Take the Cookie

[Roboute Guilliman]

but then I emerge from my actual lair and see smoke rising in the distance. I receive word that my decoy base has been destroyed by a bunch of freaks in costumes and the decoy cookie taken into space. I laugh to myself and I take the cookie from my pocket, eat it, digest it, and sh*t it out in a ditch near my real base. The cookie's powers are now mine.

[Jared van Kell]

JvK hunts down Roboute (Girlyman) Guilliman an using his vast powers freezes the pretender to the cookie's powers. He rams his bladed gauntlet into Guilliman's chest and withdraws the power of the cookie from within him. Immediately the powers re-manifest into an indestructable cookie. Satisfied with his procurement of the cookie and annoyed with Guilliman thinking he could take the power of the cookie for himself, JvK proceeds to beat the Girlyman into oblivion with his double ultra-uber-killy crozius of smacky, smacky, killy death, hides the cookie in a pocket dimension hidden in the Eye of Terror (quite possibly the coolest name Perterabo could have come up with) and with the eternal approval of the chaos gods, walks away........

Like a boss.jpg

JvK

[Jared van Kell]

JvK hunts down Roboute (Girlyman) Guilliman an using his vast powers freezes the pretender to the cookie's powers. He rams his bladed gauntlet into Guilliman's chest and withdraws the power of the cookie from within him. Immediately the powers re-manifest into an indestructable cookie. Satisfied with his procurement of the cookie and annoyed with Guilliman thinking he could take the power of the cookie for himself, JvK proceeds to beat the Girlyman into oblivion with his double ultra-uber-killy crozius of smacky, smacky, killy death, hides the cookie in a pocket dimension hidden in the Eye of Terror (quite possibly the coolest name Perterabo could have come up with) and with the eternal approval of the chaos gods, walks away........

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JvK

[Puganaut]

Puganaut employs the aid of several tyranid tendrils, promising a source of eternal food in exchange for creating an earth-shattering distraction. The 'nids proceed towards the eye of terror, shooting of bio-fireworks, venom cannons while "singing" the 1812 overture. The chaos gods are intrigued by this display, and set their daemons upon the fleets. In the ensuing rap battle, Puganaut teleports in to the pocket dimension, tangling JvK's headphones in the process, and leaves with the cookie. He then mails one of the cookies of damnation to the pocket dimension, and another to Roboute Guilliman's real base.

MY COOKIE!!!

[Marius the Possessed]

Marius the Possessed strolls in while Puganaut is on the can and takes the cookie from his countertop.

My cookie.

[Puganaut]

Marius the Possessed underestimates Puganaut. The Pug detonates several thousand explosives under his front lawn, completely demolishing the moon he resides upon. Shielded by highly advanced force projectors, the canine space-farer strolls leisurely towards his ship waiting in low orbit. (The force projectors also had engines, gravity, oxygen, the works.) As he walks he notices a roughly circular shape silhouetted in the sun. Reaching out with his mind, he wrenches the cookie towards him, locks it inside the vacuum chamber of his ship, and sets off to find an asteroid to inhabit.

MY COOKIE!

[Roboute Guilliman]

I get an oven.....and bake a whole tray of cookies. Screw your cookie!!!

[Jared van Kell]

Whilst Roboute Guilliman is otherwise preoccupied after baking his false cookies as opposed to the one true cookie, I, Jared van Kell secretly sneaks into his kitchen and steal his still cooling cookies. I eat all but one of them with milk of course and I should mention were actually quite nice, despite their inferiority, though they could have done with a bit of cinnamon) and then destroy Roboute Guilliman's oven with my crozius for daring to mock the one true cookie.
With the remaining inferior, but still very tasty, cookie I sneak onto the asteroid Puganaut is hiding in. Calling upon my fell and terrifying allies I pull the asteroid into the Warp where Puganut is beset by all manner of daemonic creatures who rend at his flesh. Sensing its one true master the one true Cookie leaps from Puganaut's hands and into my hands. With a dashing smile that would charm Slaanesh him(her or even it)self and a mocking bow I hurl Girlyman's remaining cookie at Puganaut which hits him on the head with the force of a thousand thunderbolts before disintegrating, knocking him unconscious. Pleased with my efforts I vanish into the warp with........

MY COOKIE!!!!

JvK

[Puganaut]

I, the great Puganaut, emerge from the warp riding the single largest disc of Tzeentch ever conceived, pulled by 10,000 screamers, wielding an oversized twin linked ionic-d devastator (an enormous ion cannon with an inbuilt black hole generator) in one paw and in the other, a holographic button. With the deepest bass conceivable, created by the disc, combined with 5,000 bass guitars and 5,000 electric guitars played by the screamers, the hardest death metal in the history of the cookie's existence begins. Crushing the hologram in my battle-worn claws with the force of ten thousand imploding suns, every planet around the Eye of Terror begins to swirl in a maelstrom of daemonic activity, amplifying the ear-shattering noise to an unearthly level. Firing my devastator, I wrench the eye of terror inside out, tearing every piece of daemonic matter from it's terrible core. JvK is catapulted, crozius raised above his head, teeth gritted, face contorted with anger, at just below light speed towards the raised, battle worn palm of my paw. Upon impact, the crozius is deflected to one side, and JvK realises, for the split second that he is still in the materium, that he has lost the cookie. Shattering like a glass flower against an Imperator titan's hull, he is banished into a billion pieces, flying in all directions. I close my paw, and feel the rugged edges of the cookie against my fur. At that moment, the Eye of Terror begins to return to it's regular, inside-in state, enveloping every piece of JvK, the disc and the thousands of daemons as they reach the climax of their piece with an enormous sucking sound, until, with a flash of searing red light, the noise stops. Space is still and quiet, at least for a moment, and observing the carnage, Puganaut thinks to himself, with a sly grin;

MY COOKIE!!!









*Bows*

[Puganaut]

Shall I be the final guardian of the cookie?