Da star o' somfink bootiful. - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Member MethodicalMeat's Avatar
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    106 (x2)

    Da star o' somfink bootiful.

    "Wot'cher fink's up dere?" Grizgutz mused, pointing a bloody finger up at the moon.

    "Birds." his mate, Guttakuss answered between mouthfuls of roasted squig.

    "No, 'igher den dat. Past da birds...why's it all black at night, and wot 'olds up da moon?"

    "Gork." Guttakuss said simply. He wasn't a very complicated thinker, not like Grizgutz, who'd learned to count past two last week in a fit of inspiration.

    "It aint Gork, but if anyone wuz 'oldin it up, it'd be Mork." Grizgutz countered, glaring at Guttakuss. The philosophical quandry of whether it was better to be brutal yet kunnin', or kunnin' yet brutal was one of the larger roadblocks in their friendship.

    "'Ere now, no callin' fer you to be unda...unda...pullin' da feet out from unda my beliefs!" Guttakuss said, standing up and baring his tusks.

    "Dat aint da point, ay stoopid git. Da point is, I don't see no 'ands up dere 'oldin da moon up, so it don't matter who you fink is doin' it. No one's doin' it!"

    Guttakuss's brow furrowed mightily, his snarl turning confused as he tried to wrap his mind around the concept Grizgutz was getting at, "So...wotcher sayin' is...da moon is...'oldin isself up?"

    "Maybe, maybe not, itz like a bird I think, cept fer some reason, it don't go now wings, see?" Grizgutz said, grinning with excitement. The idea was starting to form in his head and he was liking where it was going. Things without wings could fly.

    "Yeah...okay, assumin' yer right, and it does fly wifout wings...how does it do dat?" Guttakuss asked.

    "I dunno, but I'm gonna find out." Grizgutz nodded matter-of-factly, "And den when I does, I'll teach da rest of da boyz 'ow ter fly."

    "Us first though, right Grizgutz? And we'll fly fastest, right?" Guttakuss leaned toward the marginally smaller, but much craftier ork.

    "Why da zog would I let those stupid gitz go faster den us?" Grizgutz smiled wickedly, "We'z gonna be da fastest, and da best at flyin', don'tcher worry boss."

    Guttakuss had no idea, but WAAAAGH!!! GUTTAKUSS! was well on it's way to starting...

    Just bored, thought I'd invent a little background fluff fer my WAAAAGH!!!

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  3. #2
    Senior Member LordTrebor's Avatar
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    29 (x1)


    Love it! Orky scientific reasoning... what's not to love. It's nice seeing an ork act out of character once in awhile. Well done. Waaagh!

    Last edited by LordTrebor; May 13th, 2009 at 03:21. Reason: double post.... oops. Oh and some Rep too :)
    My award winning Orky tale

  4. #3
    Senior Member NovaJohn's Avatar
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    33 (x1)

    I like it. I hope your waaagh is highly deffkopta based though. Grizgutz is on his way to mekdom with a hiss and a roar. (and a bang and a whirl and other loud manafaktur'n noises!)
    W/D/L Ork Tide 22/1/14

    Click here to feed me some squigs

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  6. #4
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    Haha, that's great!

  7. #5
    Senior Member niko's Avatar
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    48 (x1)

    Quote Originally Posted by MethodicalMeat View Post
    "Wot'cher fink's up dere?" Grizgutz mused, pointing a bloody finger up at the moon.
    Brilliant! REP for that! Absolutely brilliant...

  8. #6
    Member MethodicalMeat's Avatar
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    106 (x2)

    Hey thanks everyone! I have a lot of spare time at work somedays, so expect to see more mad ramblings!

  9. #7
    Member MethodicalMeat's Avatar
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    106 (x2)

    Grizgutz growled and levelled a glare that promised bloody murder at his current
    obsession. It was a pile of scrap at the moment, having suffered a catastrophic
    failure on its first test flight.

    Wings weren't the way to go, he decided, since apparently even the unlucky grot he'd
    used as a test pilot was too heavy for the delicate looking wings he'd constructed
    onto a wooden chassis.

    "Boss!" A little voice squeaked, accompanied by a tug at Grizgutz crude kilt.

    "Wot?" he snarled back irritably at the gretchin.

    "Er, sorry boss, one of da nobz wants a word with ya..."

    "Which one o' dem ugly gitz izzit?" He asked, turning sharply on the grot.

    "G-guttakuss, boss!" the tiny creature squeaked, raising his thin arms to covers his

    "Heh, a'right." Grizgutz nodded, giving the little creature a good cuff across the
    head, just for good measure, "Where's 'e at?"

    "Right 'ere, grot-sniffa."

