Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
Chuck Norris (roundhouses from never-Norris-land)
Mr. T (will pity that damned fool)
List of facts:
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse
kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
the concept of infinity.
You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with
a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest
in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a
black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his
own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon
closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks,
gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown
ever recorded in human history.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
Mr. T was the first to kill two bird with one stone. He kept the
stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to
outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person.
If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.
Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity.
Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
On all 3428 instances it occured, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both
'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused
the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse
Mr. T doesn't have internal organs. He had them removed to make more
room for muscle.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a
much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to luremore
pirates to him.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make
him destroy an orphanage.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy ****! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the
third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Last edited by Apotheosis; April 28th, 2006 at 07:24.
"And whoever wants to be a creator in good and evil, must first be an annihilator and break values. Thus the highest evil belongs to the greatest goodness: but this is--being creative."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~
Erhm, lets see, most of these facts are from various websites. Obviously, chuck norris wins. His kicks can shatter the time-space barrier. He once stopped a viking invasion by round-house kicking longboats from the present day.
See, now this is why I wish LO had a stupid topic filter. If it did, the above post would look something like this:
****** *** * ****** ** ***** *****
The Chuck Norris phase is over, and we've had enough topics on this peppering the forum to last a lifetime. Basically, NO.
The only difference between tattooed people and non-tattooed people is that tattooed people are awesome and can kick your ass.
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."