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Hello guys, Some of you may have recently the model I've converted (scratch built?) to be my archon.
Do not worry, green stuff practise is currently underway. Until then he is shelved. I don't want to make any ametuer mistakes on him.
In the mean time i've purchased warriors, wyches and a raider.
I am here to present to you the story of my archon. How he came to be who he is.
He will start life as in innocent Striking scorpion on a mission to gather information (and kill some marines)
He is armed with, shadowfield, combat drugs, Trophy rack, Tormentor helm and a punisher.
And here begins the first chapter in his story. Possibly more to be added tonight; I've got the night off!
Salax Chronis crouched on the ledge of a ruin overlooking the space marine squad.
He waited on his exarch's signal; they were to eliminate the 7 man squad before an alert could be called.
"5 against 7, hardly seems fair" voiced one of his comrades.
"For them" came the reply.
"Engage" as he moved forward from his position in the trees.
Salax dropped down soundlessly behind a lone patrolling marine. The marine turned as he felt Salax's hand on his shoulder, only to feel the chainsword run across his throat.
"Patrol down" voiced Salax.
Shooting erupted to his west and Salax dashed into some nearby trees.
Salax wasted no time, he moved quickly towards his exarch's position, knowing the next command would be to regroup.
Salax leaped up onto a wall nimbly, only to hear the deafening sound of the primitive humans’ engines.
A drop pod landed in the ruins nearby.
"Exarch, we have trouble!"
As the smoke slowly cleared Salax was met by the silhouette of a dreadnought.
"Walker, South ruins" reported Salax.
"I have another, in the forest to the west"
Everyone paused as the Exarch spoke.
"The dark eldar are raiding the marine camp. We will need to retreat, the dark eldar force is large. The marines have reinforcements coming in from the skies."
Meet at Salax's location"
"Exarch, there is a dreadnought at my position"
"You are a striking scorpion, I want that dreadnought destroyed"
Salax dropped off the wall, not worrying about being heard. He dashed forward towards the dreadnought, who was navigating the ruins slowly.
He ran between its legs and stuck a haywire grenade to the inside of its leg joint. The electrical explosion disabled the dreadnought's leg and saw it fall to the ground.
Salax drew another haywire grenade only to see his unit break out of cover of the forest and run towards him through the ruins.
"Salax, retreat on the double! The dark eldar pur-"
The dreadnought had levelled its heavy bolter and unloaded on his unit, killing his Exarch and one other. A loud hum was heard as a thick black beam was fired from the forest, going straight through the dreadnought and the ruins behind it.
There wasn't any time to think, only to act. The remaining 2 scorpions and Salax turned to meet the dark eldar as they burst forward from the forest.
A small unit of wyches came first, firing their pistols. The scorpions took no casualties, the shots bouncing off their armour harmlessly.
The wyches fell to the return fire.
The roar of jet engines could be heard as the scorpions were hit in the flank by jet bikes, they're blades tearing into the scorpions' armour.
One fell, beheaded; the other was on his knees. The bike's flew low overhead and slid to a halt. A dracon and his retinue leaped off.
The remaining scorpion rose, one arm hanging uselessly moved forward, chainsword in hand. Only to be killed by a blaster shot from the retinue.
Salax drew in what he thought would be his last breath as he ran at the retinue, pistol and mandiblaster firing.
One incubi fell to the shooting, 2 remained. Salax made for the incubi with the blaster still smoking. Dropping the blaster, the incubi raised his drew forth his punisher blade, just in time to parry Salax's furious strikes.
The incubi took a single strike, which Salax sidestepped, before being run clean through.
Salax was hit in the back of head by the blunt end of the third incubi. He was happy. He had avenged the death of at least one of his brethren.
As he hit the ground face first, he heard the dracon yelling
"You imbecile! You stupid little creature!"
The dracon fired a shot at the inside of Salax's knee. Salax cried out in pain.
"You dare attack me? Do you have any idea what will happen to you know? You killed 2 of my incubi!"
With that he let loose another shot into Salax's other knee.
In a moment, the dracon was upon him. He violently swung Salax around onto his back.
"You scorpions and your foolish close combat. How much do you pride yourself in your technique?"
With that he grabbed Salax's left arm. Salax saw as the dracon raise a small monomolecular blade, but had no strength left to defend himself.
The blade sliced clean through his wrist. Upon seeing his hand fall onto his chest, Salax lost consciousness...
Interesting. I'm always so glad to read new fluff from players.
Go through it once more though. It has some grammar & typos that make it hard to understand in places. And everyone has their own style of writing, but I would suggest letting the reader get to know the characters a little more before jumping right into the battle scenes. I think more detail in what Salax is experiencing would be a good thing too (what does the area look/sound/feel like? What features of the DE jump out Salax when he sees them, and what does he think about it all?
Anyway, those are just some tips if you are thinking of expanding this into a bigger story.
I enjoyed reading what you have so far, which is a good sign.
--•-My 40K projects-•--
I was thinking of that but I thought it'd be a good idea for the reader not to know Salax yet. After all, his time as craftworld eldar is coming to its end. He'll be tortured and will fight in the arena.
That's where i'll have a more in depth introduction to him and his feelings for the DE.
More will come possibly tonight