    Guttakuss stooped to enter the small hut, his massive shoulders scraping the ceiling
    as he jostled his way inside. He'd been steadily getting larger with each conflict
    between the orks and their new enemy, and Grizgutz would've bet his favorite squig
    that the bosses were getting worried about the up-and-coming nob. Despite the
    grievous insult, Grizgutz' lips parted in an alarmingly toothy smile.

    "'ere now, no call to be insultin' me boss, wot do ya need?"

    "I got dis off dem pink fings wot we've been fightin' da last couple days."

    Guttakuss grinned, tossing a metal object to the other ork. Grizgutz caught it
    deftly and held it up, inspecting the treasure. His eyes widened as he identified it.

    Two long metal tubes with a wooden handle and a bit he'd seen the pink things use to
    steady the weapon against their shoulders.

    "Is dis...?"

    "Yep! Is one o' dem boom-sticks da pinkies got." Guttakuss beamed, feeling immensely
    proud of himself at being the first to capture one of the enemies weapons, "Stupid
    Bogrot tried ter break it over 'is 'ead, but I bashed 'is stupid face in an' took

    "Is 'e dead?"

    "'oo, Bogrot? Naw, but 'e's gonna smile funny fer a while."

    "Zog me, dis is bootiful boss, but whatcher showin' it to me for? I'd fink you'd
    want dis fer yerself."

    "Oh, I does, I does, but...yer see, I figured, da pinkies gotta get those from
    somewhere, right?" Guttakuss said, his brow creasing and his eyes screwing up,
    implying he'd been thinking particularly hard about something.

    "Right, and you fink dey probably make 'em?"

    "Yeah, dat's right!" Guttakuss nodded eagerly, a bit of spittle flying out and
    smacking Grizgutz in the cheek, "An' I know yer a smart git, I bet you could figur'
    it out if anyork could."

    Grizgutz smiled. An awful, wicked smile, full of jagged teeth and malice as he
    thought about the ramifications of being able to make another one...and another, and
    another, and another, until all of the boyz had a boom-stick. The only thing the
    pinkies seemed to have over the boyz, was their weapons, up close, even the
    grottiest yoof could tear one of them to pieces.

    "Gimme a week wif yer new bit 'ere boss, and I'll 'ave a second one, or my name's
    not Grizgutz." Grizgutz said.

    Guttkuss sucked on his teef and nodded slowly, "Well...a'right, one week, den I want
    it back."

    "Sure fing boss, sure fing." Grizgutz nodded, turning around and dumping the weapon
    on the table and pulling out a fresh sheet of hide and charcoal to sketch on.

    Truth be told, Guttakuss had at first not even begun to entertain the idea of giving
    the weapon over to anyone. He'd yelled "WAAAAGH!!!" at the top of his lungs and
    started imitating the motions the "pinkies" were using to fire the gun, spitting
    led-deff in every direction...until it stopped working, inexplicably. He'd thrown it
    on the ground and vented his rage on an unlucky grot who'd just been minding his own
    business, looting corpses for shinies nearby. Once Guttakuss had vented his rage and
    had a bite (of grot) to eat, he'd started thinking. Then, he thought better of
    thinking too hard and just brought it to Grizgutz. He knew the runty ork was clever
    enough to survive in the brutal ork society, despite being much smaller and weaker
    than even some yoofs. if anyone could fix his new toy, Grizgutz could.

    Over the next few days, Grizgutz worked hard to reverse-engineer the marvel of
    violent death that had been bestowed upon him. He thanked Mork (and Gork) for
    delivering this wonder to him, he'd never felt happier or more excited than he was
    when he was pulling the thing apart and sketching out the parts on the tanned hide
    stretched across the wall. Guttakuss brought him a bag of odd, black-colored sand,
    which he said they'd seen one of the pinkies stuffing into the boom-stick, along
    with a handful of tiny lead balls.

    Grizgutz stared into the open bag of powder. The sulphurous smell wafted up into his
    pug nose, bringing up an odd longing inside the ork. Flashes of bright light and
    fire blazed through his mind, pinkies dying and bursting into wet blossoms fo fire
    and blood. He shuddered and shook his head to return to reality. He leaned down and
    sniffed carefully at the stuff, the smells seemed oddly familiar to him, but he
    couldn't place it.

    "Oi, runt, get ova' 'ere." he waved absently across the room.

    "Yeah boss?" A little voice squeaked at his side.

    "Smell dis." he thrust a handful of the powder under the grot's large nose.

    The grot took a long sniff and wrinkled his face up, "Dat smell awful boss."

    "I don't care 'ow bad it smells. What's it smell like to ya?"

    "Sulpha boss, and some of dat," The grot said, pointing at the ork's charcoal
    writin' stick, "An' some uvva stuff boss."

