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She mailed me these, and doesn't have them herself anymore so I'll put em up. Note some are in Welsh :p .


Plaid Cymru's policy for Welsh smallholdings: "Five acres and a Welsh-speaking cow."

What is one thing that you can't get in Wales? Virgin wool!

The older the Welshman, the more the madman.
- English saying

They are treacherous to each other as well as to foreigners, covert freedom, neglect peace, are warlike and skillful in arms, and are eager for revenge
Walter Map

Yn awyddus i foddhau, sgipiodd Dewi i ffwrdd, yn bownsio'i be+l ac yn canu "Iesu Grist cafodd ei eni mewn stabal! Iesu Grist cafodd ei eni mewn stabal!"

Pan aeth Dewi tua'r capel eto, roedd e'n dal yn canu: "Iesu Grist cafodd ei eni mewn stabal!" Felly dywedodd y gweinidog iddo fe, "Da iawn, Dewi! Nawr, wyt ti'n gwybod pam cafodd Iesu Grist ei eni mewn stabal?"

Q: How many Welsh academics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Four hundred and one. One to change the bulb and 400 to sit on a committee in Aberystwyth to find a word for "filament".


Why do Welsh horses run so fast? Because they have seen what the farmers do to the sheep!

Why do Welshmen have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? So that they push back harder!

The land of my fathers, and my fathers can have it.
- Dylan Thomas

The ordinary women of Wales are generally short and squat, ill favoured and nasty
David Mallet


Wel, pan aeth Dewi heibio'r capel, dal yn canu "B*****d Saeson prynu tai!", daeth y gweinidog mas. "Dewi, paid a+ ddweud pethau fel 'na - pechod mawr yw e!" dywedodd e. "Mewn lle, dylet ti ddweud rhywbeth fel 'Iesu Grist cafodd ei eni mewn stabal.'"



Wales: where the men are men, and so are the women - and the sheep are scared.

A Welsh geologist has claimed that Wales is bigger than England because of its hills. If Wales were rolled out as flat as England, it would be the bigger country of the two.

There was an atheist in Cardiff that needed converting; so they took him to the rugby ground and kicked him over the posts.

Roedd bachgen bach o'r enw Dewi yn cerdded trwy ei bentref, yn bownsio pe+l i'r geiriau: "B*****d Saeson prynu tai! B*****d Saeson prynu tai!"

Definition of a Welsh rarebit: A Cardiff virgin.

If you ever wondered where all the Davies's come from, there's a big factory outside Bridgend with a sign outside saying "Davies Manufacturing Co. Ltd."

There's a sleepy little town in mid-Wales called Llandyfnod.

One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer. All the other men in the bar looked at him and the barman asked, "You're not from around here, are you sir?"
"No," replied the man, "I am from London."
"So, boyo," said the barman, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them then?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The barman then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's ok lad's, he's one of us!"

Two Welshmen were rounding up their sheep when one of the ewes suddenly ran into a fence and got it's head stuck. The two men ran over to the fence and one of them said to the other, "Hey, boyo, this is too good an opportunity to pass up!"
The man unzipped his trousers, yanked out his cock and *****ed the ewe for ten minutes until he finally came inside it. After he finished he looked at his friend and said, "That was bloody marvellous, mate. D'you fancy a go then?"
"Bloody right I do!" replied the other man, as he unzipped his trousers and stuck his head through the fence.

I need an Englishman
At an international eisteddfod it was customary for one representative of each of the competing countries to be present on the platform at the opening ceremony. Half an hour before it was due to start the organising committee were horrified to find that there was no representative of England present.Looking desperately round the field the chairman saw a man at the edge of the crowd who looked like a typical Englishman and ran up to him to explain the situation. The stranger listened and then replied in a strong Welsh accent'I'm sorry I can't help you. I'm not English at all. I was sick on the bus getting here.'

Hurrah for Wales

A group of Welshmen travelling home by train from Paddington became very merry in the bar and at regular intervals were heard to cheer

'Hurrah for Wales'.

A morose Englishman stood this for some time but finally turned towards them and retorted loudly

'Hurrah for Hell'.

'Fair enough', replied the Welsh, 'every man for his own country.'

... On the border of England and Wales there's this small forest that's managed by a couple of wardens, one from England and one from Wales. Whilst patrolling the forest one day, the English warden comes across a wolf caught in a trap. Immediately he returns to his office and phones the Welsh warden and tells him that one of his wolves is caught in a trap.
"How do you know it's one of our wolves?" asks the Welsh warden.
"Well," replies the English warden, "He's already chewed off three of his legs, and he's still trapped."


Top Ten Reasons For Being Welsh


1. You've got to have a laugh, haven't you?!



Quote from outsiders:
The Ignorant Quote
"So... do you have castles in Wales?"


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The Very Ignorant Quote
On being told of a Warsaw church where 2000 women and children died during the second world war:

"Ohh, gee that's just too bad"


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The Culturally-Ignorant Quote
"Sing something Welsh. . . .Like 'Danny Boy'"

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The Very Ignorant Scientist quote
For the fifth time in 3 years....

"So... what exactly is a spore?"


Rydw i wedi clywed bod moesau yn newid wrth i rhywun fynd o'r dwyrain i'r gorllewin yng Nhgymru. Er enghraifft, yng Ngharedydd pan fyddan nhw'n rhoi cwpaned o de i chi ac rydych chi'n gofyn am ragor o siwgr, bydd eich gwahoddwr yn dweud, "Dyma bot o siwgr."

Yn bellach i'r gorllewin yng Nghaerfyrddin, bydd y person yn dweud, "Un lwmpyn neu ddau?"

Ar lan y mor yn Aberteifi, bydd yn dweud, "Ydych chi wedi troi'ch tê chi eto!"




Two tourists were driving through Wales.

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said,

"Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."
 

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wow to much to read :huh:

lol, do you really excpect ne one to read that (said in jokingly tone :lol: )

i didnt...*looks around*
*taps keyboard*

well, i have work to do so bye!

:blink:
 

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ive heard some of those sheep ones before but about new zealanders. i guess they are just displaced welsh.
 
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