth began to smoulder. . So Goldie Guardsman went to the second bowl and had a taste. ‘EeeK’ He wined, ‘this is too cold’. But then Goldie Guardsman went to the third bowl and it was just right. After filling his tummy, Goldie Guardsman naturally needed to have a crap. So he decided to look for a toilet. Goldie Guardsman found three toilets, he went to the first one, but it was too tall for him to climb on, he went to the second and was in disbelief at the weird pointy out thing that poked out of where you’d place your arse. But then Goldie Guardsman went to the third toilet, and it was just right. Now after eating his fill, and having a nice long *****, naturally Goldie Guardsman was getting tired, and decided to look for the sleeping chambers. Goldie Guardsman came upon three bedstead’s. Goldie Guardsman lay on the first, but the spiky bits that pierced through his skin was slightly uncomfortable. Goldie Guardsman then decided to lay on the second one, but then quickly got up as he started to sink into the chaos slime. Then Goldie Guardsman went on the third bed, and it was just right, with the exception of only a few hypnotic chaos sigils littered about the place. And naturally, as you do after filling your stomach, having a good crap and then falling on a bed Goldie Guardsman gently fell asleep as he was rocked into the abyss of chaos. Soon, came the pounding of feet and the arrival of the 3 Khorne berserkers. They walked over to their table realising that the place had been disturbed, as stupid Prison Bitch khone berserker forgot to lock the steel enforced door, stupid faggot! Big Daddy Khorne Berserker, looked at his sustenance rations and said ‘Someone’s been eating my rations!’. Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker looked at his sustenance rations and in a girlie voice said ‘Someone’s been eating my rations!’. Midget Khorne Berserker, looked at his sustenance rations and said ‘Someone’s been eating my rations and the ***** has gobbled them all!’. Suddenly their extra sensory smell retched at something coming from the toilet cubicles. Big Daddy Khorne Berserker, looked at his cubical and said ‘Someone’s been trying to use my toilet!’. Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker, looked at his cubical and said in his girlie voice ‘Someone’s been trying to use my toilet!’. Midget Khorne Berserker, looked at his cubical and said ‘Someone’s been trying to use my toilet and has made a terrible mess!’ as he heathed at the sight and smell. Suddenly they heard a noise, Goldie Guardsman was enjoying the embrace of chaos so much he began to snore. The 3 Khorne Berserkers followed the noise to the bed chamber. Big Daddy Khorne Berserker, looked at his bedstead and said ‘Someone’s been lyining on my bed!’. Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker looked at his bedstead and in a girlie voice said ‘Someone’s been lying on my bed!’. Midget Khorne Berserker, looked at his bedstead and said ‘Someone’s been lying on my bed and there the ***** is!!!’. Prison Bitch and Big Daddy Khorne Berserker rushed over and they all raised their bolters as the turmoil awoke Goldie Guardsman. Goldie Guardsman quickly jumped out of bed and pulled out his trusty...lasgun ‘Oh frag!’ he cursed. Goldie Guardsman gulped before he was pulverised into a heap of chunky flesh. That night Big Daddy Khorne Berserker, Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker and Midget Khorne Berserker celebrated and made sacrifices to the Chaos Gods until the Inquisition deemed the planet unfit and was exploded in a reign of atomic fire and they all died unhappily ever after. THE END!


    Cuming soon: 40K Bedtime Story 2: Little Red Blood Angel


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  3. #2
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    nice one.

    when is the next coming out? i cant wait.

    MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE
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  4. #3
    Senior Member Sister_mel's Avatar
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    Originally posted by kommissar karls kadians@Nov 23 2003, 18:59
    nice one.

    when is the next coming out? i cant wait.

    MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE
    Whenever i can be bothered to write it!!!

    Somthing to read to your children at night anyway!

  5. #4
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    Somthing to read to your children at night anyway
    theres a slight problem with that.

    i dont have kids. hehe
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  6. #5
    Senior Member Carcaroth's Avatar
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    hahaha that was good, looking forward to the next installment.
    Wir Werden Vorherrschen!

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  7. #6
    Member AC_Defiler's Avatar
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    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

    Say what, who, where I must have dosed off. sorry Mel.


    nah just kiddin great stuff bring more when you want. and maybe a keg too.

  8. #7
    Senior Member dead monkeys cry's Avatar
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    cant wait for the next 1 also wonderin what other titles there will be

    a white scar and the 7 squats ?
    <span style='color:red'>-=Read the sigrules=-</span>

  9. #8
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    Ummm
    This was...different... :blink:

    Ah well, good one though...
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  10. #9
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    would read to my kids but by law im not allowed to reproduce

  11. #10
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    My favorite one was Prison Bitch Khorne Berserker.

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