    Grizgutz stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Dere's shinies innit fer you and yer mates
    if you can get me a bunch of all dat stuff, especially da "uvver stuff"."

    "Ya mean it boss?" The grot grinned, his eyes widening as he stared at the boss's
    collection of "shinies" on the wall. The grot had always been right jealous of the
    boss's glittery seashell.

    "Yeah, I mean it, now get movin'! I aint go all day!" He bellowed, aiming a kick at
    the hapless grot, who sailed out the door screaching to land in a heap.

    Days later, a grinning Grizgutz stomped out of his hut, holding up an ugly, short
    barreled gun with a look of utter triumph on his sunken features. His first
    masterpiece was finished, every piece lovingly hammered into submission and tied
    together with boar gut strings.

    "Oi! Someone get me Stoopid Woggit and tell Guttakuss da Boomstick is done!"
    Grizgutz shouted, waving his unstable firearm about wildly, earning some curious
    looks from the assembling crowd of orks.

    Soon, Guttakuss shouldered his way through the crowd of orks, pulling Stoopid Woggit
    by the ear along behind him. Woggit was gibbering and spitting everywhere, as per
    usual, and Guttakuss was not especially pleased with having to bring to moronik ork
    with him, "Ere now! Wottzis? Me boomstick's done and you want Woggit fer wot?"

    Grizgutz smiled and motioned at the oblivious ork, "Fer testin', o' course. Can't
    have you gettin' yer 'ead blown off boss."

    Guttakuss's mood instantly lightened at that. "You fink it could really blow
    someone's 'ead off?"

    "Yeah, but da point is ta blow off da pinkie's 'eadz, see?" Grizgutz grinned, handing
    the crude device to Woggit, who clutched it tightly and grinned, his eyes rattling
    around with a manik gleam. Grizgutz started yelling, clearing all of the orks off of
    one side of the settlement and directing Woggit to shoot at the dead pinkie tied to
    one of the "warnin' stikks" that ringed the collection of huts.

    He jogged away and and put a gnarled hand on Guttakuss's shoulder when the big ork
    started to step forward, "Betta stay clear boss..." he whispered, dis could

    Guttakuss nodded, trusting the runt's judgement. It'd always served him well in the
    past. The other orks crowded around Woggit, peering over the violently unstable
    ork's shoulder and pokin' the gun and generally setting themselves up for what came

    "Fire!" Grizgutz shouted at the top of his lungs.

    Woggit screamed like one a trilling death beetle and pulled the trigger. Grizgutz,
    being the ork he was, had assumed that something like this might happen, but had
    gone ahead and stuffed the entire length of the barrel with powder, packing it in as
    tightly as he could around the handdful of pellets near the end of the weapon. The
    explosion was spectacular, a huge flash of fire and light that blew nearby
    greenskins off of their feet, catapulting the lucky ones halfway across the village,
    and blowing poor Woggit's arms clean off.

    Guttakuss laughed and smacked Grizgutz' shoulder, knocking the smaller ork into the
    mud. The bigger ork doubled over, howling with glee while most of his mates howled
    in pain, bits of green limbs and and blood lying around the charred ground.

    Woggit stood up and screamed at the sun, "Yer stole me arrrrrrms!"

    The dok made a good bit of teef that day, and stopped by to personally thank the Mek
    with a sack of crunchy sugared squiglets. Grizmek (as he'd decided to name himself)
    was then kommissioned by the rest of the boyz (especially the ones who'd had to have their limbs sewn back on) to make them a "splodin' boomstick". Grizmek, being a crafty
    ork, decided that instead of scrapping the idea and starting over, he'd make
    something new out of it. "Somefin' yer throw at 'em, see? Den it'll do the pinkies
    loik it did da boyz, only worse, cuz pinkies is soft."

  10. #8
    LO Zealot BossGorestompa's Avatar
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    291 (x5)

    Dat wuz beeootifful! I thinks me's may be cryin' a little. Gar, no! Dat's just Kaptin Rogbogger's Fungabong Beer! I swears it, I jus spilled a little is all!

    Rep ^-^
    I've recently become a fan of this thing called Dubstep. And you should too.
    Datsik & Flux Pavillion - Crunch (Youtube)
    Da Moo Kowz is da drinkinest Orks of dem all!

  11. #9
    Spiky MindRaked's Avatar
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    201 (x4)

    Real nice one, you should submit it to GW or something. I believe you create a bit more and you're good for a short novel.
    CHAOS Undiv.: won 14/22 games EC: 4/7 WE: 6/9 DG: 10/15, TS: 3/7 Orks : 13/20 SM NL : 1/6 TAU: 14 of 24 IG: 3/7

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