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Thread: The New Rules

  1. #1
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    Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
    2. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
    3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
    4. Crying is act of terrorism and we do not negotiate with terrorists.
    5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
    6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
    7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
    8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
    9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
    10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
    11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
    12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
    13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
    14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
    15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
    16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
    17. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
    19. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
    20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
    21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
    22. You have enough clothes.
    23. You have too many shoes.
    24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    "you don't under stand, my empathy for you could fit in a match box, with the matches in it"

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  3. #2
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    :lol: :lol: :lol: I like that, very funny!
    It's not Raymond Luxury Yacht, It's pronounced throat wobbler mangrove.
    <img src='http://arago4.tn.utwente.nl/stonedead/tv-series/pictures/fc-22/thumbnails/raymond-luxury-yacht.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
    My elvish name is Maeglin Meneldur.

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    Somebody had to say it...

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    Ha Ha, great one. Very funny. Sigh.......if only it was that easy.

  6. #5
    Member Nostrafus's Avatar
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    Yes, it is that easy, if a woman isn&#39;t willing to follow the rules, don&#39;t follow any of hers. It&#39;s that simple.
    You can't move the furniture anymore
    And I'm not gonna trip and fall
    Going for the door

    Fuzz - Helen Keller

  7. #6
    Member Drach'nyen's Avatar
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    Very Funny&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

  8. #7
    Lord of the Household BobaHat's Avatar
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    Hehe..

    Here&#39;s tow more important ones:

    25. Don&#39;t fake orgasms&#33; Faking it is cheating. If you didn&#39;t get one you didn&#39;t get one&#33; End of story&#33;
    26. Believe us when we give a compliment&#33; The phrase &#39;You look nice&#39; does not mean &#39;I want sex&#39; or &#39;I&#39;ve slept with another woman. It means &#39;You look nice&#39;&#33;
    "We're the Death Korp of Krieg, son. Did you think that was just a pretty name? We never retreat. We fight and we die, that's the Krieg way."
    -Lieutenant Konarski at the Battle of Erebus


  9. #8
    Professional Lurker sithjack's Avatar
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    so true
    27) plates and Silverware are to be eaten with not used as decoration
    2 don&#39;t leave popuri near the chips
    29) don&#39;t try and control what i do i cant even do that
    Veni Vidi Variant
    I came, I saw, I got a different type of Leman Russ.

    The spikey ones go faster.

    98% of the teen population has smoked weed, the other 2% went straight to crack.

    Saga of the Ages. Click it.

    Rules for grenades are on page 72 of the rulebook.

  10. #9
    Senior Member XV-88's Avatar
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    Very good&#33; I like them all&#33;
    Henceforth no man shall set foot upon the world, and all around shall be set sentinals to ward away unwary spacecraft. We must accept that this place is lost to us forever, and is now the eternal habitation of abomination.

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'>another annoying thing i hate: 47,000 similies in one post. just thoght id throw that in there and see if anybody else hates it as much as i do.</div>

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