[Cypher_Redeemed]

Tis is just te beggining of what I got this is one page Im hoping it will end up being closer to 5

There chapter Symbol is gonna be a red bio Hazard Symbol

Chapter name: Clockwork Ravens
Home World: None
Formation: Recent, Administratum decree.
Combat Doctrines: Trench warfare
Strength: Minimal
Standing: Imperial Surveillance

The Clockwork Ravens found there beginnings when the Administratum saw fit, the creation of a new chapter. Meant to counter the uprisings that quickly spread with Abbadon’s 13th crusade. The chapter unusually pays lineage to both the chapters, the Raven Guard and Iron Hands. Such a decision was made do to increasing scarcity of available genetic material. This almost unheard of decision also spawned great controversy. The heads of the Administratum or one of its branches failed to contact one of the father chapters about this use of there sacred geneseed. Instead representatives of the Inquisition were sent out to collect large “samples” of the material to test for impurities from forces of the Raven Guard stationed through out the sector.
The other source of the Clockwork Ravens very beginning comes from the Noble Iron Hands chapter. They were unlike the Raven Guard openly approached with the idea for a new sub chapter. The material was supplied and the fresh new marines were actually handed over to the Initiate Trainers of the Iron Hands. Here they were drilled, trained, and mentally schooled in the Codex Astrates as well as many of the iron Hands own beliefs and practices. Once fully prepared the new marines were transported aboard there new commissioned battle barges, and thus began a new chapter of Adeptus Astrates in the service of the God-Emperor!

Rivalry
It is well known of the Clockwork Ravens and Raven Guard near open hostility to one another. The guard believes that the unsanctioned use of there geneseed makes the Clockwork Raven’s no better than abominations to the great Primarch Corax. It is not likely that this old hate will ever die but it is the hope that nothing of the magnitude of what happened on the surface of Carne IV. Here a joint effort of Imperial Guard, and Raven guard 3rd company ordered to cleanse the planet of an Ork infestation were teetering on the turning point of the entire campaign. The call for assistance had been sent out by Imperial Guard commander Kurbs of the 15th Cathulan Rifles. This call was answered. By the Clockwork Ravens who made planet fall as soon as reaching orbit.
All that is known from this point is that the orks were systematically destroyed every last carcass burned in mass pyres. At some point it is said the commanders of both Astrates forces met with there respective command squads post battle. The arguments began almost instantaneously. At about this time an honor duel was struck, both commanders circled each other power weapons set off. In a conquest of submission, the lesser man would be the first to give in to his opponent. At some point the Raven Guard commander thrummed his weapon to life separating his opponents left arm at just below the shoulder. A fire fight ensued, as both sides quickly made to exit back towards there respective shuttles. The final death toll was 3 dead Raven Guard and 2 of the Clockwork brethren. Since the chapters have not met most likely for better.


Im just looking for opinion comments critiques anything thanks.

 

[Panzerkopf]

I like this one. Your chapter has a really interesting name and a good backstory. I like how their origins are a little shady and also totally believable. Squeaky-clean Marines are no fun.

 

[Zema]

I like the fluff, it's not too overdone, with chapters slaying c'tans in their first weekend. I also like the rivalry but also that there aren't 100's of deaths on both sides. Only advice i can give is reading through the text again and correct some spelling and synthax errors.

Any ideas on the color scheme?

 

[The Fifth Horseman]

Not bad, altough I don't quite get what do ravens and clockwork have to do with biohazard symbols (Chapter insignia are regularly derived from the Chapter's name)

The Clockwork Ravens found there beginnings when the Administratum saw fit, the creation of a new chapter. Meant to counter the uprisings that quickly spread with Abbadon’s 13th crusade.

First, it's High Lords of Terra and none others who dictate when a new Chapter is to be created (more likely an entire new Founding, ie about four to ten new Chapters). This said, at least some of the actual related paperwork would probably be going through the Administratum - so your idea of an Administratum losing the orders somewhere along the line is prefectly sound nonetheless.

Second - the creation of a Chapter takes approximately a century, and is done from a single set of geneseed (altough IIRC there were a few cases when the Inquisition, Adeptus Mechanicus or other such organisations have tried to splice the genetic traits of two Chapters), so your Chapter could not have been founded specially to counter those uprisings - at the time they would be battle-ready, the uprisings would only be a footnote in historical records.
I'd like to propose a solution - that being, come up with a different reason for the Chapter's founding that occurred a century earlier (perhaps the High Lords were concerned about increasing frequency of Chaos attacks in the general vicinity of Eye of Terror?), so that the actual Chapter went active just in time to take part in the aftermath of 13th Black Crusade.

 

[ArlethVann]

Only the High Lords of Terra may sanction the creation of a new chapter. This is not done individually. Second, there wasn't a founding around Abbadon's 13th Back crusade, and even if there was it takes at least 100 years for the geneseed to be ready. Third, no chapter would give up geneseed to the Inquisition. The only geneseed that leaves the chapter is the 5% tithe that is sent to the Adeptus Mechanicus.